In countless amounts of newspaper and magazine articles I have read about everybody from parents, teachers, economists, psychologists to even gynocologists put the blame on such things as excessive partying, too much internet, pure laziness and even constant jacking off as the primary reasons why the youth of today are not living up to their true potential but i’m here to say that is total bullshit!

The real reason why the youth of today is not living up to its true potential is one thing and one thing only and that one thing is certainly not excessive partying or too much internet nor is it pure laziness (An American teenager being lazy? Surely you jest, honey!) and in no uncertain terms is it constant jacking off! (Although I must say ya’ll that is a most excellent reason! Low down dirty snicker!)

Anyhoo, the real reason why the American kids of today aren’t living up to their true potential is because of all of the early-ass five and ten year high school and college reunions! People let me ask you this. How in the hell can an intelligent or even a dumb-ass American youth be expected to perform up to their true potential with all of these early-ass five and ten year high school and college reunions always creeping up around the damn corner! It’s hopeless! It’s cruel! It’s damn wrong! People let’s face it, you can’t accomplish a damn thing in five to ten years and everybody on the planet damn well knows that except Mark Zuckerberg!

Hell, before all of this five and ten year high school and college reunion crap American kids had twenty five long-ass years to accomplish their dreams and goals and those dreams and goals included everything from being married to a hot mess mega superstar singer for 49 hours thus fulfilling the fifteen minutes of fame requirement which is just enough time to impress any normal person including your class’ hot-shit valedictorian at any high school or college reunion.

In the past, twenty five year reunions gave a youth ample opportunity to be fired from a six figure salary job after eleven long-ass years of being treated like shit but ultimately gave them some wicked bragging rights at any high school or college reunion even if they are now living on food stamps and sleeping on their mama’s couch. And twenty five year high school and college reunions certainly gave ugly and deformed-ass youths so much time to have a shitload of plastic surgery to correct their imperfections so that they could look just hot enough for the high school or college prom queen, captain of the football or their hot-ass home economics teacher to consent to have sex with them on the floor of the teacher’s lounge. But and I mean a big-ass but like Jennifer Lopez’ these lame-ass dreams and goals have all been obliterated by all of these early-ass high school and college reunions.

So all of you so called people out there who are so concerned and claim to care about helping todays youth fulfill their true potential, then for god’s sake lobby congress or pick up a big-ass sign scrawled with crayola crayons and picket your local high schools and colleges to stop them from having all of these early-ass five and ten year high school and college reunions and go back to the old school days and only hold twenty five year high school and college reunions thereby giving young people a long-ass time to fulfill their monetary, sexual and superficial dreams and goals! Please!

P.S. Another luxury of twenty five year high school and college reunions is that alot of people have croaked by then which gives them a legitimate excuse for not reaching their true potential. SO, GO TWENTY FIVE YEAR HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE REUNIONS! YOU ROCK!

What is an appeasemaonomy? 

(Definition) An appeasemaonomy is a painful procedure in which children undergo a temporary “Stepford Wives” transformation for their mom’s birthday, Mother’s Day, anniversary or some other important event in their mother’s life where they will wear whatever crappy outfit that their mom wants them to wear, sing whatever silly song that their mom wants them to sing, be nice to people that they can’t stand, go to places that they wouldn’t be caught dead at et cetera et cetera et cetera only because they love their mom so dearly and they will put up with this torture temporarily just to make her happy on her special day.

I will now use this word in a sentence to clarify it’s meaning.

For Mother's Day, Sasha had to undergo one hell of an appeasemaonomy along with one hell of an upchucking session in order to put on that long-ass neon orange and yellow dress with the two million hot pink ruffles that her mother thinks that she looks so pretty in.

P.S. Mom, even though your taste in clothes is total shit, I still really love you anyway! Happy Mother's Day! Love, Sasha!

Hey Junk Food Junkie Gals, let me give you a tip.

DON’T CHANGE YOUR EATING HABITS RIGHT BEFORE YOU GO OUT ON A DATE!

JFJ Gals, your date ain’t gonna’ be able to handle it and your stomach damn well ain’t gonna’ be able to handle this shit either! Literally!

Girl let me school ya’!

Your stomach is used to all of that beautiful artery clogging grease due to all of those thick-ass, stacked-ass double cheeseburgers with all of the fixins that you have been wolfin’ down and all of those long-ass salty-ass french fries drenched with catsup that you have been scarfin’ up and all of those golden brown fried twinkies loaded with so many damn preservatives that if you left the bitch for 100 years and came back, the damn twinkie would still be edible, that your gluttonous ass has been gobblin’ up!

Girl, that’s the shit that your stomach is used to! So Girl, don’t be goin’ and committin’ suicide all up on your date! Girl, let me tell ya’ that your date ain’t gonna’ like it, the police ain’t gonna’ like it, the paramedics ain’t gonna’ like it and your family and friends sure as hell ain’t gonna’ like being inconvenienced and having to dole out mad cash simply because your stupid-ass got herself killed by deciding to turn over a new health food leaf on your date! Girl, wake the fuck up! So Girl, quit it! But in your case, don’t begin it!

Girl, if your dumb junk food junkie ass wants to turn over a new health food leaf, choose a different appropriate time like a week or two before you have your annual physical examination at the doctor’s office! Girl, that’s the perfect time for your junk food eatin’ ass!

BUT and I mean a big-ass BUT, for all of my stubborn-ass Junk Food Junkie Gals absolutely determined to turn over a new health food leaf on their date then your dumb-ass had better come prepared! Girl, let me give you some more advice and I pray to God you’ll take it this time. For God’s sake, go to the nearest Walmart before you go on your date and stock up on these supplies.

A big-ass can of air freshner due to all of the fartin’ and shittin’ you’ll be doing all up in the bathroom, a tin of altoid mints due to your nasty stinky breath from all of the upchuckin’ that you’ll be doing all up in the bathroom, a couple packages of tums antacid due to all of the upchuckin’ you’ll be doing all up in the bathroom, an extra pair of drawers due to soiling yourself from all of the fartin’ and shittin’ that you’ll be doing all up in the bathroom, a “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego Detective Kit” for your date so that he can find you and determine if you simply deserted his ass or your shits really take that long, some boxing gloves so that you can protect yourself from all of the punches and bitch-slaps that you’ll be receiving from the establishment’s staff for stinkin’ up their bathroom and cloggin’ up their toilet and last but not least a first aid kit so that you can patch yourself up from all of the punches and bitch-slaps that you received due to all of the fartin’, shittin’, upchuckin’ and toilet cloggin’ that you did all up in that establishment’s bathroom.

Girl, be prepared for World War 3 if you decide to change your eating habits right before you go out on a date!

And don’t say, my girl, Tina Knowledgeable Peden didn’t warn you!

Because I did!

(Definition) That glorious hallelujah moment when after holding your urine in for so long that you feel like your bladder is going to explode FINALLY you are able to let the piss flow the hell out of your body and this glorious release gives you such a wonderful feeling of euphoria that the afterglow continues to stay with you many hours after you have drained the weasel or weaselette.

I will now use this phrase in a couple of sentences to clarify its meaning.

“That cute little dalmation over there in the bushes is in pure piss bliss after that long-ass ride in the fire truck.”

“John has been walking around the office in piss bliss ever since his dumb-ass drank those eighteen cups of coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts in that four hour board meeting this morning.”

“Dude, look at Pamela jumping around like a damn fool and holding her vajayjay tightly because she doesn’t want to miss a single second of that lame-ass soap opera that she has been watching. Just between us guys, when that shit is over my girl is gonna’ be in piss bliss and guess who’s going to get lucky!”

Number 10: If you are a White person and don’t vote for him, basically you are a racist.

Number 9: If you are a Hispanic person and don’t vote for him, basically you are a racist.

Number 8: If you are a Asian person and don’t vote for him, basically you are a racist.

Number 7: If you are a race, nationality or creed other than the above and don’t vote for him basically you are a racist.

Number 6: If you are a Black person and don’t vote for him, you are not only a traitor but you should be kicked out of the Black race just like Michael Jackson.

Number 5: If you are not a Black person and use the phrase, “That’s the pot calling the kettle black”, basically you are a racist.

Number 4: If he catches you buying a can of green olives at the supermarket basically you are a racist because you didn’t do the Reverend Jeremiah “Wright” thing and buy the black olives.

Number 3: If he sees you eating white, brown, red and yellow jelly beans and not eating the black jelly beans basically you are a racist.

Number 2: If you make any kind of racial slur (i.e. the “n” word or nappy-headed ho) and truly regret your hateful words afterward, be prepared to appear on his radio show for a severe scolding only to be told that you are a racist who will never be forgiven which is the perfect message a man of the cloth should be sending out. (Hey Don Imus, I can feel your pain!)

Number 1: Bouffant’s in your face twenty-four hours a day until November 2012! No! No! No! Say it isn’t so! (I’m sorry but a Black
Man wearing a bouffant hairdo is just plain wrong at least from this Black Woman who just wrote this blog post point of view!)

Before I reveal my top 10 biggest assholes on the planet list, I have to give a big ol’ shout out to the two biggest assholes on the planet of all time. Congratulations to you douche bag, Spencer Pratt and congratulations to your creepy plastic surgery addicted awful looking wife, Heidi Montag! Spencer and Heidi your ridiculous and pathetic antics on the reality shows, “The Hills” and “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here” sealed your two biggest assholes on the planet of all time fate! Congratulations and my condolences!

Anyhoo, let’s get to my list!

1. Assholes who pledge money or make donations to telethon’s like The Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon in front of their bosses or a girl that they want to bang but when they are alone and it comes time to pay the piper they completely blow them off by cancelling the credit card on which they made the pledge or donation on or hangup on the telethon personnel when they call to find out why the pledge or donation hasn’t been paid or pitch the “donation is now due letter” into the trash that the telethon personnel sent them thereby wasting some of the precious money that the telethon collected for their cause from people who actually keep their word. Asshole!

2. Assholes who have the audacity to put a shitload of commercials and trailers IN FRONT of a YouTube video, NetFlix program, on a brand new DVD or Blockbuster Big Screen Movie that I have been dying to see not to mention paid $20.00 to see (and that price doesn’t include requisite big screen movie watching essentials like popcorn with extra butter, a large mountain dew and a box of chocolate stars) in order to promote the new movie or product that will be coming out soon and actually expect me to go out and buy a ticket to see the new movie or go out and buy the new product when they have wasted precious seconds of my time by forcing me to watch their stupid commercial or trailer. Asshole!

3. Inconsiderate assholes who get chunks of jelly in the peanut butter or leave toast crumbs in the butter for the next person to clean out and are shocked when that person is extremely pissed off that they have to do this. Asshole!

4. Assholes who are next in line at an ATM machine and keep sighing every couple of seconds just because they think that you are taking too long when if the truth be told you have only been at the damn thing for a couple of seconds. Asshole!

5. Female assholes who as young girls for their own amusement or to amp up their popularity with cute but macho high school football players used to burn the hell out of ants with a gigantic magnifying glass and then grow up and claim to be “fine upstanding pillars of the community.” Asshole!

6. Assholes who hound, badger and insist on helping you with something after you have politely told them numerous times, “No, thank you” or “I can do it myself” but simply won’t take “no” for an answer thereby making you feel like a helpless defenseless child being bullied by the big bad wolf. Asshole!

7. Nasty-ass assholes who use public restrooms and don’t take a couple of seconds to clean the sprinklets of urine or drop of dookey that they left behind on the toilet seat after they have taken a dump or a squirt and the next unfortunate person who has to use that particular toilet either has to clean that nasty shit off of the toilet themselves before they can sit down and do their business or the next unfortunate person who has to use that particular toilet has to do a major squat-job while they are doing their business but still are forced to have to look at that nasty shit on the toilet. Literally! Asshole!

8. Loveable but deceitful assholic friends who say, “Help yourself to a cold drink in the fridge.” and you do by selecting a bottle of flavored water only to spit the bland-ass shit out a second later when you discover that the flavored water bottle is filled up with plain ol’ tap water. (P.S. In your loveable but deceitful assholic friend’s defense, the plain ol’ tap water was “cold” so technically you did help yourself to a cold drink in the fridge but it would have been nice if your friend could of given you some kind of warning or the heads up because after all isn’t that what a friend does warn another friend that they are about to drink plain ol’ tap water instead of ultra-delicious peach-apricot flavored water.) Asshole!

9. Assholes that eat foods that they know damn well will make their systems gasy but do it anyway then have the nerve to go out to a public place like a restaurant or a library and start farting up a storm and when other people start noticing the smell and wondering who did it, the disgusting insensitive asshole has the nerve to look at you like your the culprit. Asshole!

10. Assholic girl friends that you have been best friends with for 15 years who you have made major plans months in advance with after 4 hours of primping and prepping dump your loyal female ass in a micro-minute to go out with a cute guy that they literally just met less than an hour ago. I love you, girl, but you are an Asshole!

SPENCER & HEIDI: The 2 Biggest Assholes On The Planet Of All Time!

To view my song please click on "I will never hire Hart Plumbing & Heating for as long as I shall live!"

Shamrock Girl lay happily in a rocker recliner putting the last bite of a waffle cone that had been filled with cake batter yogurt in her mouth. She bought it at the TCBY kiosk in Jannah Park five minutes ago and already it was gone. Shamrock Girl smiled bashfully then licked two of her fingers where some of the delicious yogurt had spilled then laid back in the rocker recliner and sighed with pleasure.

It was a beautiful sunny afternoon and everywhere Shamrock Girl looked Jytrimillyans were having a good time. But Jannah Park always had that effect. Even the supervillians were on their best behavior. Don’t get me wrong, the superheros and the supervillians would always have their differences but if one thing united them together it was their planet founder’s mother, Jannah Janu. And the park founded in her name was spectacular!

It had everything including multiple gleaming dance floors with large booming speakers, an extensive compact disc library ready to be qued up within a nanosecond, big leafy green shady trees filled with luscious fruit waiting to be picked and sat under, numerous delicious food and beverage stands, lots of varieties of colorful exotic flowers, luxuriously furnished private cabanas, it’s own private beach with a large lake surrounded by mounds and mounds of navy blue sand, huge picnic tables with an attached mini fridge and microwave, plush seating everywhere and much much more.

As Shamrock Girl continued to marvel about the many anemities of park that she loved so dearly, Emeralda passed her. She was waterskiing in the park’s large lake. As she passed she smiled brightly and waved at Shamrock Girl. Shamrock Girl returned her wave with an enthusiastic one of her own. “This is the life!” Shamrock Girl thought happily. It seemed inconceivable to her that only one month ago she was on the verge of a total mental breakdown wondering if her beloved cat and best friend in the whole wide world was going to be sent to jail for 28 years.

Unbeknownst to Shamrock Girl she let out a loud breath of relief. But thank god everything had turned out okay! When Shamrock Girl thought of the reason why Emeralda the Cat had almost been sent to Junker Correctional Planetary Prison her blood began to boil. Burke the Bird and his lies and sick comments had cost Shamrock Girl almost everything that she loved and she would never forget it or forgive Burke the Bird for what he had done.

If Shamrock Girl was being completely honest with herself she was not only mad at Burke the Bird, she was even madder at herself. When her and Emeralda had walked into the Jytrimillya City Community Club’s Main Lounge that day and saw that the superhero side was empty, she should have taken Emeralda and left immediately. But it was her stubborn Black Irish Jytrimillyan pride that had stopped her. At this thought, Shamrock Girl’s chin inched higher. Shamrock Girl, a.k.a., Green O’Jadery was an O’Jadery through and through. O’Jadery’s were brave and fearless and didn’t run from anything. But sometimes Shamrock Girl admitted to herself, in life, you have to run. It wasn’t necessarily a sign of weakness but rather a sign of intelligent strength. “Oh well, you live and you learn! But there was so much in life to learn and not one person could ever learn it all.” Shamrock Girl thought sadly.

Shamrock Girl’s thoughts were again interrupted by Emeralda as she waterskiied by. However, this time instead of the bright smile on her face there was a no nonsense scowl on it and with expert eyeball telepathy she said firmly, “I know what you are thinking and it wasn’t your fault! Knock it off and have some fun before I come over there and kick your butt!” The scowl then turned into a big grin. Shamrock Girl immediately threw up her hands in mock surrender then laughed merrily. In fact she was laughing so hard that the rocker recliner that she was lying in only a few nanoseconds earlier swaying gently back and forth was now doing a violent shimmy that was threatening to capsize her.

