Why must I "dress" my salad?  Why can't my salad walk around naked?

Or if I do have to "dress" my salad, can't it wear some stirrup pants with a pair of cowboy boots?  Or maybe a nice suit with some pennyloafers.  Or maybe a black micro mini-skirt with stiletto heels?

The clothing possibilities are endless!  Although, I think that a salad should be able to choose the clothing they want to wear without us humans making clothing choices for it.  It's a salad's life, us humans have no right to interfere!

And to bring up an entirely different matter, why does a salad need humans to "dress" it anyway?  A salad is perfectly capable of "dressing" itself!  A salad is not a little baby.   A salad should also be given privacy when it's "dressing".  A salad shouldn't have to put up with all those prying human eyes when it's getting "dressed".  Most people would agree that a salad doesn't watch them get "dressed", a salad respects their privacy.  Us humans should do the same for a salad.

So to all of you salad voyeurs out there, let a salad get "dressed" in private, PERVERT!

Dating Tips for Men and Women (Tip Number 6)

In all fairness, I think that the MAN should pay for the FIRST date.

The WOMAN should pay for the SECOND date.

And the TAXPAYERS should "foot the bill" for the THIRD date.

Hey, do you want some great dating tips on how to meet the man or woman of your dreams, if so, click on Dating Tips at the Datechest Blog.  Be sure to re-visit the blog periodically because it is updated regularly!

Dating Tips for Men and Women (Tip Number 5)

Play with it in a darkened movie theatre or at home in your locked bedroom, but Guys, NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, play with it while you are on a date! (Not unless your date is REALLY kinky.) Trust me Guys, nothing turns off a female faster than seeing a guy twirling his hair "playfully" around his finger and tossing it around like he is in one of those dopey shampoo commercials.

A woman won't hate you because you're beautiful, she'll hate you because you're totally lame!

(FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY: If you are a "man" out on a date and you suddenly are hit with a powerful "urge" to start twirling your hair around your finger or even worse, tossing it around like you are in one of those dopey shampoo commercial, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM YOUR DATE AS FAST AS YOU CAN! LEAVE THAT CHICK IN THE DUST! IMMEDIATELY SEEK OUT AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL WITH A GOOD-SIZED CHALKBOARD. GET PERMISSION TO GO INTO THE SCHOOL OR SIMPLY BREAK IN, AFTER ALL, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, AND THE POLICE WILL UNDERSTAND AND NOT ARREST YOU FOR BREAKING AND ENTERING. GO DIRECTLY TO THE CHALKBOARD AND WRITE THIS PHRASE, "I am Man hear me roar! I'm NOT gonna' play with it anymore!" WRITE THIS PHRASE ON THE CHALKBOARD AT LEAST 100 TIMES OR UNTIL THE "URGE" TO TWIRL AND TOSS THE HAIR SUBSIDES.)

To read more of my comedy, click on the link below.

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Hey, do you want some great dating tips on how to meet the man or woman of your dreams, if so, click on Dating Tips at the Datechest Blog.  Be sure to re-visit the blog periodically because it is updated regularly!

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!

Celine would have to PAY me to go out and buy a bottle of her perfume!  And in this instance, I would only accept CASH from Celine, I wouldn't accept any credit cards or personal checks from her!

I sure as hell am not wasting my own precious money on her toilet water perfume or Eau de Toilette, as she refers to it!  To be honest, I think when it comes to Celine Dion's perfume, toilet water perfume has such a nice ring, not to mention, smell to it!  

It's a damn shame when lame-ass celebrities have to pay people to go out and buy their *hit!  (The last word rhymes with bit, fit, hit, mitt, lit, pit, sit, and wit)

Dating Tips for Men and Women (Tip Number 4)

A Tip For Guys Only!

If a waiter sets a plate of food in front of you that has thick forest fire-like smoke rising from it, LET IT COOL OFF! Guys, take advantage of the extra time. Compliment your date on her attire; take a short bathroom break or take your date out on the dance floor, if there is one, and shake that booty. That way, when you come back you can chowdown on your food without making a damn fool of yourself. Trust me Guys, there is no bigger turn-off for a female than to see her date take a bite of EXTREMELY HOT food then start screaming like a banshee, flailing his arms around like he is trying to get airborne, and seeing her manly man cry like a little baby because he burned the roof of his mouth. Guys, you will not only embarrass the HELL out of yourself, but your date as well! And women don't like to be embarrassed in public places! Private places are a different story. Guys, BE COOL and let your food COOL!

Hey, do you want some great dating tips on how to meet the man or woman of your dreams, if so, click on Dating Tips at the Datechest Blog.  Be sure to re-visit the blog periodically because it is updated regularly!

Hey guys!  Which is the hotter chick?

A chick with a Budweiser beer gut or a chick  ;with a Heineken beer gut?

Dating Tips for Men and Women (Tip Number 3)

A TIP FOR LADIES ONLY!

Don't bring a flask of whiskey along with you, in lieu of ordering a drink at the restaurant, in an attempt to try to save your date some money. Trust me Ladies, nothing ruins the mood of an evening more than having your date think that you are a cheapskate alcoholic! And Ladies, it doesn't matter if you wipe the top of the whiskey flask off with a napkin in an attempt to try to remove some of your germs before offering your date a swig, thinking in your deluded mind, that it is the polite thing to do. THAT'S NOT THE POINT! The point is that it isn't polite at all! It's nasty, disgusting, and most unladylike! Ladies, you also don't want your date thinking that he's stuck with a sow (that's a female pig) for the majority of the night, in addition to that cheapskate alcoholic thing. Ladies, Knowledgeable is going to give you a small but extremely helpful piece of advice.

LADIES, FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T HELP YOUR DATE OUT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING! IF A MAN WANTS TO PAY FOR YOUR DRINK, LET HIM! IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO PAY FOR YOUR DRINK, SCREW HIM, AND BUY YOUR OWN DRINK! WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE AT THE RESTAURANT, THEN ORDER A DRINK LIKE A CIVILIZED PERSON!

DON'T BRING ALONG ANY FLASKS OF WHISKEY OR BOTTLES OF BOOZE IN BROWN PAPER BAGS WITH YOU ON YOUR DATE!

P.S. Not unless your date asks you to.

Hey, do you want some great dating tips on how to meet the man or woman of your dreams, if so, click on Dating Tips at the Datechest Blog.  Be sure to re-visit the blog periodically because it is updated regularly!