It took a couple of nanoseconds for Shamrock Girl to get herself and the chair under control and when she did she immediately started laughing again along with the rest of the park when she saw Emeralda watching her and laughing hysterically as she hopped unsteadily around on her waterskis in addition to trying to hang onto the waterski pole that she was holding with her paws. After a couple of nanoseconds, Emeralda’s right waterski collided with her left one and she fell face forward into the lake. Two nanoseconds later her head broke the surface and she began treading water. At one point she caught Shamrock Girl’s eye and began laughing hysterically again. Due to all the laughing that Emeralda was doing her head kept bobbing up and down like a red delicious apple in a tub on Halloween. Shamrock Girl again burst into another fit of laughter.

Eleven minutes later, Emeralda was happily waterskiing again while Shamrock Girl picked herself up from off the ground, dusted herself off then returned the capsized chair to its original position. Shamrock Girl layed down on the rocker recliner and closed her eyes and thought only happy thoughts.

Shamrock Girl breathed in deeply and drank the smells of Jannah Park in. There were so many of them that her nostrils were happily overwhelmed by the fresh air itself, the scent of the lake, popcorn popping, roasting pecans, fresh cut grass, different perfumes and so many other things. The smells of the park were intoxicating. Shamrock Girl smiled lazily and said a silent prayer to Jannah Janu, their planet founder’s mother. “What a terrific lady she was!” Shamrock Girl thought proudly as she began to fall asleep. “If it hadn’t been for her there would be no Jytrimillya.”

Back in the year 1513 in Zaire Africa a beautiful young black girl named Jannah Janu had run away from home because she didn’t want to marry the leader of the Janu Tribe, Zulaki. A week before Jannah ran away she did admit to herself that the Janu Tribe leader was a very good and wise man but he was simply too old for her. Jannah was 18 and Zulaki was 83. Jannah’s chest grew tight and a huge weary frown appeared on her face because she realized that it was probably the umpteenth time that she had disobeyed her parent’s wishes by not doing what they asked and she knew that it would always be the same.

Jannah and her parents were entirely different people who would never agree on anything. That’s the way it had always been ever since Jannah had been born and the situation with Zulaki was nothing new. Deep down in her heart Jannah knew that she did not love Zulaki and never would. So Jannah defiantly refused to marry him. This angered her parents particularly her father.

Secretly, Jannah knew that she did not want to marry anyone. Her dream was to travel the world and have exciting adventures. She did not want to be tied down to anyone or anyplace. Jannah was very strong, self-sufficient and proud. This of course made her a prime catch in the Janu tribe and that wasn’t the only thing that made Jannah a prime catch. Jannah had a unique beauty. She was six feet tall, much taller than the other girls in her tribe, had a lush curvaceous figure, gorgeous cinnamon brown skin that had a beautiful glow to it, gorgeous light golden brown eyes and extremely long waist length chestnut brown hair streaked with light golden brown highlights that she wore loose and unbraided further declaring her independence.

But up until then luckily for Jannah her father had turned down the many suitors that had asked for Jannah’s hand in marriage until last week. Zulaki’s wife had just died recently and when he asked Jannah’s father for her hand in marriage her father had shocked her by saying, “Yes.” Jannah was not only shocked by the news but deeply hurt. If she even wanted a husband, which she didn’t, she at least thought she had the right to choose one for herself but she was a Janu and that was impossible. In the Janu Tribe in 1513 the women basically had no rights and the men made all of the decisions. So her father got to choose a husband for Jannah and her father chose Zulaki.

On the last night before Jannah ran away she finally told her parents her secret that she didn’t want to get married to anyone but instead wanted to travel the world and have exciting adventures. To add fuel to the already blazing fire Jannah told her parents a secret that she had never told anyone and that she barely acknowledged herself. Jannah hoped one day that after she had traveled and had many exciting adventures to give birth to a girl child just like herself. One girl child. She didn’t want a lot of children. And she definitely didn’t want any boy children.

Boys in the Janu Tribe got everything and the girls got nothing which is why she didn’t want any boy children. Upon hearing this her father was so enraged that he banished Jannah to her room. He told Jannah in no certain terms that she was going to marry Zulaki, give him many sons, stop these evil thoughts and couldn’t come out of her room until the wedding.

It took Jannah less than a half an hour to come to the decision that the only way to solve her problem was to run far away where her father could never find her. So at 1:00 am in the morning Jannah put a couple of things into an old sack and crept quietly out of the cave that had been her home ever since she was a small child and ran for her life. That was six weeks ago. What kept Jannah going despite the extremely hot weather which she could never find any cover to escape from and the lack of hardly any food and water was the fear that her father would catch up with her and drag her back and force her to marry Zulaki. Every time she felt herself wanting to give up she thought of this fact and would keep trudging onward. After six weeks of walking with barely no food and water and no cover from the stifling heat, Jannah was near collapse.

She was so tired and miserable that when she felt the ground move at first she thought she had imagined it. But when Jannah was almost knocked off her feet from the strong vibrations she knew that it was real. She then began to look frantically around trying to find out what was going on. A few seconds later Jannah had her answer. On the horizon Jannah could see horses galloping toward her and suddenly she was filled with a great sense of panic. As the horses came nearer Jannah saw three riders on the horses. The faces were white. A realization hit Jannah immediately. They were slave hunters who were going to try to take her away and force her to become a slave. Jannah instantly became angry.

Over the years, several white men had captured some of the Janu and took them away and Jannah never saw them again. Her parents and other members of the tribe told her stories of the white man. Most of them were bad and involved slavery. A slow burn immediately ignited in Jannah. Well if these white people thought that they were going to take her and force her to become a slave they had another thing coming. Jannah was a Janu. Her chin instantly went up. Janu’s were not only brave but good fighters. Even though she was dead tired the slow burn inside her had turned to an inferno. Jannah dropped her bag and squared her weary shoulders ready for battle even though she had no weapon.

One minute later, the three horses with the three white riders came to a stop two yards from where Jannah stood. With eyes of steel Jannah looked into the eyes of all three riders and was immediately taken aback. The three riders were all looking at her with smiles on their faces and obvious concern in their eyes which is the primary reason why Jannah didn’t move a muscle when they one by one dismounted and started walking toward her.

There were two men and one woman. The two men she quickly noticed were very good looking and tall. One of them was older approximately in his thirties with black hair and bright green eyes and the younger one looked like he was about her age. He also had black hair but his eyes were a darker green. “Brothers.” Jannah thought. The woman looked like she was about the same age as the older man. She had pale blonde hair and big blue eyes and was considerably smaller than the two men but just as handsome.

And that was all that Jannah was able to decipher about them before the older man reached her. He extended his hand and said in a very friendly voice, “Hello, my name is Shameous O’Jadery. Are you alright?”

For a moment Jannah was speechless. This is hardly what she expected. She started violently when the younger man said, “Shameous, I don’t think that she speaks any english.” Upon hearing this Jannah immediately found her voice and startled the three white strangers when she replied a bit sharply, “Yes I do! I speak english! I’m not dumb!” This time it was the three white strangers turn to be taken aback. After a couple of seconds the older white man they called Shameous asked her, “Where did you learn it?” Jannah noticed the curious look on his face and again she was speechless.

After all she didn’t know this man and it was none of his business where she had learned the english language. But there was something in his eyes which were a beautiful shade of green that made Jannah want to tell him everything. “Madness!” Jannah told herself but in spite of this Jannah heard herself blurting out, “A couple of years before I was born some slave hunters captured five members of my tribe including our tribe leader, Zulaki, but several miles later they were rescued by some good white men who were against slavery. The good white men scared away the slave hunters then set my people free. With the good white men’s help the Janu Tribe moved their home many miles away from their old home into the caves high above the Elanhu river. Over the years the good white men came back with other good white people and brought us food, wine, swords, books and many other things. In exchange for their kindness my people taught them our ways, beliefs and language. Again in return, some of the white people taught some of my people their language, english. My mother and father taught it to me.”

“Fascinating!&rdquo ; the older white man said and the other two white people nodded their heads in agreement. But Jannah was not listening. Her thoughts were on the food the good white people had brought her tribe. Her mouth began to water when she thought of the meat, bread, cheese and wine her mother told her that they had brought. All of a sudden a loud rumble erupted from her belly. Jannah’s hand flew instantly to it and she quickly lowered her eyes. She was thoroughly embarrassed. The younger white man scared the bejesus out of Jannah when he suddenly slapped himself hard on the side of his head and said to Jannah, “Oh my goodness, where are our manners! Would you like something to eat.”

Jannah didn’t even try to lie or let her pride get in the way instead she quickly nodded her head up and down and said, “Yes, please!” Before Jannah realized what was happening, the younger man quickly lifted her off her feet, walked briskly back to his horse with Jannah in his arms, put Jannah on it, then climbed up right behind Jannah. A second later he had the reins of the horse in his hands. Jannah didn’t know when but she found herself laughing outloud. Pretty soon she was not alone. The three white strangers joined in. “I think that’s our signal to leave.” The older white man said after they had all stopped laughing a couple of minutes later. He then helped the woman onto her horse then mounted his own and they turned around and started galloping away side by side.

Every couple of seconds the three white riders would look at Jannah to make sure that she was alright. All three strangers were suddenly filled with enormous happiness as they watched Jannah. “This is one of the happiest moments of my life!” Jannah thought then let out a loud whoop of joy. This was the first time in her life that Jannah had ever been on a horse and she loved it! She felt so happy, free and light! She wriggled around excitedly, kept yelling joyously and leaned down and whispered sweet words into the horse’s ear while stroking his head affectionately. And Jannah was not the only one enjoying the ride, the horse himself galloped carefreely and every couple of seconds he too would look back at his female rider and whinny happily.

The journey went on and on until finally it started to get dark and just as the sun was about to completely set for the night all three riders pulled firmly on the reins and the horses began to slow down eventually coming to a stop. All three white riders immediately dismounted but not Jannah. She continued to whisper to the horse how beautiful and special he was while stroking the horse’s silky mane. The horse again whinnied happily. Jannah then straightened herself up and threw her right leg over to where her left leg was and jumped down. She then quickly walked in front of the horse until they were face to face. She looked the horse in the eyes and said, “Thank you for the wonderful ride! I loved it! I love you too!” And as if the horse had understood every word Jannah had said he moved his head quickly toward Jannah’s until they were touching and were nose to nose.

They stayed that way for several seconds until the excited whinny of another horse who Jannah guessed was female came from close by and broke the horse’s attention. Jannah chuckled heartily then kissed the horse on top of the head then said, “Go have fun with your girl and i’ll see you later.” She then steered the horse into the direction of the girl horse. The horse gave her one last look of affection then trotted away. The other rider’s horses were already gone.

As the horse trotted away the three white strangers looked at Jannah with wonder. She quickly brought them out of their wonderment when she clapped her hands together loudly and said to them, “Let’s eat!” Jannah ate the tender buffalo meat, soft crusty bread, juicy grapes and cold milk with gusto. When her plate emptied, the three white strangers would fill it again. The only time she stopped to talk was to tell the white strangers, “thank you,” between bites. Jannah ate and ate and ate until she couldn’t eat anymore. After a long while Jannah became full and sated. She patted her now full belly happily and lay down on the ground. She told herself and the three white strangers that she was only going to rest for a few minutes. Those few minutes turned into 26 hours.

When Jannah awoke, at first she was scared because she didn’t know where she was but her memory quickly returned when she saw a large bushel of grapes and a big cup of water on a small table right beside her. Jannah smiled. “The white strangers are so nice and good people.” Jannah prided herself on one thing, instinct. And Jannah’s instincts were almost always right. She couldn’t explain it but she knew in her heart that the three white strangers were good people and would not harm her. As this fact was now settled in her mind, Jannah began to look around. In addition to the table with the grapes and water on it, Jannah also noticed that she was lying on top of several very soft blankets and covered with an extremely thin one. A candle also was burning bright in a holder in the corner. Jannah further discovered that when she stood up she was in a small tent of some kind. The tent had a large slit in the middle of it. Jannah walked over to it and lifted up one side of it and stepped out.

For a minute Jannah was momentarily stunned. The sky was pitch black except for all of the tiny stars lighting it up. Jannah fully expected it to be daylight but it was obviously night. “Hmmm.” Jannah said thoughtfully then her thoughts were interrupted by a signal. A bathroom signal. Jannah looked around and a couple of feet away she saw several trees and bushes and a small lake. Jannah quickly walked over to the first tree and relieved herself. She then quickly washed her hands in the lake and walked back to the tent. She now noticed that next to the tent that she had been sleeping in there were five more tents but they were alot bigger. Her curiousity getting the best of her, Jannah walked over to each tent, stopped and listened. By the first two tents she heard no noise but by the third one she heard muted voices and light coming through the slit. After exhaling a loud breath of air out, Jannah lifted the flap of the tent and stepped inside. The three white strangers immediately stopped talking when they saw her. Jannah smiled shyly then said a quiet, “Hello.”

The three white strangers immediately smiled back at her and motioned encouragingly for her to come and sit down with them. Once Jannah was sitting on the ground cross legged the older white man asked her, “How did you sleep?” Jannah lowered her eyes then smiled sheepishly. “Very well, thank you.” she said. She looked so cute and sweet that the three white strangers couldn’t help but laugh. A few seconds later, Jannah joined them. After the laughter died down the woman asked her softly, “What’s your name?” And with those three words a great friendship was born.

As if a dam had been broken, Jannah told Shameous, Caite and Jamie everything that she could about herself. Jannah told them about her restricted childhood as a girl in the Janu tribe, her troubled relationship with her parents, her refusal to marry Zulaki, many famous legends of Africa, her favorite foods, her hopes, her dreams and basically anything that she could think of and in return they told Jannah everything about themselves.

The older white man’s name was Shameous O’Jadery which he had told Jannah earlier but she forgot. He told Jannah that he had spent twenty-eight of his thirty-three years living in Dublin Ireland where he was a doctor and scientist. In fact his father was a doctor too. He told Jannah how much he hated his childhood and early adult life because of his money hungry social climbing parents. And his three older brothers and other relatives were no different. He told her many tales of being dragged over and over again to countless boring parties and balls and being forced to talk with an endless amount of overprivileged spoiled girls from the right families and backgrounds who he couldn’t stand just so his parents could increase their standing in the community.

His only way to fight back against them was to not marry any of the girls that his parents practically shoved at him which of course angered them but he didn’t care. He told them that because of his love of science he began to read books by other scientists who his father thought were works of the devil. That was basically the last straw. For most people being disowned by your family would be the most terrible thing in the world but for Shameous it was one of the happiest moments of his life! He was free! After his family had disowned him he bought a large house on the other side of Dublin and began living his life. When he went out he socialized with everybody not just people who came from the right backgrounds or who had fat purses. And he loved it! He began to make friends everywhere. He was often invited everywhere and began to travel all over Ireland. One of the perks of this travel was that he got to sample some of the best food the country had to offer. He often began dining at eatery’s all over Ireland and it was at the O’Harelin Inn and Restaurant where he met his wife, Caite.

Caite O’Harelin was the 14th and last child of Thomas and Eileen O’Harelin. From the very minute that Caite had entered the world she was miserable. Caite’s mother had died while giving birth to her and Caite’s father and brother’s never let her forget it. They were very vocal about who was to blame. From the time that Caite could understand what people were saying, Caite was the girl who had killed her mother. This made her an instant outcast in the service community of downtown Dublin. At home Caite had noone, at school Caite had noone, in church Caite had noone. And to make matters even worse, when Caite was eleven years old her father sent her to deliver an emergency message to his cousin five blocks away on horseback. During the ride the horse had been startled by a loud noise and threw her off and dragged her on her bottom for three blocks. When all was said and done, Caite had suffered a broken pelvis. The doctor told Caite’s father that she would heal in time but would never have children.

After learning this, instead of giving Caite the love and sympathy that she so desperately needed, her father developed an outright hatred for her. “What was he going to do with her now!” he would often rail angrily. She was already a huge burden for him now. No man would ever marry her and take her off his hands no matter how much of a dowry he could give them if she couldn’t give him any children. Particularly, male children. He was going to be stuck looking at this murderer for the rest of his life. Shortly after, the beatings began. Every night Caite would cry herself to sleep and pray the next day would never come. But it always did and her father would always hit her. She would often ask her brothers to help her but they never did. They thought that she deserved it. On and on the torture went until two weeks before Caite’s seventeenth birthday her father suffered a fatal heartattack and died. But the damage was already done. Caite was broken mind, body and spirit.

Caite was completely numb when she overheard her 13 brothers arguing heatedly over who Caite would live with now that their father had died. All of them wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. They often cursed her for not being the one who had died instead of their father. Her brothers all thought that she was extremely evil because she had killed their mother and did not want her around. It was eventually decided that for the time being Caite would remain living in their parent’s house until they could all agree what to do with her. Every week her brothers would trade off on living with her in their parent’s house and they all hated it.

Over a year later after their father had died one of Caite’s brothers heard from an old university friend offering them a partnership in several stores and inns that they had just purchased in England. After her eldest brother had thoroughly checked the businesses out and reported to them that they were excellent and would make them alot of money they all sold their current stores and inns that they owned in Ireland. All the brothers unanimously decided to give their family home as well as the inn and restaurant that their father had owned to Caite. Before they left they hired a respectable businessman from Dublin to run it. The man had a wife and two children who would in addition reside with Caite in their family home so that she would not be alone. For appearances sake, their eldest brother suggested and the brothers all agreed to chip in a small amount of money every month and have their lawyer deliver it to Caite monthly. Happy that their obligation was complete her brothers all departed with their families to London and never looked back.

Without all of the beatings, her father’s cruel words and her brothers indifference, over the next thirteen years Caite began to heal. One of the first major changes that Caite made in her life was to move out of her parent’s home. It was too painful to stay there because of all the bad memories and the businessman that her brothers had hired to run the inn and restaurant as well as reside with Caite practically shouted with glee when she told him that she was moving out. So at least with some kind of encouragement Caite moved into one of the empty rooms in the servants quarters and never looked back.

During her stay at the inn she became an avid reader and for awhile books were her only friends. Caite love to read books of all kinds but what books Caite particularly loved were books about different places in the world. She would often daydream the day away by picturing herself in exotic places like Africa and China having great adventures and lots of fun. But Caite was a sensible girl. She told herself flatly and firmly that she grew up in Dublin and would die in Dublin, case closed. This was her home. After awhile, Caite grew bored with staying in her room and reading books. There was a great big world just outside of her bedroom door even if it was in Dublin so Caite opened her bedroom door and ventured out.

Over the next couple of weeks Caite began following the employees of the inn and restaurant around taking care to stay out of their way. And it was a new and exciting experience for Caite. When her father was alive she was never allowed to step foot inside the inn and restaurant unless it was a dire emergency but now that he was gone and she now owned the inn and restaurant, she could do whatever she pleased. It was a beautiful revelation. She felt light and happy. Caite realized that she was totally free and most importantly, it set her heart free. For the first time in her life, a genuine smile appeared on Caite’s face and stayed there.

As Caite continued to watch the employees at the inn and restaurant she found herself being drawn more and more to the kitchen of the restaurant watching the cook. Caite loved the smell of the cooked food, she loved the different things that the cook did to prepare the food, she loved the warm inviting feel of the kitchen, basically Caite loved everything about the kitchen and the food itself. A few more weeks passed before Caite knew with absolute certainty that what she wanted to do with her life was to cook. So the next morning Caite informed the cook at the restaurant that she wanted to be a cook herself and that she wanted the cook to teach her how.

At first the cook flat out refused but a fire burned in Caite that she had never known. After the cook’s refusal before she even knew what was happening Caite found herself blurting out the words, “This is my restaurant now! If you don’t want to teach me how to cook that’s fine, you can simply find employment and room and board elsewhere! Now. what’s it going to be?” Although it was difficult to understand the cook due to all of stammering, it didn’t take a genius to figure out that she had won and was about to be granted her wish. Caite was going to learn how to be a proper cook!

This moment was another landmark in Caite’s life. Never in her life had she ever stood up to anyone or fought for something and she instantly knew the reason why. Just as a doting mother loves their child, Caite loved cooking. It was that important to her. And Caite knew that up to this point in her life she had never truly loved anything in her whole life and now she did. It not only made her feel wonderful it also made her feel powerful. Caite was invincible. So every day for the next couple of years the cook taught Caite everything that she knew about cooking and when she learned everything that she could from her she learned even more from other people. Over the years Caite’s brothers still continued to send her money monthly and Caite used that money to hire different cooks all over Ireland to teach her their skills. Thirteen years later, Caite became the best cook in Ireland.

Over the years with Caite’s cooking, the restaurant and the inn began to flourish. Under her father’s ownership the inn and restaurant always did well but under Caite’s ownership it became the best inn and restaurant in Ireland. People who had shunned Caite all of her life were now praising her. She slowly began to receive invitations to social gatherings all over Ireland and to many people’s surprise she accepted all of them, she carried no grudge. As the people of the community began to get to know Caite they came to realize what a lovely young woman she was. And the important thing was Caite began to realize it too. Cooking had changed her inside and out. She was thoroughly happy and she knew that there was no way things in her life could ever get any better. Unbeknownst to Caite, she was completely wrong because the very next day, Shameous O’Jadery walked into her inn and restaurant and three months later walked out with Caite as his wife. And it was on their honeymoon in France that they met Jamie.

James Ian McZonnelly was born a fraternal twin to Fitzgerald and Jane McZonnelly on a very cold night in Edinburgh Scotland in 1513. And from the moment that he was born he was a very angry young man. In fact one of James’ first memories was getting into a fist fight with another boy when he was just two years old. For awhile James’ whole young life seemed to revolve around anger and fights. But despite this, his parents, twin sister, Elizabeth and his other relatives continued to shower him with love no matter what he did. And unbeknownst to them that was the problem.

Unlike Caite who was never loved by her family, it was the complete opposite with James. He was the apple of his parents eyes. He was surrounded and lavished outrageously with love. And if the truth be told, James hated every minute of it. His family’s love was so excessive and stifling that he often prayed for death every night before he went to bed just so he wouldn’t have to put up with another day of it.

And the worst thing about James’ situation was that he couldn’t tell anyone because they would think that he was insane so he bottled it up and of course you can’t keep something bottled up forever without there being an explosion every once in a while hence the many fights that James got into. With fighting James was able to release some of his pent up anger and pretend that the boys that he was hitting were members of his family.

But as always because James’ parents loved him unconditionally they were always trying to think up new ways to help James get rid of his constant anger which they were convinced was just a childhood phase that he was going through and would one day grow out of. After many years of failure one day James’ father finally found the solution.

James’ father, Fitzgerald was a handyman in Edinburgh and one of its best. Around town he was considered a genius. And if the truth be told, he was. He could fix anything. So when James was nine years old his father started teaching him the tricks of the trade. And to James surprise, he loved it. And over the years he became just as skilled a handyman as his father. And unbeknownst to his father, James had found another way to release his anger. Hammering did his body alot of good. The pounding was extremely theraputic. And although James still continued to get into fights they slowly decreased over the years to the delight of his family.

However at school, noone was delighted by James. He had no friends. Nor did he have any in the close knit Edinburgh community because he had beat up practically all of his male classmates. All of them despised him and didn’t want him around. And James couldn’t have cared less. Unbeknownst to them, he loved being alone. When he was alone he felt free and that made him happy. Fixing things, fighting and being alone were the things that he loved most in life but again his parents had other ideas.

At age sixteen, James’ parents started encouraging his twin sister, Elizabeth to invite her girl friends to the house more and more secretly hoping that James would fall in love with one of them. But James was no fool he saw through their ruse right away and steered clear of the girls. If the truth be told, James couldn’t stand girls. To him they were extremely irritating and the most irritating one of all was his sister, Elizabeth.

While James hated every minute of his family’s love, Elizabeth absolutely loved and relished it. And the love that her family gave her showed brightly through her making her a magnet for everyone. While all of the kids in school hated James, they absolutely adored Elizabeth. And it was in their last year of school before University when James and Elizabeth turned eighteen years old that Elizabeth met Nicholas Riley. And unbeknownst to James this meeting would change his life forever.

Nicholas Riley was a young barrister who came from a family of extremely wealthy and successful barristers in England. On one of his many business trips to Edinburgh one of his colleagues invited him to his daughter’s school play. Elizabeth was playing the lead in the play and Nicholas had been bowled over by her. After the play Nicholas had immediately sought Elizabeth out and after she met him she was just as equally bowled over by him as he was with her. From that instant on Elizabeth and Nicholas were inseparable. A short time later Nicholas proposed to Elizabeth with her parents full approval. A few weeks later they were married.

After the wedding it was decided that James’ parents and James himself would move to England to live with Elizabeth and Nicolas. A few days later the family packed up and made their way to London and a whole new world opened up to James. London was so big and exciting. He began to diligently walk the London streets looking in awe at all of the posh shops, beautiful houses and nicely dressed people. Edinburgh of course had rich people but nothing like this. He even got into the habit of following some of the people and was often rewarded with snippets of their conversations.

They often talked about their wealth, children and houses but what James liked the most was when they talked about their travels. To James it was an anomoly. To tell you the truth, James never really envisioned a world outside of Edinburgh but from the way that these people talked there was a great big one waiting to be explored. And suddenly he was excited. He listened raptly when they talked about their trips to Spain, China and France. But his interest was immediately peaked when they talked about Africa. The people and animals sounded so foreign and exotic to James. A completely different world from his own. And it was at that moment that he knew that he had to go and see it.

Taking extreme care to not let his family find out what he was doing knowing full well that they would never approve or let him go, over the next week James formulated a plan to get to Africa. And after doing some long hard thinking, James finally remembered something and he immediately got excited.

On the first day of their arrival, at first, James had been steaming mad that he had to leave Scotland but quickly changed his mind once they arrived in London and immediately became excited. For the first few hours all James did was wander around London looking at everything he could. Finally he became tired and came back to the house. While his mother was heating up his supper James began to explore thoroughly the large estate that his brother-in-law Nicholas owned, his new home. As he was walking by Nicholas and Elizabeth’s bedroom the door was half way open and he inadvertantly overheard a short conversation between them where Nicholas told Elizabeth about where several of his family members including himself secretly hid some of their cash and jewels in case of an emergency.

At that time James paid no attention to that conversation but several months later all he could think about was that conversation and hoped and prayed that the money that Nicholas secretly hid away was in the place that James overheard Nicholas tell Elizabeth. And he hoped it would be enough to get him to Africa. So James waited impatiently for a day when the whole family would be gone from the estate so that he could go to the secret place by himself and look.

It was three weeks later that James finally got his chance. The whole family had been invited to a ball thrown by the Duchess Mary of Cornwall. Pretending that he had a bad cold James begged off from going to the ball and insisted that the family go without him. After reassuring them all especially his mother that he was going to be fine they all left early in the afternoon for the ball.

James waited an hour after they left then jumped quickly out of his bed and hurriedly dressed. He then left his room and went downstairs. There were a few servants milling around doing different tasks. He told two of them that he wanted some fresh air and to stretch his cramped legs so he was going to take a walk around the estate. To James’ delight from the expressions on their faces they could have cared less. So James quickly left the house and made his way to the little garden house at the very back of the estate.

He carefully scanned the estate for servants. When he was positive noone was around he quickly opened the door and went inside. James spotted the window straight ahead and went directly to it. Outside of the window you could see the beautiful garden growing but James could have cared less. All he cared about were the rocks that made up the floor. He loudly took a breath of air in and slowly blew it out. “Please let it be here!” James said outloud. He then bent down and began trying to lift up the huge rocks one by one.

After trying fifteen of them with no success he started to get a little depressed but as he was tugging on the sixteenth rock it lifted easily and almost made him fall backwards. When James righted himself and looked down into the long square hole his heart jumped. There was a small cloth covering the hole. With trembling fingers James quickly reached his hand down into the hole and lifted the cloth and again James’ heart jumped. Under the cloth was some kind of sack with a cord tied around it. With still shaky hands James lifted the sack out of the hole and unwrapped the cord.

A second later, the biggest smile James had ever smiled in his entire life appeared on his face. The sack was bulging with money and alot of it. James quickly began to take it out and to briskly count it. Several minutes later James had counted out several hundreds of pounds of money. It was plenty of money to get him to Africa. James was so happy that he began to jump up and down while throwing the money into the air all over himself. It took James about twenty minutes to come to his senses and he hurriedly shoved all of the money back into the sack and rewrapped the cord around it and replaced the rock.

An hour later with the sack of money in his room safely hidden under his bed, James began making final plans for his journey. Late that night, James left a long letter for his parents on his bed then crept quietly out of the house with two differents sacks in each of his hands. One sack contained the money and the other one contained some of his personal possessions and some food. He quickly made his way directly to the stables where the horses were kept and attached the two bags on opposite sides of a horse that he had ridden a couple of times, got on and galloped happily away and never looked back.

Two months later, James was happily munching on a small warm loaf of bread that he had just bought while wandering around exploring Paris. He felt free as a bluebird. A few seconds later he was jolted out of his happy thoughts by a loud noise. When James turned to the direction of the noise he noticed that a wheel had come off a carriage. James quickly stuffed the last of the bread into his mouth, chewed it up and rushed over to the carriage to offer his assistance. The next thing he knew he was shaking hands with a very tall handsome man with black hair and bright green eyes and an equally handsome woman with pale blonde hair and big blue eyes. Their names were Shameous and Caite O’Jadery.

After James had fixed their wheel, Shameous and Caite insisted that he have dinner with them to repay him for his kindness. James happily accepted. Then another invitation came asking him to dine with the O’Jadery’s and again James happily accepted. James could not explain it but he had liked the O’Jadery’s the instant that he met them. And over the next couple of weeks, more invitations came and James happily accepted them all.

After that James saw the O’Jadery’s practically everyday and they eventually became close friends although some people mistakenly thought they were brothers instead of friends due to their similar physical appearance. After that they both began to see that they really could pass for brothers. A unique fact that they hadn’t really thought about until now. James and Shameous both had green eyes. But while Shameous’ eyes were bright green, James’ were a stormy dark green. They both also had black hair, were tall and extremely handsome. Even Caite began to comment that it was pretty easy to see why some people thought that they were related.

Over the course of those weeks, Shameous told James all about himself, Caite followed next then finally James poured out his whole life story to them. After that they all felt a kind of kinship, a special bond to each other which made them all extremely happy. Late one night, Caite pulled her husband aside and they had a serious discussion. Early the next morning at breakfast, Shameous and Caite told James that they loved him and he was the brother that the both of them had always wanted and wished they had. They also asked James to come and live with them and be a part of their small family.

For the first time in his life James cried which made Caite cry and even Shameous’ eyes became a little misty because he now knew what it was like to be loved and to love someone. Shameous and Caite loved him in a completely different way than his parents and other relatives did. Their love was so gentle and sweet while his parent’s love had been all consuming and aggressive and he not only hated it, he had ran far away from it. But this time James realized that he didn’t want to run away from love he wanted it to be in his life forever. He wanted Caite and Shameous to be in his life forever. James was so happy at this realization that he hugged Caite and Shameous tightly. He told them that he felt the exact same way about them too. So James happily agreed to go and live with them in Ireland.

Three months later as they were preparing to go back to Dublin, Caite noticed a sadness in “Jamie” as they now began to affectionately call him. In fact, because of a mild fear that his family would find him and since people often mistook him and Shameous for brothers anyway, Caite, Shameous and James all decided it would be best if James changed his last name to O’Jadery and they all agreed to tell people that they were brothers. So he was no longer James O’Zonnelly anymore he was Jamie O’Jadery.

One night after supper, Caite took Jamie aside and asked him what was wrong. Since Caite had become the kind of sister that Jamie had always wanted he couldn’t bring himself to lie to her. So he told Caite the only thing that he had not told them, his secret desire to visit Africa and see the different people and exotic animals. Caite scared the hell out of Jamie with her reaction. Jamie had braced himself and fully expected a close-minded or horrific response instead he got the total opposite.

Caite was absolutely thrilled about his wanting to visit Africa because she herself had always wanted to visit Africa too. The next thing Jamie knew, Caite was begging Jamie to take her with him. Jamie let out of loud, “yes”, along with several loud whoops of joy. And that is how Shameous found them when he rushed out of the kitchen. Jamie and Caite were jumping around the dining room and whooping with joy.

It took Shameous several minutes to calm the both of them down and after he did he made them tell him what was going on. Before Jamie could even open his mouth, Caite was spilling her guts. Ten minutes later it was Shameous’ turn to jump up and down and whoop with joy. And Caite and Jamie happily joined him. So after a quick stop in Dublin in order for Shameous and Caite to get their business affairs in order, tell their friends about their plans and to get the necessary items that they needed they then made arrangements to go to Africa. Three years later while Caite and Jamie were accompanying Shameous while he collected samples to evaluate in the makeshift tent/office that he set up in Zaire all three of them had accidentally come across Jannah.

When Jamie had finished telling Jannah his story along with the others, Jannah was truly astonished. As she looked from Jamie’s face then to Caite’s and finally to Shameous’ she couldn’t believe it. It was so strange. They were all so different but at the same time so much alike. Jannah let out a long low whistle at this revelation. “Jannah.” Jannah started a little bit when she heard her name. “Yes?” Jannah said quickly. “What are you going to do now?” Caite asked.

For a minute Jannah looked completely puzzled. Seeing Jannah’s expression Caite smiled and said, “I mean you told us that you want to travel the world and have exciting adventures. What I am asking is where exactly are you planning to go to have these adventures and what exactly are you going to do for excitement?”

Yet again Jannah was struck speechless because if the truth be told Jannah didn’t have the slightest idea. She really hadn’t thought that far ahead. Everything with her parents, the forced marriage, and the running away had all happened so fast in addition to the six weeks trekking through Zaire, Jannah had not had a chance to think where she was going to go for the exciting adventures that she so desperately wanted or even what she wanted to do. Then another realization hit Jannah. She had no money. How was she going to go to different places and have exciting adventures without any money. Tears started to pour from Jannah’s eyes and she involuntarily slumped forward in defeat.

Shameous, Caite and Jamie instantly began to comfort her. Caite pretty much had her answer about Jannah’s plans. But before Jannah had come into the tent, Caite, Shameous and Jamie were also making their own plans and they involved Jannah. A short time later after Jannah had stopped crying and was sitting crosslegged almost upright, Shameous lifted Jannah’s chin until they were both looking into each other’s eyes. He then said in a very gentle voice, “Jannah, we’ve all talked it over and we want you to come and live with us.”

At these words Jannah was instantly speechless, shocked, happy, scared and so much more. So many different emotions were running through her. A few minutes later Jannah was able to find her voice and she said, “Why? Why do you want me to come live with you? You don’t even know me.” Jannah then bit her lip and waited in fear for the answer.

It was Shameous again who answered. “Well, you’re right Jannah we don’t actually know you but in a strange way we all feel that we do know you. Caite, Jamie and myself all trust our instincts and those instincts are telling us that you are a wonderful young girl that we want to be a part of our small family. Please, Jannah come with us?”

And when Jannah looked away from Shameous’ sweet face into Caite and Jamie’s happy and encouraging ones she had her answer. “Yes, I will come with you.” A big smile appeared on Jannah’s face. For a few seconds they all just smiled at each other then Caite let out a loud whoop of joy and rushed to hug Jannah. Shameous and Jamie were hot on her tail and became a part of the hug too. At that moment Jannah’s heart was finally at peace because she had found in Caite, Shameous and Jamie the kind of family that she had always wanted. Jannah was truly happy.

Over the next twenty five years, Jannah traveled around the world with Shameous, Caite and Jamie. Before they left Zaire they came up with the cover story that Jannah was their slave which allowed Jannah to travel with Shameous, Caite and Jamie without any questions or trouble. Over those years Jannah’s mind and spirit were richly nourished and fully sated by her many travels to countries like China, France, England and many many more. It was such an exciting time in Jannah’s life. At times she couldn’t believe that her dream had come true. She was actually seeing the world. On her journeys, Jannah saw many things. She saw good things and many bad things but never complained once because the one thing that a Janu knew for certain was that you could not have good without having some bad. They went together. There was nothing you could do about it but accept it and Jannah had done that a long time ago.

And slowly over those twenty five years Jannah changed from a beautiful young girl of 18 to a beautiful well-traveled wise woman of 43. On Jannah’s birthday she couldn’t believe that she was 43 years old. Where had the time gone. But she already knew the answer. Jannah had traveled so much over the years plus she had had so much fun that the time seemed to breeze by without her being fully aware of it. Her 43rd birthday really got Jannah thinking. And not all of it was happy thinking. Although Jannah was currently very happy because she had so much in her life to be thankful for she ultimately started to feel a hollowness in her heart that she just could not get rid of.

At first she told herself that it was nothing but then quickly realized that was not true. After that Jannah often found herself chastising herself for feeling this way. I mean she had a roof over head which was currently in Spain and she loved it. She had plenty of food to eat, had seen so much of the world and had had the many exciting adventures that she had always dreamed about including riding on top of a huge gray elephant, saw some of the most beautiful treasures created by man in China and had met many soldiers and warriors of different races all over the world.

But most of all the thing that Jannah was most thankful for were her family. Jamie, Shameous and Caite. She loved them very much. They had been with her through it all. They loved her, supported her and encouraged her. They were a part of her. They were deeply embedded in her heart and her soul and she couldn’t imagine her life without them. Jannah knew that she was a lucky girl. She had so much to be thankful for but no matter how much Jannah scolded and told herself this, the hollowness in her heart simply would not go away.

At first Jannah couldn’t understand what was happening to her but one day when Caite and Jannah were looking at fruit at one of the vendor stands owned by Mr. Hernandez it all came crashing back to her. While they were looking at the fruit all of a sudden Mr. Hernandez’ wife rushed up to them with tears running down her face. She then thrust a baby in Mr. Hernandez’ arms and told him that her mother had taken seriously ill and that she needed to be with her. She then gave Mr. Hernandez and the baby a quick kiss then rushed off. A few seconds later, Jannah got to hold Mr. Hernandez’ daughter, Salma. For Jannah it was love at first sight and heartache at first sight because Jannah now knew the reason why she felt so hollow and she couldn’t believe that she had forgotton that in addition to her dream of traveling around the world and having many exciting adventures one of her other dreams was to one day give birth to a girl child just like herself after she had these exciting adventures.

Then without warning another realization hit Jannah. For twenty five years she had traveled the world and had many exciting adventures and she knew that she would have more but now that one of her dreams had been fulfulled something deep down in her heart was telling her it was time to fulfill her other dream. As Jannah was thinking this she was suddenly struck with an emotion so strong that it shook her to her very core. Jannah realized that it was not only time for her to have a baby but that she actually wanted a baby, desperately!

And for the next few days that was all Jannah could think about. That’s all she saw. Babies, babies, babies, everywhere! And it began consuming her heart, body and mind. All of a sudden Jannah had no energy and she became unusually tired and began sleeping alot. She even started to decline going outside of the house. Shameous, Caite and Jamie instantly became frightened. None of them had ever seen Jannah like this before.

They didn’t know what was wrong but they were determined to find out after two weeks had gone by and Jannah was still the same. So early one morning Shameous, Caite and Jamie prepared all of Jannah’s favorite foods, put them all on plates and each carried one up to her room. Shameous softly knocked on Jannah’s door until he heard her tell him to come in then all three of them entered the room.

As they all sat down on Jannah’s bed with the plates of food in their laps they couldn’t help but notice the big black and blue circles around Jannah’s puffy red eyes. All three of them were suddenly at a loss for words. Absentmindedly they all began to nibble on the food that they had brought up for Jannah. They all started when Jannah said, “It can’t be that bad.” Her finger pointed at the food. Shameous, Jamie and Caite all gave nervous little giggles at Jannah’s attempt at humor. Again Jannah startled them when she said, “I know that you want to know the reason why I haven’t been feeling myself lately.” In unison all three heads whipped up and looked at Jannah waiting for the answer that they were all of a sudden too scared to ask.

For a few minutes the room was deafly quiet then the silence was broken by a loud sob. Soon tears began to spill from Jannah’s puffy red eyes down onto her cheeks. Shameous, Caite and Jamie’s fear instantly doubled. Then all of a sudden Jamie stood up and took the plates from the others and set them aside. He then sat back down on the bed closer to Jannah and took her hands into his own. He involuntarily sucked in his breath when he felt how cold her hands were. With worried tears in his eyes and in an uncustomary shaky voice he said, “Jannah, for god’s sake please tell us what’s wrong?”

The next few days were difficult ones in the normally happy house. While Jannah wiled the day away in her bed weeping and sleeping, Caite, Jamie and Shameous desperately tried to come up with a solution to Jannah’s problem. After a couple more days of many disagreements they all ultimately decided on the most reasonable solution. In order for Jannah to have a baby she was going to have to get married. A solution that they all knew that she would not like because it was no secret that Jannah did not want to get married to anyone. To Jannah, marriage was like a death sentence. To her it was like being tied down to a tree forever and they all knew that Jannah was a free spirit who did not like to be tied down to anything or particularly anyone. To put it simply, being single was being free to Jannah.

So the day before Shameous, Caite and Jamie were going to present their solution to Jannah they rehearsed what they would say to her thoroughly and had many facts to back up their statements. Their most powerful one being Shameous and Caite’s successful marriage. So the next day, Shameous, Caite and Jamie full of determination along with strong pangs of fear presented their solution to Jannah and she shocked the hell out of them when she told them that they were indeed right.

In between all of the weeping and sleeping that Jannah had done she told them that she had also done some hard thinking and came to the same simple solution that they had. If she wanted to have the girl child that she always wanted and she was positive that she was going to have a girl child although she would gladly take a boy child just as long as it was her own, she was going to have to get married. It was just as simple as that.

But she also told them that even though with all of her heart and soul that she wanted a girl child she wouldn’t settle for a marriage less than Shameous’ and Caite’s. If she was going to get married it was only going to be to a man that she loved and loved her equally back. She wouldn’t accept less. The man that she was going to marry had to be a good husband like Shameous who not only loved her but respected her, accepted her and let her be herself, good and bad. Huge smiles came to Shameous, Caite and Jamie’s faces as she said the last part with her usual proud no nonsense expression and high lift of her chin because they got a glimpse of the old Jannah that they loved so much.

Jamie was the first to hug Jannah closely followed by Shameous and Caite. Jannah returned their hugs fiercely and found herself smiling for the first time in a couple of weeks. All of a sudden a great weight had been lifted off of her shoulders as she now knew what she had to do and if she were being totally honest with herself she had known the solution to her problem all along and it was not bad at all. The thought of marriage didn’t frighten her as it once had. It suddenly hit Jannah that just because you were married didn’t mean that you couldn’t be free too.

Freedom was something that would always be with you if you really wanted it to be. I mean look at Shameous and Caite. They were married but you could easily see the freedom in their eyes. And at that moment Jannah really did see it and it not only opened her eyes but her mind too. And Jannah vowed right then and there that one of the first things that she was going to teach her child was the meaning of freedom. Jannah then sighed blissfully and began thinking only happy thoughts. One of her happy thoughts was that it might take weeks, months or even years but one day soon she would have the girl child or possibly boy child that she always wanted. Jannah then smiled even brighter because she was truly happy again.

In addition to being extremely happy again she was also extremely hungry again. Jannah realized that she had barely eaten anything in weeks. So to Shameous, Caite and Jamie’s delight Jannah quickly got out of bed and jumped down each one of the stairs happily then made her way to the kitchen. By the time the others got there Jannah had a chicken leg in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. As Shameous was raising his glass and was about to propose a toast to Jannah he was abruptly interrupted by loud, frantic knocking on the kitchen door.

No sooner had Jamie opened the door than Dr. Ortega, a good friend and colleague of Shameous’ came dashing in and went straight over to Shameous put his arm around him and began jumping up and down. Dr. Ortega then began speaking in a high squeaky excited voice. “Come my friend, you must come!” Jannah’s expert ears perked up immediately and the needle on her exciting adventures meter went into overdrive. “Dr. Ortega, can I come too?” Jannah quickly blurted out. “Of course, of course senorita! You all must come! But we must go now!” Dr. Ortega said with excited urgency and began to strongly pull on Shameous’ arm.

Two and a half hours later Jannah, Caite, Jamie and Shameous were all staring in disbelief with their mouths hanging open. None of them could believe what they were seeing. All of them were standing in a clearing on the highest ridge of the Peralta Valley and everywhere they looked there were smoking balls sending thick black smoke high up into the air. Jannah, Caite, Jamie, Shameous and even Dr. Ortega all jumped with fright when Dr. Alvergani Lawgood, another doctor and science friend of Shameous’ that Jannah absolutely adored said in a somewhat out of breath way, “I got the water!” When Jannah turned to fully look at Dr. Lawgood she noticed that he was leading a large horse up into the clearing who was towing a large wagon filled to the brim with water. Dr. Lawgood wasted no time in distributing the large buckets attached to each side of the horse to Jannah, Caite, Jamie, Shameous and Dr. Ortega.

For a moment Jannah, Caite and Jamie were at a loss of what to do but Shameous, Dr. Ortega and Dr. Lawgood weren’t. The three of them immediately rushed over to the wagon and filled their buckets then raced over to the nearest smoking ball and began to pour water all over it until it stopped smoking. Now that Jannah knew what to do the excitement immediately started to pulse through her again and it was not long before she ran over to the wagon filled her bucket and ran over to the left side of the clearing where the unknown balls were smoking the most and began slowly to pour water all over them. This immediately spurred Caite and Jamie into action and soon everybody was refilling their buckets and pouring them all over any ball that was smoking.

Six hours later all of the smoking balls were gone and in their place were large pieces of sparkly glass of some kind that at first they all mistook for diamonds. “What are they?” Caite asked her husband in awe but having no answer for his wife Shameous simply shook his head and told her that he didn’t know. “Well whatever the hell they are we had better pick them up and take them home with us because they sure as hell look damn important!” Dr. Lawgood said with a wicked grin then immediately started to pick up the large sparkly pieces of glass and began putting them carefully into the now empty wagon.

With big smiles on their faces, Jannah, Caite, Jamie, Shameous and Dr. Ortega also began to quickly put the pieces of the large sparkly glass into the wagon. As Jannah worked her mind began to wander. Just like Jannah, Dr. Alvergani Lawgood was from Zaire Africa. His tribe, The Alvergani were one of the most revered tribes in Africa. They were particularly well known for their healing and medicinal skills which were by far the most superior in the land. And Dr. Lawgood was no exception. If the truth be told he was the most brilliant of them all.

Many years ago when Dr. Ortega and a few other of his doctor/scientist friends were on an expedition in Africa they accidentally came upon The Alvergani and were instantly impressed especially with Dr. Lawgood. A short while later Dr. Ortega and Dr. Lawgood became close friends. At the end of Dr. Ortega’s expedition he invited The Alvergani tribe to come to Spain but they all refused except Dr. Lawgood who like Jannah was also eager to see the world. So Dr. Lawgood and his wife Lily who was currently pregnant packed up and made their way with Dr. Ortega and the other doctors back to Spain. Healing person after person with his unusual African remedies and methods Dr. Lawgood became an instant success and one of the most sought after doctor’s in Spain. It was absolutely inevitable that Dr. Lawgood, Dr. Ortega and Shameous would meet and all three become the best of friends.

Jannah started violently when Dr. Lawgood interrupted her thoughts by saying, “Well that’s it ladies and gentlemen and if the lovely Jannah Janu will pick up the last piece of glass we can all go home and eat and rest.” Abruptly brought out of her reverie, Jannah’s eyes immediately scanned the clearing noticing that it was totally bare except for one piece of sparkly glass that lay on the ground directly before her. Wasting no time, Jannah quickly bent down and picked up the last piece of sparkly glass and as she closed her hand around it so that it wouldn’t fall the piece of glass all of a sudden disintegrated into several small pieces.

“Oh no!” Jannah said while looking at the broken pieces in horror. Dr. Lawgood was the first to reach her. “Jannah are you alright? Did you cut yourself?” he asked, his face full of concern. Jannah quickly shook her head, “No doctor, i’m okay. It’s just that I accidentally broke the glass.” Jannah then immediately lowered her head in shame. “Sorry.” she mumbled. Dr. Lawgood began to laugh heartily. Jannah’s head whipped up instantly. Jannah immediately say the playful glint in his eyes as he said, “Well my girl we’ll just have to make do with the wagon load of glass that we already have.” After making this statement Dr. Lawgood again started laughing heartily but this time he grabbed Jannah and pulled her into his arms and hugged her fiercely. His chest moved up and down and back and forth as he laughed. With relief Jannah started laughing too and so did the others.

After a few minutes when they all finally wound down, Jannah still felt the pieces of broken glass in her palm. On a hunch she asked the group, “Can I keep this one?” she said pointing at the broken pieces of glass in her hand. With big ol’ grins on Dr. Lawgood, Dr. Ortega, Caite, Shameous and Jamie’s faces they all said in unison, “No!” and instantly started laughing again. Jannah joined in a second later. “Hey everybody let’s go home! I’m so hungry that I could eat a horse or all of this glass and I really don’t think that i’ll like the taste of either.” Jamie said wickedly. Again they all began to laugh again and with the horse pulling the wagon full of glass they all happily and noisily made their way home. The broken pieces of glass that Jannah was allowed to keep were safely tucked away into her pocket.

Much much later, Jannah laid in her bed in her bedroom totally unable to sleep due to all of the extraordinary events of the past day. Once they all returned to the house they all ate, drank and talked about the events of the day and Jannah had been in absolute heaven! She could hardly believe her ears when Dr. Ortega and Dr. Lawgood told them how they had been out walking searching for different kinds of plants that they could use in their medicine making when they found themselves at the bottom of the Peralta Valley where there was a little stream. Both doctors decided that before they made the journey back home that they’d rest for awhile. So they’d each took out the sandwiches that they brought along for a snack and dipped the cups that they’d also brought along into the stream of cold water and began eating and relaxing. It was less than 5 minutes later when they both heard a strange noise. Both of them quickly abandoned their food and stood up quickly not knowing what exactly to do.

As the noise grew louder they both looked up into the sky where the noise seemed to be coming from then all of a sudden the sky lit up with fire and a few seconds later the fire disappeared into the Peralta Valley. Dr. Ortega told them that it took him and Dr. Lawgood about 20 minutes to calm themselves from the shock of what they had just seen and walk up into the valley to investigate. Once they decided their course of action they quickly made their way up the Peralta Valley following the smoke until they came to a large clearing in the valley and found the smoking balls which turned out to be sparkly glass. After talking for a few minutes they formed a plan which ultimately had them deciding to tell noone what happened until they themselves knew exactly what happened. And in the meantime it was also decided that Dr. Lawgood would go home and fetch a strong horse, wagon and buckets then fill the wagon with water from the little stream at the bottom of the Peralta Valley and meet Dr. Ortega and Shameous back at the clearing while he went to get Shameous.

Jannah lovingly let her fingers run over the small bits of sparkly broken glass wrapped in a cloth lying in her lap. As she did this a thought struck her that she nor anyone else noticed before. Jannah quickly picked up all of the pieces in her right palm. “You’re not sharp!” Jannah said out loud with excitement. At this point, Jannah’s mind began to race. All of the glass that Jannah had ever come into contact with had always been razor sharp and would cut your fingers quite easily but not this glass. Experimenting Jannah closed her fist and pressed her hand closed as tightly as she could then after a few seconds opened it again. After transferring all the broken pieces of glass to her left hand even in the dim candlelight as Jannah examined her right hand she could see that it was completely unharmed. Her excitement went through the roof.

If this had been real glass her palm would have been all cut up and bloody. “You are not glass!” Jannah said out loud matterfactly. One second after she made this statement the sparkly glass started to brighten until it was a powerful effervescent white. Jannah immediately started to wriggle with excitement because she was sure it was a sign that she was right. “If you are not glass, what are you?” Jannah asked the broken pieces in her hand but they still only continued to glow brightly. But this did not deter Jannah, she was too excited.

Even though it took some effort Jannah made herself calm down. Once she did she then examined the broken pieces of the unknown stuff in her hand and all of a sudden her body gave a powerful involuntary lurch because in the center of the broken pieces now lay a broken piece in the shape of a heart which Jannah was positive had not been there before. Jannah quickly discarded the other broken pieces into her left hand and examined the heart piece in her right. It was about two centimeters big and one centimeter thick and it was absolutely perfect. In fact it was flawless. “What are you?” Jannah asked the heart piece in her right hand and the other broken pieces in her left hand. All the pieces still glowed brightly. Jannah was momentarily startled when she heard a voice inside her head, “I’ll bet you Shameous would know.” “Of course!” Jannah said out loud then raced out of her bed with the unknown broken pieces in both of her palms and within a few moments was filling Shameous in on what had happened.

Jannah sighed loudly. “If you keep doing that your going to get one hell of a sore throat.” Jamie teased as they both were walking to the open air market to shop for fruits. But Jannah couldn’t help sighing and she did admit that she had done alot of it lately but she just couldn’t help it. The past three months had been extremely frustrating not to mention extremely embarrassing for Jannah. From the very instant when Jannah had made her discovery about the broken glass and went in to show Shameous nothing happened no matter how much Jannah willed it, the heart piece and the other pieces wouldn’t light up as they had brilliantly in Jannah’s bedroom that night three months ago and this really annoyed her.

Even after Shameous, Dr. Lawgood and Dr. Ortega all took turns watching the broken pieces and performing different experiments on them they still would not light up and to Jannah this was the ultimate betrayal. It made her both angry and sad. Jannah felt like the biggest liar in the world which she wasn’t. But all of the doctors, Caite and Jamie all assured her that they believed her and in their eyes she could easily see that they were telling her the truth but it still frustrated Jannah none the less.

After three months, yesterday in fact, Shameous had given Jannah back all of the broken pieces including the heart to keep. He then told her if anything happened to let all the doctors know immediately. So not wanting to miss anything Jannah again on a hunch asked Jamie to make her a ring band and to attach the heart piece to it figuring that if one piece lit up the others would too so there was no sense in carrying around all of the broken pieces she would instead take along with her just the one. It took Jamie less than an hour to make Jannah the gold ring band and attach the heart piece to it. When Jamie playfully slipped it onto her marriage finger Jannah giggled girlishly. “It was the most beautiful ring in the world!” Jannah thought to herself happily momentarily forgetting her frustration of the past three months.

A day later as she and Jamie walked to the open air market, for the millionth time Jannah looked down at the traitorous heart ring on her right hand and willed it to light up but of course it didn’t. Watching Jannah as they walked, Jamie shook his head then put his hand over Jannah’s hand that wore the ring and held it tightly. Then he looked deep into her beautiful light golden brown eyes with his equally beautiful dark green ones. “Forget about that blasted ring for one damn minute and let’s have some fun! Okay?” Jamie pleaded. Jannah sighed again loudly then she smiled at the frustrated look on his face then patted his hand with her other hand. “Okay.” she said grudgingly.

When they arrived at the open air market they had a ball selecting fresh fruit from all of the many carts. Once they finally made their selections they loaded them up into the small but deep wagon that trailed behind Jamie. As each of them ate a peach as they walked Jannah suddenly heard herself blurt out, “Let’s take a long walk. I’m not ready to go home yet.” “Sure.” Jamie said agreeably. The wagon that trailed behind him was child’s play. In fact he was only using one finger to pull it. “Okay little lady, you lead the way.” So following Jannah they both walked and walked and walked until they found themselves at the scorched clearing up in the Peralta Valley.

Jannah sat down on the ground in the middle of the clearing and immediately began thinking. After securing the wagon of fruit on the edge of the clearing Jamie came and sat down right next to Jannah. His usually happy mouth was formed into one long unhappy slit. “Please light up!” Jannah said angrily to the ring! “Light up, damn you!” Jannah was momentarily startled when she heard a loud grunt. When she turned she saw Jamie’s face now full of unconcealed anger. Jannah’s shackles immediately went up. “What?” she said defensively. “Is that why you brought us all the way out here? To get that blasted ring of yours to light up!” Jamie said his voice shaking with rage. “So what if I did!” Jannah replied defiantly. “So what if you did!” Jamie echoed increduously. “Jannah you’ve gone mad, absolutely mad!” Jamie said now on his feet. He was flailing his arms wildly while stomping his feet.

A second later, Jannah was on her feet. Her shoulders squared for battle. “I am not mad! I’m perfectly sane you big oaf!” Jannah puffed with anger. “Yes you are! You’re obsessed with that stupid ol’ ring of yours lighting up so that you can prove to us that you weren’t lying. Well i’m going to let you in on a little secret that everybody already seems to know but you, we already believe that your blasted ring lit up, in fact we all believed you from the very start so stop acting completely insane. For god’s sake it’s all you care about! Don’t you care about anything else anymore Jannah? You used to you know!”

For a few moments Jannah was struck speechless by Jamie’s words because deep down in her heart she knew that he was right. The fact that the ring hadn’t lit up in front of the others was really bugging her and made her feel like a big liar and if there was one thing that the Janu valued in other human beings was honesty. Now that Jannah began to think about it her shoulders slumped in defeat. She really had become obsessed with proving to everyone that she was right when in fact was stupid because everybody already did believe her and they had from the very start.

At this realization Jannah let out a loud frustrated howl and hit herself on the side of her head. When she finally looked over at Jamie her anger came back full force when she saw that he was grinning at her smugly. Knowing full well that he was right but not quite willing to admit it to him just yet and not exactly knowing where the words were coming from Jannah quickly said with her hands on her hips, “I care about alot of things you idiot!”

“Like what?” Jamie asked her with the smug grin still on his face. Jannah immediately began to shake with rage. With every vein in her neck sticking out Jannah spat, “I care about Shameous, Caite, Dr. Ortega, Dr. Lawgood…” But Jamie quickly interrupted her. “And what about me? Do you care about me, Jannah?” Jannah instantly rolled her eyes. “Of course, I care about you! In fact, I love you! So, there!” Jannah said triumphantly.

However 30 seconds later Jannah wanted to find the nearest hole, climb into it and hide. “Why did I say that?” she asked herself increduously. And just as quickly a small voice inside her head replied, “Because it’s true.” Jannah’s hands immediately flew to her open mouth. “I love Jamie.” she said to herself and was shocked when this time it was her heart that spoke and confirmed her feelings. All of a sudden Jannah became instantly frightened. She couldn’t breathe, she felt trapped and she hated that feeling. Not knowing what to do she let her body guide her so running on pure instinct she turned to run away but Jamie quickly grabbed her arm. He then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him then savagely brought his lips down onto hers. Jannah’s whole body instantly felt like it was on fire and it was such a wonderful feeling that she never wanted it to end. Jamie’s lips against her own felt so good, felt so right. Their lips fit perfectly together and every single part of Jannah’s body rejoiced. “I’m in love! I love Jamie!” Jannah thought happily then kissed Jamie back with all of the passion that she could. Jannah and Jamie continued to kiss and kiss and kiss until Jamie’s lips abruptly moved away from her mouth and began to trail hot wet kisses up to her right ear. His voice was husky when he said, “I’ve been waiting to do that for a long time Miss Janu. And by the way, I love you too.”

Instantly tears came to Jannah’s eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Jamie tenderly wiped them away with his thumbs then gave Jannah a long kiss. When the both of them finally came up for air a long while later, Jannah lovingly caressed Jamie’s face as she looked deep into his dark green eyes. “I love you Jamie O’Jadery and I always will.” she said, her voice full of happiness. Jamie smiled bright. He then took Jannah’s hands off his face and held them in his own hands and began to tenderly kiss them. He did this for several seconds. He then looked up at Jannah and said, “I love you Jannah Janu and I always will too.” At these words Jannah hugged Jamie tightly loving the feel of his body up against hers. One second later they both jumped with fright when a bright white light suddenly appeared between them.

And as they involuntarily stepped back from each other, all of a sudden the bright white light that both of them could now see was coming from Jannah’s ring lashed out quickly in both Jannah and Jamie’s directions. For a split second the light made contact with each of their fingers and just as quickly withdrew. With absolute shock on their faces both Jamie and Jannah examined their fingers where the white light had touched them and they both discovered that there was no injury whatsoever but they both began to rub them to sooth them all the same.

It was Jannah who saw it first. “Oh my god! Jamie, look!” Jannah cried while pointing her finger. When Jamie looked up he couldn’t believe his eyes. Two big droplets of blood were hovering in midair just a couple of yards away from them. And as if a magnet was in the center pulling them together both droplets of blood were slowly moving towards each other. A minute later when both droplets of blood made contact with each other a beautiful kaleidoscope of brilliant colors burst into the air. It was the most beautiful display that Jannah had ever seen.

And just as quickly as it had came, it left and in its place was a small heart floating midair. Jannah now standing next to Jamie with one arm around his waist quickly tightened her hold and sucked in her ragged breath. She flinched when she felt Jamie’s fingers dig into her waist. At first Jannah thought it was her imagination but it wasn’t. One of Jannah’s hands flew to her open mouth while Jamie’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. There was no doubt about it, the floating heart was getting bigger and bigger. It took only a few moments for it to grow to the size of a watermelon and when it stopped it started floating toward’s Jannah.

At this sight, Jamie’s protective instincts went into overdrive. He quickly clutched Jannah’s right hand and told her to run but something in Jannah told her to wait. Jannah quickly looked into Jamie’s eyes and pleaded, “No, Jamie. We’re going to wait. It’ll be fine, trust me.” she said. A few seconds later Jamie relented. And as both of their eyes turned back to the huge heart less than five seconds later it was lying in Jannah’s arms. The very instant that Jannah held the huge heart in her arms a feeling of euphoria washed over her that she could not explain. The one word that did come to Jannah’s mind was “complete.”

As Jannah continued to hold the watermelon sized heart in her arms she happily smiled up at Jamie with a smile so breathtaking that it took his breath away. Unbeknownst to Jamie, a huge smile appeared on his face and at that very moment the bright white light suddenly faded away and the bottom of the heart also slowly started to fade away revealing a pair of tiny sunshine yellow feet, then legs, then stomach, then head with beautiful chestnut brown hair streaked with light golden brown highlights exactly like Jannah’s. Jamie and Jannah looked at the baby in Jannah’s arms with excited wonder. And as if the baby could sense their excitement she quickly opened her eyes and tears instantly filled Jannah and Jamie’s eyes because looking back at them with a big ol’ grin on her face were dark green eyes the exact same color’s as Jamie’s.

This was truly one of the happiest days of Jannah’s life! She was sitting in a beautiful park lined liberally with lush trees filled with delectable fruits while beautiful and exotic flowers grew everywhere and just to her right was a large lake with an attached beach piled high with mounds and mounds of navy blue sand. Currently the park was decorated for a king or a princess as Jannah and Jamie often called her. And as Jannah, with tears pouring down her face watched lovingly and proudly as her best friend and husband, Jamie O’Jadery walked their now 18 year old daughter, Jalena down the aisle to get married to Shameous Lawgood Ortega, the youngest son of one of her oldest and dearest friends, Dr. Carlos Ortega she was filled with a happiness so great that it lit up the park with an atmosphere of pure and undying love.

For a moment Jannah was broken out of her reverie when her husband, Jamie sat down next to her and took her right hand and kissed it just as he had done everyday for the past 18 years. He then moved his head so that it rested up against Jannah’s and that is how they watched their daughter’s marriage ceremony. And as always Jannah’s mind began to wander. With the biggest smile on her face she began to reminise about how they had got to this moment. After all, it was truly amazing!

From the very instant that their daughter, Jalena was born she had steadily over the 18 years filled in all of the missing pieces. Jannah silently chuckled to herself when after she and Jamie had rushed back to the house to tell Shameous what had happened on that glorious day the look of shock on his face when inside the little wagon was not fruit but a smiling laughing baby. And from the very moment that baby Jalena had met Shameous, Dr. Lawgood and Dr. Ortega she was already issuing orders to them by pointing her little finger and either laughing or crying when they were right or wrong about something.

Over the years they had found out many things from Jalena. The first was about their planet that Jalena had name Jytrimillya due to Shameous, Dr. Lawgood and Dr. Ortega’s constant scientific references. Three, in particular. Gigantic – which meant something of great size. And the words Million and Trillion – which were extremely large numbers. After years of investigating and research all three doctors and other doctors determined that the new planet was comprised of trillions of miles of lush and diamond-like land. It was gigantic! Hence the name, Jytrimillya.

The sparkly pieces that they initially mistook for diamonds and glass were actually the foundation for the very planet that they were currently watching a marriage ceremony on. You see, trillions of miles away from the planet Earth and the other planets in the solar system as the three doctors called it there was a small planet called Glissereen. And on that planet lived a very brilliant doctor and scientist named Dr. Gliro Glyrin. As a scientist, it was one of his dreams to create a whole new planet consisting of organisms from his home planet of Glissereen and another planet from the other planets trillions of miles away. So one day he got to work.

After a while Dr. Glyrin came up with an idea and the key were the glisserite crystals that he had finally constructed. The crystals acted like sponges soaking up anything that they could. Inside each piece of crystal lay every single organism on Glissereen including organisms from it’s people, it’s lands, it’s animals, it’s insects, it’s food, it’s drink, etc. And there was even one piece of crystal that was above all of the rest. This piece was called “The Heart” and Dr. Glyrin had carefully hidden it among the other crystals. You see, in order to have a healthy thriving planet you had to have living organisms, in this case, people, animals and insects and much more to exist.

But unfortunately one day word leaked out through a spy about Dr. Glyrin’s project and pretty soon every scoundrel on Glissereen was trying to steal the crystals. So to protect his work one night he sneaked off of Glissereen. While he was riding through space on his Glisserglider he soon discovered that he was being followed. At one point Dr. Glyrin temporarily escaped his pursuers and was able to jettison all of the crystals except one that he kept out into space. Eventually he was able to escape his pursuers due to his high powered Glisserglider and sought refuge on the planet of Saturn.

After hearing about Dr. Glyrin it didn’t take Shameous, Dr. Ortega, Dr. Lawgood, Caite, James and Jannah long to figure out where the jettisoned crystals wound up. Eventually Shameous, Dr. Ortega and Dr. Lawgood with Jalena’s help found out that the crystals that had disintegrated in Jannah’s hand on that day were “The Heart” and other glisserite crystals. They all later found out that those glisserite crystals were to given out only to a select group of doctor/scientists to further construct the new planet.

After the rings with the glisserite crystals had been made and given out to those doctor/scientists personally selected by Shameous, Dr. Lawgood and Dr. Ortega the doctors were then sent out into the world to collect organisms from every single thing that they could in order to populate the new planet. And over the years that’s exactly what they did and were still doing even till Shamrock Girl’s day.

The rings had been specifically constructed so that they could suck the life force out of every single living thing and make new organisms from this life force. Over the years on the planet Earth, the rings collected organisms from people, animals, insects, food, drink, flowers, trees, soil, water and so much more and became intermingled with the organisms from Glissereen. Just like on Glissereen, on Earth, the rings collected the ugly and the beautiful, the solved and unsolvable, the good and the bad and in between (Where eventually the good people on Jytrimillya would be called the Superheros, the bad would be called the Supervillians and the in between people who were Jytrimillyans who both carried the superhero and supervillian gene would be called Hervillings) basically everything that a new planet would need to come alive.

And over the years, the glisserite crystals in the rings that the doctor/scientists wore sucked up the collected organisms greedily until one day 10 years later filled with enough nourishment from the organisms of Glisserine and Earth, the large pieces of glisserite crystals that had been carefully hidden in Shameous’ laboratory suddenly one by one started attaching themselves to each other and hours later grew into a very large diamond shape sparkling and glissening bright as it floated trillions of miles away from Earth and eventually ended up on the exact opposite side of Glisserine where the planet Earth lay smack dab in the middle.

At first Shameous, Dr. Lawgood, Dr. Ortega and the other doctor/scientists were in a total panic about if they would ever see the plant again but as always 10 year old Jalena who was eternally connected to the planet patiently explained to them that they all had to now travel to Jytrimillya by the way of a “justice.” In Jytrimillyan terms, a “justice” was an ethereal floating shape that appeared when you commanded it and took you where you wanted to go. (In additon to that, it also had other special abilities.) And from the very nanosecond (a time increment often used by Jytrimillyans) when Jannah had told her ring that she wanted to go to Jytrimillya she was hooked! She loved traveling by justice! Jannah would never forget her first ride to Jytrimillya on her justice. After her command, a large red heart, very much like the one that had brought Jalena to them, appeared several inches off the ground right in front of her. Jannah never one to miss an exciting adventure quickly wasted no time in hopping onto her justice and after a few nanoseconds of flying/floating bliss she was standing on the “Heart of Justice” but on the new planet of Jytrimillya. For Jannah and the others it was just one of the many extraordinary things that they all had to get used to.

At that moment so many wonderful feelings came over Jannah. Jannah involuntarily rubbed her finger with tears in her eyes where along with Jannah’s wedding band, a small extremely sparkly ruby shaped into a heart that Jamie had made especially for her also lay on her marriage finger. The ring was a combination of a regular ruby stone and one of the disintegrated glisserite crystals. You see, the moment after baby Jalena had opened her big beautiful dark green eyes and smiled at them “The Heart” that had been on Jannah’s finger instantly transferred onto baby Jalena’s extremely tiny one because she was the ring’s rightful owner. “The Heart of Jytrimillya” as the ring was known was designed to be worn by the mother or founder of the planet and that of course was Jalena Janu McZonnelly O’Jadery Ortega Jytrimillya or Jalena Jytrimillya as she would be eventually known.

As Jannah looked at her beautiful ring she marveled at it’s many abilities. Over time from Jalena and the other doctors, all those who wore the special glisserite rings which instantly appeared on the finger or around the neck of every person, animal and insect that was born on Jytrimillya, that you could combine the glisserite crystals with a precious stone of your own choosing like a diamond, emerald, ruby, sapphine, etc. and personalize it to your own style and make it all your own. Jannah found herself now looking around at all of the different colored rings in all shapes and sizes on all of it’s wedding guests and the collar rings around their animals and insects. It was so wonderful to see each person’s, animal’s and insect’s personal style and that made her happy. Jannah loved individuality.

And she also loved the many other abilities of the glisserite rings including their ability to give you long life. In all of the doctor/scientist’s opinion a Jytrimillyan could easily live at least 200 years which was wonderful news to Jannah because even at the age of 61 she still had alot of living to do. Jannah also loved that the rings could make their wearers invisible. Oh how much fun Jannah had had playing minor tricks on people by making herself invisible while she tagged along with some of the doctor/scientists to various places on Earth to collect organisms. Jannah also loved the elongating ability that the glisserite ring gave her too. It still amazed her after so many times of doing it by simply pulling the skin either forward or backward you could change your age. Jannah often pulled her skin back to when she was 18 years old and would often reminise about the first time that she had met Jamie, Caite and Shameous or she would pull it back to when she was 43 when Jalena had first come into their lives. “Oh how Jannah loved her family!”

And as Jannah looked around at all of the good families at the wedding who would one day in the future be called “Superheros” her thoughts returned to her own small family and how it really came to be. As usual they all had learned from Jalena and eventually Dr. Glyrin himself, who was currently winking at her. Jannah happily winked back then saw Dr. Glyrin turn his attention back to the ceremony. Jannah wished that she could concentrate like that but her mind was always constantly wandering. Anyhoo, they all eventually found out that in order for the planet to come to life the glisserite crystals not only needed organisms they also needed “true blood” which was blood from a good man and a good woman who were truly and eternally in love. Because that’s how every planet in the universe really started, with the love of a man and a woman.

At this point Jannah let out a long quiet breath. “It sure was an adventure getting here!” she thought. But Jannah also thought that after 43 years of exciting adventures and having her baby girl, Jalena she still of course wanted many exciting adventures but she also wanted stability. Badly! After traveling back and forth from Earth to Jytrimillya and vice versa, Jannah thought that she would never say this but finally she had had enough. A few weeks before Jalena’s wedding she had informed everybody of her feelings and of her intention to live permanently on Jytrimillya. And of course like the close knit loving family that they were it didn’t surprise Jannah in the least when all of them decided to make Jytrimillya their permanent home too. All of the doctors agreed that they would do their scientific work from Jytrimillya and let the other doctor/scientists particularly the young ones continue to visit Earth and soon other planets in the solar system and collect new and fresh organisms for the planet to consume so that it could continue to thrive and populate.

After that, they all were very happy and excited about finally settling down permanently and started making big plans like building their own houses on Jytrimillya. Jannah was particularly excited by this because she would have her very own home (something she never truly had) and Jamie told her that whatever style she wanted their home to be in and whatever furnishings that she wanted, she could have. The sky was the limit! He just wanted her to be happy. And Jannah was, very much so.

At that moment Jannah’s thoughts were broken abruptly by loud applause and a warm kiss on her cheek from Jamie. Seconds later there were many hugs and kisses from Jalena, her new son Shameous Lawgood, Caite, Shameous, Dr. Lawgood, Dr. Ortega, Dr. Glyrin, Dr. Glyrin’s cat Costas, and many other friends. And as Jannah hugged and kissed them all she finally realized that all of her dreams had come true and she was completely happy. For a minute Jannah’s mind wandered back to the 18 year old girl forever buried inside her and involuntarily let out several loud whoops of joy and a second later all of the wedding guests including her family happily did the same.

As Shamrock Girl slowly stirred awake she felt so happy and for a nanosecond didn’t know why until she opened her eyes and looked around the park and instantly remembered. While Shamrock Girl was happily remembering her wonderful dream a cold droplet of water landed on her arm and startled her. And when she looked over in the direction that it had come from she saw Emeralda her beloved cat and best friend in the whole wide universe vigorously toweling her beautiful jet black fur dry. When Emeralda finally noticed that Shamrock Girl was awake she smiled at her and with expert eyeball telepathy said, “Hey sleepy head, I have a surprise for you.” And before Shamrock Girl could say anything a tray floating in midair carrying two cups of TCBY’s cake batter yogurt, two spoons and several napkins suddenly appeared before her.

Shamrock Girl smiled brightly and took a cup, spoon and a couple of napkins, a nanosecond later Emeralda the Cat took her cup, spoon and the rest of the napkins and the floating tray instantly disappeared. A semi-dry Emeralda laying in the rocker/recliner on her belly asked her after taking a huge bite of her cake batter yogurt, “Did you have a nice nap, girl?” The smile on Shamrock Girl’s face got even brighter as she looked lovingly around the park that Jannah Janu had watched her daughter and their planet’s founder, Jalena Jytrimillya, get married in so long ago and said, “Yes, kitten, I had a very nice nap indeed.” With the effervescent smile still on her face, Shamrock Girl took a bite of her delicious tcby cake batter yogurt and sighed with pleasure. “This is the life!” she thought happily then Shamrock Girl let out several loud whoops of joy and a nanosecond later not only did Emeralda join her but all of the superheros, supervillians and superpets in Jannah Park did too.

SHAMROCK GIRL SHOUT OUT TIME! I would like to give a big Shamrock Girl Shout Out to TCBY, The Country’s Best Yogurt! TCBY, your company and all of your franchise owners totally rock! Keep up the good work and Happy St. Patrick’s Day! TCBY’s web address is http://tcby.com" title="http://tcby.com" target="_blank"http://tcby.com and their Facebook webpage is http://www.facebook.com/tcby" title="http://www.facebook.com/tcby" target="_blank"http://www.facebook.com/tcby

P.S. Have a Happy St. Patrick’s Day, every day of the week! Love, Shamrock Girl! 

Usually when most women think about having sex during their menstual periods the word, “gross” immediately springs to mind. But let me tell you something my fellow maidens that extremely creative women like me already know and that is a woman can have the best damn sex of her life while she’s ridin’ the crimson wave! And here are a few examples, my fellow maidens.

1. If you have sex on your menstrual period and ruin the bed sheets, couch cushions, carpeting on the floor or the brand new red and white checkered table cloth that your mother-in-law bought you at Walmart for $12.99 the good news is that you have the perfect excuse to go on a shopping spree! And oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, how us girls loves us some shopping spree! Hooray!

2. My fellow maidens let’s face it, guys love two things when it comes to sex. First they like it “red hot” and second they like it “wet!” So by having sex on your menstrual period your guy gets a kick-ass 2 for 1 deal. Since menstrual blood is red and the vagina is usually hot, you’re giving that lucky bastard exactly what he wants! And let’s face it fellow maidens, what guy wants to stick his hot prick all up into a dry-ass hole, B-O-R-I-N-G! Maidens, since menstrual blood is wet, again your giving that lucky bastard what he wants, a slick-ass hole that he can ease on down ease on down the road into.

3. For all of those prim and proper maidens out there whose sex lives have become extremely “vanilla” and it’s driving them fucking crazy, doin’ the nasty on your menstrual period can break you out of that boring gelatin mold that you are stuck in. Maidens, experimentation and getting a little freaky deaky when it comes to sex can bring a couple even closer together which is something most women want.

4. If you are one of those maidens that lives in a dump or shitty-ass house or apartment due to low finances, attending college or you simply are into slumming just think how happy you’re gonna’ make some of the bed bugs in your crappy crib by gettin’ busy with your man while your on your menstual period since those sons of bitches can live for a year off a single drop of blood! Just think you’re not only gonna’ score mad points from the constantly discriminated bed bug community but from PETA as well! You go humanitarian, girl!

5. To some guys a “I don’t give a fuck attitude” can be a real turn on! So by having sex during your menstual period you are basically showing your man that he ain’t no damn inconvenience and there ain’t no shame to your game. Meaning: You’ve had sex together in the past with your man and you have cleaned up a shitload of his sperm and gallons and gallons of your own pussy juice so cleaning up a few pints of menstrual blood after sex is no big deal. And maidens, guys who love gals with “I don’t give a fuck attitudes” are gonna’ love you for your free nasty-ass spirit!

6. Fuck roses, chocolates and romantic poems! What better way to declare your love for your man by fucking his brains out on your menstrual period to Leona Lewis’ hit song, “Bleeding Love!” Let’s face it maidens, nothing says “I love you” more than this.

So maidens, my advice to you is to: DO IT, DO IT, DO IT TILL YOUR SATISFIED, even if it is during your monthly menstrual period!

After all, who the fuck cares!

Go for it!

Hey runners, I wrote this review just for you!
To read the review please click on:
I love to run everyday of the year not just on Earth Day!

And after you read the review, please come back to this post and click on SURPRISE!

Hey fellow travelers and travelettes, if you ever decide to travel through New England, Prescott Park has the best amenities.  To check them out please click on Prescott Park's Unbeatable Amenities .

Hey fellow travelers!
Are you thinking about taking a trip to the seacoast?
Is Portsmouth New Hampshire one of your stops?
If so, you must absolutely do this…..
To find out what you must absolutely do in Portsmouth New Hampshire, please click on Travel Portsmouth!

People I am going to be extremely frank with you. Taking a shit regularly is great! It’s healthy, it’s natural, and it’s so good for you! BUT, taking a shit right after you have just taken a shower is totally unacceptable! I mean it is a total fucking oxymoron! I mean, what’s the purpose of taking a shower when you have to take a shit directly afterwards! I mean that shit, pardon the pun, doesn’t make any sense! Let’s face it people, the ultimate purpose of taking a shower is to get CLEAN! I mean you spend all that time soaping the vagina, penis and hairy-ass-deodorant-encru sted armpits and getting every other body part smelling fresh and looking squeaky clean only to get everything DIRTY and stinky just a few minutes later! What the fuck? All that scrubbing, wiping, and washing all for NOTHING! Fuuuuuuuck! Shiiiiit!

So I say to you now people, we must revolt! People, we got to get our shit together! As the intelligent-ass human beings that we are we have to become the masters and mistresses of our own destiny! And in shit terms that means that we have to dictate to our bowels when the shit will come out, how much shit will come out, what color the shit will come out, and how smelly the shit will come out! People, we have to tell our shit that it can come out of our squeaky clean assholes, sure, but only after a respectable time period. And certainly not right after we have just taken a nice hot shower! No fucking way! People, we have to stand firm with our stools! We have to be hard with our stools! No more being loose with our fucking stools! After all our just newly cleaned assholes certainly deserve it!

And people, before I go I have one last announcement to make. I have just learned that 64 freshly cleaned assholes, 1001 shitty asshole and 1 Elvis Presley impersonator have just left the building! Thank you people, thankyaverrymuch!

M issed
O ne damn
M onthly period.

D icked
A round
D aily, baby!

Ladies, regardless whether you are an aries, taurus, gemini, cancer, leo, virgo, libra, scorpio, sagittarius, capricorn, aquarius or pieces, this is your horoscope for the period of January 1 – December 31, 2012, so let’s get started!

Money/Career Forecast: Luck! I see green, people! Good news! You will receive that long-awaited cost-of-living raise that you have been counting on! Unfortunately the extra 15 cents per hour won’t be enough to buy that six room beach house in the Bahamas or that pair of extra silky pantyhose with the built in granny panty crouch that you so desperately want. Dammit!
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: March 17th (Happy St. Patty’s Day!)

Love/Relationship Forecast: After years of praying, crying, binge eating chocolate bon-bons and 2,000 broken dishes, one of your wishes will finally come true when your longtime boyfriend finally tells you that he loves you but only after years of you pretending that you don’t want a serious relationship. But who cares! Better late than never! Your strategy finally paid off! You win!
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: February 14th (Happy Valentine’s Day!)

Fashion Forecast: Numerous compliments from men, women and chiguagua’s will come your way at work when you wear a stunning black dress that you bought on sale at Macys. But just remember ladies to keep a cool head when you find out after doing your laundry seven weeks later that the stunning black dress that you bought on sale is actually a MATERNITY dress and you’re not even close to being pregnant! (In fact, if the truth be told, your vagina has developed a big ol’ cobweb across the opening due to all of the sexual inactivity.) But anyhoo ladies always remember fashion rule number one: “Baby, it doesn’t matter how big a dress is, it’s how good you look in it! Work it, girl!” P.S. Big girls & thin girls rule the planet equally!
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: January 1st & July 4th (Happy New Year & Fourth of July!)

Entertainment Forecast: A new friend enters your life for a short time after a crisis situation. That’s right, you and Paris Hilton will become best buds after her filthy stinkin’ rich family finally decides to show some common sense by cutting off her inheritance and kicking her butt out of their expensive-ass diggs until she can show some damn sense. But being the good christian that you are you decide to take her into your home after you spot her panhandling for $10,000 bills out on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills only to kick her ass out of your own home 1 hour and 31 minutes later when an african american friend of hers stops by for a visit and is told by Paris that she can’t use the Ivory Soap to wash her hands because it is strictly for white people’s use. After apologizing profusely to Nicole Ritchie and letting her use the Ivory Soap then making sure that she gets safely into her limo you decide right then and there that you are done with no-talent, famous for absolutely nothing celebutantes and your New Year’s Resolution for the year 2012 is to lead a happy drama-free simple life! Amen, sister, amen!
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: April 1st & October 31st (Happy Halloween & April Fools Day!)

Health Forecast: Laughing at my 2012 horoscope ladies combined with your beautiful sense of humor will temporarily take away any pain, physical or mental, that you are feeling so be comforted sweet spirit! Dr. Tina “Knowledgeable&rdqu o; Peden’s prescription for the year 2012—Include intense laughter therapy into your everyday life! Laugh as much as you can, whereever you can for as long as you can! Remember, sweet spirit, laughing is not only damn good for you but it’s absolutely free! And every person on this planet knows that a lady never turns down free stuff! It’s just in our designer jeans or something.
Lucky Day(s) of the Month: December 25th (Merry Christmas!)

Well, ladies, this concludes your astrological horoscope for the year 2012! I, Tina “Knowledgeable&rdqu o; Peden truly hope that you have a happy, safe and prosperous year! And that includes you too, Paris and Nicole!

Ending any relationship requires a few of the following: strength, a certain fed-up factor, willingness to embark on a new chapter in one's life, acceptance of a shattered dream and the right timing.

But one of the most important things that women fail to remember when ending a relationship is that it is very important to be very careful and to proceed with extreme caution!

Our primary goal when ending any relationship is to get out of it as quickly, painlessly and safely as possible.

Sometimes when there are big or fragile egos involved this can make ending a relationship extremely unpleasant or downright dangerous!

Reality check! Some men in a relationship just won't take no for an answer when it comes to a breakup, so watch out and be prepared!

Ladies, if you can avoid entering into a potentially bad relationship beforehand, then you can save yourself a whole lot of heartache but the fact remains that most us when it comes to relationships tend to leap with our hearts and our vaginas first rather than with our big heads and fail to see what was right in front of us in the beginning. This is called a red flag.

Ladies, when entering or deciding to exit any relationship, it is extremely vital that you know the basic red flags.

They are not difficult to learn.

Here are a few:

ISOLATION
-This is a major red flag that it's time to kick his ass to the curb. This is when your partner tries to drive everyone that you care about or cares about you, away. They will put their foot down when anyone tries to come over to your dwelling or invites you over to theirs. Some men don't even want their partners to talk to or make eye contact with staff in restaurants, drug stores or movie theatres that they go to. Sometimes the toxic partner will go as far as encouraging mean or rude behavior towards these people. And when it comes to isolation it does not only include trying to prevent physical contact from other people but also contact from other people by telephone and email as well. The toxic partner's ultimate goal is to make you defenseless. lonely and completely dependent upon them.

COMPLETE CONTROL
-A second red flag is the controlling alpha male! This man wants to basically be the master of your universe. He wants to control what you do, where you go, who you talk to, what you eat, how much money you spend, what kind of clothing you wear and yada yada yada! He wants to completely take over your life! In essence, he wants to be your daddy but not in a good way.

PHYSICAL ABUSE
-Rule of thumb: If a man hits you once it is usually safe to say that he will hit you again. Ladies, no woman is another man's personal punching bag! Every woman deserves to be in a healthy non-violent relationship that involves respect. If a man hits you just once, get the hell out of there! There is absolutely no excuse for domestic violence no matter what the abusive partner may say.

VERBAL ABUSE
- If the words, "bitch", "stupid", "loser" "worthless" or any other putdown starts to come out of your partner's mouth frequently, leave! This is a clear sign that your partner no longer respects you. Whether intentional or unintentional, the toxic partner is trying to hurt you by destroying your self-esteem and you deserve so much better than that.

WITHDRAWAL & AVOIDANCE
-When a woman and his partner stop communicating, the relationship is over baby! When people in a relationship stop talking to each other, this is bad news. When one partner constantly avoids discussing topics that are important to the other partner there is no way that the relationship can last. A requirement to a healthy long standing relationship is positive and sometimes even negative communication. When the communication stops, the relationship is over.

TRUST & JEALOUSY
-When your partner talks to other women at work, occasionally arrives home late or even goes to a friend's bachelor party, for a relationship to work their partner has to have a certain level of trust in them and can't get jealous of every little thing at the drop of a hat. If constant suspicion and the green-eyed monster keep rearing their ugly heads, then it's time to call it quits for both partners sakes.

CRYING
-If you just can't seem to turn off the waterworks or the tears appear at the drop of a hat whenever you or your partner are in the same room with each other, kiss the relationship goodbye. You deserve to be in a relationship that lifts you up not brings you down.

THE "L" WORD
-If your partner stops verbalizing that he loves you, fails to bring you flowers or gifts or stops showing you affection like kissing or making love to you regularly like they used to do in the dating phase of your relationship sometimes we have to face the fact that the spark may have went out of our relationship and it's time to move on.

NONCONSENSUAL SEX
-I believe that this red flag is self-explanatory. Nobody but nobody has the right to force sex on anybody! If a woman tells her partner no, that she doesn't want to have sex but the partner totally disregards her wishes and makes her have sex anyway regardless of whether they are married or not, this is rape! Healthy sex requires the consent of two or more people.

In closing I just want to say that I hope that the red flags that I have shared with you in this article will help you better decide when it's time to exit a relationship. Remember, one of the keys to any successful relationship is knowledge. So do yourself a favor by frequently visiting your local public library if you don't have a computer of your own or doing some research from your home computer online about dating and relationships and other matters of the heart. Let me assure you that this knowledge will make knowing when to call it quits in a relationship a little easier and gentler on your heart and your ex-partner's too.

Quote from superhero, Shamrock Girl of The Adventures of Shamrock Girl series:

With the effervescent smile still on her face, Shamrock Girl took a bite of her delicious tcby cake batter yogurt and sighed with pleasure. “This is the life!” she thought happily.

To read the comic book style short story in which this quote came from please click, Shamrock Girl & The Story of Jytrimillya!

The Unofficial TCBY Slogan:
Shamrock Girl Says: TCBY – from Your First Delicious Bite, “This is the Life!” You Sigh with Guilt-free Delight!

Halong tours! Halong Bay cruises and halong bay tours - Information and guide to Halong Bay Vietnam - Spectacular cruise aboard wooden junk boat, kayaking in the hidden lagoons.

Every restaurateur should consider using address labels because they have so many unique uses in the culinary world. For example an address label can be cut into small strips and used to wax the hair off of the hands or arms of a hairy chef,  they can also be put over the mouth to silence those “extremely annoying constantly complaining about the food” customers, they can also be placed around your cooking area to catch those pesky flies and gnats that always seem to appear when you have fresh fruit out in the open and oh yeah, they can also be used on your business mail too.

It’s a well known fact that Thanksgiving and Christmas are the biggest times of the year for canned food donation and as a former domestic violence victim and homeless person myself, I feel that it is my duty and responsibility to share some of my extensive knowledge by giving anyone who reads this article valuable tips on donating canned food goods to domestic violence and homeless shelters during the holiday season or any other time of the damn year that are generally not listed in the average article. So let’s begin baby!

Tip Number 1:

When donating canned goods to domestic violence and homeless shelters ALWAYS try to give them DIRECTLY to the patrons themselves!

The reason why I personally recommend this method is that the staff members of the domestic violence or homeless shelter won’t have the opportunity to steal or take out the best canned goods and keep them for themselves or their families and give or leave the shitty canned goods for the patrons of the shelter.

As a former patron myself of many domestic violence and homeless shelters I have seen many bad things and this one is at the top of my list. I have seen many a staff member steal the patrons fucking blind so donators, watch out for these corrupt-ass cocksuckers!

Also, if you can, try bringing the canned goods at meal times, i.e. breakfast, lunch or dinner, when alot of the patrons will be around. And always ask if you can stay and watch the canned goods being given out with your own two eyes. And if you are a regular donator, always bring the canned goods on different days and times so that all of the patrons have an ample opportunity to get some of the canned goods that you bring and not the same people every time. Remember, the patrons of these shelters have regular work and school schedules and many other appointments and if you always bring the canned goods on the same day and at the same time alot of the other patrons will miss out and that’s not fair. So donators remember to mix it up baby!

Tip Number 2:

If you are a donator with a major “i’m better than you” attitude, big ol’ bug up their butt or are only donating the canned goods to a shelter so that it will look good on your tax form or you will look like a martyr to your family, friends, co-workers or fellow country club members, do the patrons of these domestic violence and homeless shelters a huge favor by keeping your stupid-ass at home and shoving the canned goods straight up your sorry fucking ass!

As a former domestic violence victim and homeless person, I can’t speak for everybody but I sure as hell can speak for myself and tell you that when I was in these shelters I would have rather starved myself fucking blind (and I often did) than take help from a stupid-ass idiotic motherfucker like the above mentioned people! But that’s just me personally.

This may not be a familiar fact with the general public so let me school some of you brothers and sisters out there by telling you that some domestic violence and homeless shelters are staffed with employees that are so cold-hearted, mean and so unhappy with their personal lives that their sole purpose for taking and remaining in their jobs at the domestic violence or homeless shelter is to solely bully, harrass and treat the patrons of these shelters like total fucking shit to even the score. So alot of patrons at domestic violence and homeless shelters have enough shit in their lives that they have to put up with without having to put up with the shit of a stupid-ass sorry-ass donator like the ones that I have mentioned above, so do them a favor and stay the fuck home and shove the canned goods straight up your sorry fucking ass!

I mean don’t get me wrong you don’t have to be a total fucking saint to donate canned goods to a domestic violence or homeless shelter but it also helps if you’re not a total fucking asshole either. But if you are a total fucking asshole who still wants to help a domestic violence or homeless shelter purely for your own selfish stupid-ass reasons do the right thing and go out and buy some gift cards to Walmart or other grocery stores and drop them into the mail this way the patrons won’t have to put up with your bullshit and they can buy whatever canned food goods that they want without your stupid ass around. Easy breezy! But be sure stupid-ass sorry-ass donators to ask the staff members of the shelter to mail or fax you some kind of proof like photos or signed agreements from the patrons that can be verified that the gift cards were actually GIVEN to the patrons and not pocketed by corrupt-ass immoral-ass staff members of the shelter.

Tip Number 3:

Don’t just donate canned goods from your home that you don’t like or have too much of and think automatically that the patrons of the shelters that you give them to will automatically eat them or be grateful for them.

Hey donator, just as you may not like the canned beets or succotash that has been sitting on your kitchen shelf for twelve years, the patrons also may not like that shit either. Catch my drift, moron?

Donators, always remember two things. One, that you ain’t god baby! We already have a god and a damn good one at that so why would we need a sorry-ass perpetratin’ motherfucker like you? Two, that you are not the only one with discriminating tastes when it comes to food. Let me send you back to school donator baby, domestic violence victims and homeless people have discriminating tastes too and ain’t just going to eat anything just like you! Remember, domestic violence victims and homeless people may be temporarily down on their luck donator baby but they have their pride too and don’t you forget it! The reason why I mention this is because it’s possible that one day donators you could find yourselves unfortunately in their position. There is a popular saying that we’re all just a couple of paychecks away from being homeless. And ask yourselves if you were homeless do you want some sorry-ass perpetratin’ motherfucker thinking that you should be kissing their ass for bringing you a couple of usually fucked up jacked up canned goods and treating your ass like you will eat anything and have to be grateful for the shit just because you are homeless. (Oh no, baby! Oh no!)

If you can donators, try to visit the shelter of your choice beforehand and ask if you can leave a flyer that can be hung up and ask the patrons to write down their favorite canned food goods. Give the patrons a few days to write down their choices then return to the shelter, pick up the flyer then either go out and buy the items or look around your kitchen or pantry then deliver them to the shelter. But ALWAYS make sure that the canned goods are given to the patrons ONLY not the staff.

Also donators, give some of your BEST canned goods to the shelter of your choice and also try to be ORIGINAL. For instance during the holiday season, there are only so many cans of turkey gravy and cranberry sauce that a patron can take. If you can, try to give something unique or in hot demand like a can of coffee or a can of smoked salmon. I know that those items may sound a bit extravagant but tis the season baby! Tis the season!

And donators try not to be total fucking cheapskates either! Remember, there is life and food outside of your goddamn kitchen! Go out and BUY some canned goods too. I mean you don’t have to be a billionaire like Bill Gates to buy a can of Dole Pineapple Slices or a can of Hormel Beef Chili. Remember donators to once again, mix it up and cough it up! Take some of those hard earned dead presidents out of your wallet and go out and buy some good shit for the patrons of domestic violence and homeless shelters! Remember to treat people as you yourself want to be treated! Amen, baby! Amen!

Tip Number 4:

If you are a donator who thinks that domestic violence victims are pathetic, weak-ass victims who should have never let a person knock them upside the head or you are a donator who thinks that homeless people are lazy-ass people who don’t want to work, then do the patrons of domestic violence and homeless shelters a big favor and go fuck yourself then educate yourself before you drop off one single can good to a domestic violence or homeless shelter!

One of the biggest stereotypes that domestic violence victims have to fight everyday literally is that they are pathetic and weak-ass because they “let” a person hit them and one of the biggest stereotypes that the homeless have to fight is that they are lazy-ass people that don’t want to work which in so many cases is totally untrue. Alot of these individuals at these shelters are the strongest, bravest and hardest working people to walk the earth! There are a myriad of reasons why a person can become homeless or a domestic violence victim. Some of them we may be familiar with and some of them we would never think of. Whatever the reason, don’t judge until you know the whole damn story!

So donators if you are a narrow-minded asshole who thinks in stereotypical terms when it comes to domestic violence victims and the homeless you might want to seriously consider educating yourself and get your shit together before donating a single canned good to a shelter because you just might come upon a very perceptive patron stressed to the damn max and with zero tolerance who may just end up kicking your ass for your stupidity. And it would be your own damn fault if they did! So donators, avoid this bullshit and educate yourself about domestic violence victims and the homeless before you donate!

My name is Tina Knowledgeable Peden and to all of you who have read this article, I really hope that these tips will help you out in your future canned food donations.

Happy holidays, have a wonderful thanksgiving, merry christmas and have a kick-ass new year!

Thank you!

‘What started out as bumpy and hilly,’

‘Blossomed into a smooth unblemished path of luminous light,’

‘Standing in all of it’s grandiose splendor at the end of the path of illumination is the home of our creator and maker, The Lord God Almighty,’

‘His smile is breathtakingly beautiful as he rolls out the welcome mat for you,’

‘He then envelops you in a hug so full of love that your fear dissolves and you know that instantly everything will be okay because you have at long last arrived at your true home,’

“Welcome home angel!” God says happily to your beloved loved one that has had the privilege of passing on into this heavenly world, “Welcome home!”

A Message To The Family And Friends Of The Beloved Loved One Up In Heaven:

Rest your heart and mind. I’m okay! I’m with my creator and maker now. I know that things may seem bleak now but everything will be okay. Trust oh strong and beautiful one, in me and God. We both love you very much!

Hey guys, are you feeling down?

Hey gals, are your spirits low?

If so, pay a visit to the following website below and get your laughter on!

And as Heath Ledger’s awesome character, The Joker in the hit movie, The Dark Knight would say, “And here we go!”

To view the website please click on “I seriously need a good laugh!”

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It’s false advertising, really. Just like when a triflin’ chick wears a padded push up bra to entice a guy only for the sweet innocent guy (loud-ass snicker) who only likes chicks with big jugs to unfortunately find out later when they are gettin’ it on that like Christopher Columbus and Ferdinand Magellan he has discovered the great American flat lands. Boo hoo hoo, sweet innocent guys! (Loud-ass snicker!) That’s what your asses get for bein’ so damn shallow! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Anyhoo gettin’ back to the damn subject of this blog post, hey dudes and dudettes, I have a question for yall, “Why does Dexter Morgan, ya’ know the lovable psycho serial killer with a soft spot for kids on Showtime’s hit tv show, Dexter ALWAYS answer his damn cellphone! I mean dudes, dudettes what the fuck is up with that sick shit? I mean it ain’t normal! It’s totally fuckin’ psycho for a normal human being to answer his cellphone all the time! Sacrilege, baby! Sacrilege! And okay people I know that Dexter Morgan isn’t exactly “normal” but still a psycho serial killer answering their cellphone all the time is in a psycho league all its own! Sacrilege!

I mean the majority of people in the world even crazy-ass serial killers when they are ill, busy, working, committing a murder, having a good time or hell, even enjoying a good dicking simply ignore answering their landline or cellphones but not Mr. High & Mighty Pledge Allegiance To The Code Of Harry, Dexter Morgan! No this selfish crazy-ass sonofabitch answers his damn cellphone 24/7! I mean sometimes Dexter will do the right and normal thing and let his cellphone go to voicemail! (God Bless America!) B-U-T and I mean a big-ass butt like Beyonce’s, Dex will ALWAYS answer his damn cellphone THEN let the bitch go to voicemail! Wtf??? Sacrilege, baby!

I’ll tell ya’ of all of the fucked up shit this psycho serial killer has done which includes going all “hammertime” in the fourth season on kick-ass actor, John Lithgow’s Trinity Killer in the end and in the sixth season goin’ all “sterotypical white boys can’t dance” by doing a horrid and shitty “hammertime” dance on the dance floor at his 20th high school reunion this answering his cellphone 24/7 shit really takes the damn cake! (And by the by people, it ain’t delicious mouth watering cake it’s that hard brittle dry-ass muthafuckin’ shit!) And people let me ask you this, “Who wants that shit?” Sure as hell, not me!

B-U-T apparently Dexter Morgan does and there ain’t a damn thing that I, Showtime, Harry, Astor and Cody or even sweet little Rita currently suckin’ dirt “six feet under” can do! (Hey yall, did yall get the “subtle” reference that I made to Michael C. Hall’s first major television role, David Fisher on HBO’s ground breaking show, Six Feet Under! Michael, you were extremely creepy and an extremely naughty boy on that show! And I loved every minute of it! I mean dude, getting a blow job from a fix-it guy while sitting on top of a washer in a funeral home, now that shit was pure genius! Plus, all of those hot-ass kissin’ scenes that you did with Mathew St. Patrick! They were hot Michael C. baby, they were hot! Dude, to be honest, when you married Jennifer Carpenter who incidentally plays your fictional sister on Dexter, which is a little creepy I was so damn disappointed because I thought you were one of the coolest and most positive role model gay guys on the planet! But I digress! Mostly because you’re now divorced. Woo hoo! Hey Michael, return to the gay side baby, return to the gay side! Anyhoo, what I originally planned to say before getting bogged down with all of this “six feet under” shit is that my play on words with “six feet under” in this blog post was pure genius and you guys and gals know it! Am I a conceited bitch? Yes, I am!)

Anyhoo, gettin’ back on point again, I know that Dexter is this hot shit blood spatter analyst with the Miami Metro Police Department and he helps to solve alot of crimes but big fucking deal! This is still no excuse for answering your cellphone ALL THE DAMN TIME! So when people say that Dexter Morgan’s dark passenger is his need to murder or cut people the fuck up, those bitches are dead wrong! Pun fucking intended! Dexter Morgan’s true dark passenger is his fucking inability to not answer his cellphone or any damn phone within a million mile radius! And it’s got to stop! This muthafucka’ needs help which is the primary reason that I am writing this blog post. Since everybody else on the planet is Alicia Silverstone-Clueless about Dexter Morgan’s Dark Passenger but i’m not but mostly because i’m smarter and cuter than most of you. Oh, snap! I, Tina Knowledgeable Peden am enlightening your fucking clueless asses!

So if there is a doctor or addiction program with a heart, screw that murder/cut people the fuck up shit, that’s totally irrelevant! PLEASE helps this muthafucka’ overcome his CELLPHONE ANSWERING ADDICTION because doctors or addiction programs if you don’t things are only going to get worse not just for him but for everybody on the planet! Today Dexter Morgan is answering his cellphone 24/7 tomorrow this muthafucka’ will be answering YOUR PHONE 24/7! And who the fuck wants that, sure as hell, not me! And I hope and pray that you don’t want that either! Doctor or addiction program please hear my plea and help a totally fucked up serial killer with a soft spot for kids the hell out before we all suffer!

A-fucking-MEN.

(By the by dudes and dudettes, if you really liked my humor piece on Dexter Morgan then pay a visit to my t-shirt shop and check out my new Dexter Morgan t-shirts. To look at them please click on “It Is My Dream To Wear A T-Shirt With A Hip Pop Culture Psycho Serial Killer On It!”)
Thank you!

Tina Knowledgeable Peden has left the fucking building without answering her cellphone!

Woo hoo!

People, don’t you just hate it when you simply get hungry and decide to fry yourself up a nice hamburger then the hamburger starts to get all vindictive on your ass by popping you with grease? (Otherwise known as their shit!) I mean, what’s up with that? Or should I say, what’s up with that shit? Why does the hamburger have to cop such an attitude? I mean us humans were nice enough to select it’s ass in the supermarket in the first place over the other meats and this is the gratitude that we get! Fuck you hamburger, ungrateful bastards! Why can’t the hamburger see a human’s point of view?

And that human point of view being, “I’m hungry, dammit! And nothing tastes better when you got major hunger pains than a big ol’ juicy hamburger topped with cheese and lots of fixins like lettuce, tomatoes, onions, pickles, etc.” (At this time I would like to send a big ol’ greasy shout out to Burger King, McDonalds, Wendy’s and all of the other burger joints in the world! God bless you and the hamburger! P.S. Fuck you mad cow disease!) I mean, why punish us humans by popping us with your grease, i.e. your hamburger shit? What kind of sense does that make? Can anybody say unsanitary!

After alot of thinking, I really can only think of three reasons why a hamburger would be so vindictive by popping us humans with it’s grease when we fry it’s ass up. The first possible reason is that the hamburger is pissed off that they will one day be shit flushed down a toilet and they don’t want to be shit flushed down a toilet so they have to give us humans shit before our bowels turn them into shit. Tit for tat, ya’ know! It’s like the hamburger is saying, “You human bitches ain’t gonna’ take us hamburgers out without a fight! We’re not gonna’ smile and just take this! You smile and say “cheese” motherfuckers because I sure as hell ain’t going to! I don’t want to be shit flushed down a toilet! Do me a favor and leave my ass to get stinky and rotten in the grocery store, loser!”

The second possible reason that I can think of why a hamburger would be so vindictive by popping us humans with it’s grease when we fry it’s ass up is that maybe the hamburger came from a female cow and it’s the hamburger’s time of the month. They are menstruating. And people let me tell you, extreme heat and menstruation don’t go together! They ain’t no peanut butter and jelly baby! In fact, they are a lethal combination like Paris Hilton and common sense! So humans, be prepared for a hamburger to light your ass up by popping the hell out of you with it’s grease, i.e. hamburger shit, if you decide to fry it’s ass up while the hamburger is on it’s period! If possible humans, try to select male hamburger meat or female hamburger meat that is in menopause, if you know what’s good for you. By the by, you can usually tell if a hamburger is menstruating by how much blood seeps out of the hamburger when you are frying it’s ass up. If you start to see alot of blood seep out of the hamburger when you are frying it’s ass up, immediately stop and put it’s ass back into a cool ass refrigerator, pronto! And don’t forget to offer it a nice sanitary napkin or a tampon to keep the peace.

Moving on! The third possible reason that I can think of why a hamburger would be so vindictive by popping us humans with it’s grease, i.e. hamburger shit, when we fry it’s ass up is that the hamburger is kinky and likes to role play by pretending that they are a naughty nun who is spanking their naughty boy or girl with a ruler. With the hamburger in the role of the naughty nun and the human frying it’s ass up in the role of the naughty boy or girl. In other words, the hamburger loves that dominant, submissive S&M shit! The hamburger is getting off on being in control and causing the human pain. Damn, you have to love a nasty-ass, kinky-ass hamburger! Spank, spank! (Hey humans, you know you love it! Low down and dirty snicker from the hamburger meat of America!)

Well, whatever the hell the reason why the hamburger is being so vindictive to us humans for frying it’s ass up, knock it off and give us a break hamburger! After all, we are only human! We have to eat! And it might as well be your ass! Take that hamburger! Humans of the world have left the building!

Tired but satisfied from a hectic month of nonstop work from her part-time job at the New Hampshire Department of Health & Human Services as a social worker and the various charities and fundraisers that she gladly gave her time to, Shamrock Girl or Green O’Jadery as she was currently known as was looking forward to a nice peaceful bonus two week vacation that she had been granted for her outstanding work. “Oh, how good it was going to feel to kick back and relax for a couple of weeks.” Shamrock Girl thought happily as she put away the last of the groceries into the refrigerator. Just as Shamrock Girl was about to shut the refrigerator door she felt a sharp breeze run through her hair. Shamrock Girl immediately let out a delighted scream as she hurriedly slammed the refrigerator door shut and ran into the living room jumping up and down.

Ten nanoseconds later, a very large black cat (38 pounds to be exact) with the same brilliant emerald green eyes like Shamrock Girl’s appeared floating on a large ethereal shamrock a few feet away from her in her comfortable living room. The cat was wearing a large shamrock shaped knapsack on it’s shiny black back. Suddenly, the cat whipped the knapsack off it’s back, threw it aside and jumped off the ethereal floating shamrock. It immediately disappeared. Then Emeralda the Cat launched herself right into the outstretched arms of her beloved owner. The cat and it’s owner hugged for a few minutes before they broke apart. Emeralda the Cat then jumped from Shamrock Girl’s loving but aching arms deftly onto one of Shamrock Girl’s overstuffed couches and with her left paw patted the space right beside her. Shamrock Girl immediately joined Emeralda the Cat on the couch. A huge smile splitted Shamrock Girl’s beautiful face.

Emeralda the Cat was not only Shamrock Girl’s beloved pet but her best friend in the world. Emeralda with her beautiful brilliant emerald green eyes looked directly into Shamrock Girl’s beautiful brilliant emerald green eyes and communicated her first question. (Emeralda the Cat was blessed with the gift of eyeball telepathy.) “What’s been going on? Tell me the dirt, girl!” Shamrock Girl threw her head back and laughed merrily then gladly filled her beloved pet in on what had been going on in the past month while she had been away at a cat friend of hers that had taken ill.

It was a good two hours later when Shamrock Girl’s stomach suddenly growled loudly interrupting her decoration suggestions for the Good Vibes Charity Dinner Dance that was to be held next month. Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda immediately broke out into a huge fit of giggles. After a few nanoseconds of uncontrollable silly laughter Shamrock Girl suggested that they do the rest of their catching up later and have some supper. She stood up and was just about to ask Emeralda what she wanted to eat when Emeralda raised her large left paw as if to say, “wait.” Shamrock Girl stood stock still and looked questioningly into Emeralda’s eyes. Slowly, a wide grin splitted Emeralda’s face. Shamrock Girl got a good glimpse of a row of perfect sparkly small white teeth. Shamrock Girl immediately recognized that smile and got excited.

“What?” asked Shamrock Girl with eager excitement. With expert eyeball telepathy, Emeralda the Cat said, “Let’s go home for two weeks and spend some of that bonus money that you earned! Plus, we can also visit Dr. Al too! I haven’t seen her in ages! I miss her so much!” Upon hearing this, Shamrock Girl closed her eyes then hit herself hard on the right side of her head. She was suddenly very mad at herself. “Of course, why didn’t I think of that!” Shamrock Girl then said angrily, “I should have thought of that!” Emeralda the Cat snorted loudly then again lifted her left paw then flicked it airly. She then looked Shamrock Girl directly in the eyes and communicated loudly, “Girl, you’ve been busy! Life happens. Sak up!” Shamrock Girl again threw her head back and laughed for a long time before finally smiling modestly at Emeralda and nodded her head and agreed that she was right.

Shamrock Girl plopped back down on her overstuffed couch loudly, leaned down and hugged her pet tightly. Emeralda smiled then kissed Shamrock Girl on the cheek. She then gently pushed Shamrock Girl backward stopping when she had both of her front paws in Shamrock Girl’s hands and they were at arms length. Again with expert eyeball telepathy she said, “Okay girl, enough with this lovey dovey stuff! Let’s get packed and get the hell out of here! I’m starved!” Emeralda didn’t have to tell Shamrock Girl twice! Shamrock Girl jumped up from the overstuffed couch and ran into her bedroom where she grabbed a small shamrock shaped suitcase from her closet and began stuffing hurriedly a few clothes and toiletries into it. In the mean time, Emeralda the Cat looked around for the knapsack that she had hastily thrown aside upon her arrival. She finally spotted it crumpled in a corner of Shamrock Girl’s living room. Emeralda made her way over to the knapsack, opened it then poured the contents directly on the floor. She then scooped up the knapsack and started filling it with fresh items that she would need for the trip home.

Sixteen minutes later, both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were all packed and ready to go. They both stood in the middle of the living room. Emeralda looked at the collar ring around her neck made of pure emeralds, gold and several small pieces of the Blarney Stone from Ireland embedded into it with total concentration. Again with expert eyeball telepathy she said, “Shamrock of Justice.” Less than a nanosecond later, a large green floating ethereal shamrock appeared twelve inches above the ground. Emeralda and Shamrock Girl both stepped up onto it. Emeralda looked down at the Shamrock of Justice and with her eyes said, “Let’s ride!”

90 nanoseconds later, Emeralda the Cat and Shamrock Girl stood tightly together with their luggage by their sides in a beautiful but incredibly cluttered living room on their home planet of Jytrimillya. The room was an interesting sight to behold. It was a mixture of modern and old, Jytrimillyan and Earth, big and small and there were colors of every shade in a standard rainbow. Emeralda lifted her left paw and patted Shamrock Girl’s foot comfortingly. As always whenever Shamrock Girl entered this apartment after any long stretch of time, big fat tears immediately filled her eyes and splashed torrentially down her face. It had been six years since Emerson and Shanna O’Jadery (a.k.a. Shamrock Man and Shamrock Woman) had lived here. She had inherited the place when her parents, her only living relatives, died when she was nineteen years old.

Unbeknownst to Shamrock Girl she had begun absentmindedly walking around the extremely cluttered condo apartment and began touching lovingly the numerous items that her parents had acquired over the many years that they had been alive. As Shamrock Girl touched each item she thought fondly of her beloved parents. How they had met at Lower Jytrimillya Junior High School, Shamrock Girl’s first trip to Earth with them when she was seven years old, the day both of her parents had won the Jytrimillyan medal of bravery, one of the highest honor’s that a Jytrimillyan police officer could receive for thwarting an Earth robbery and saving several peoples lives.

Both of Shamrock Girl’s parents had been police officers with Jytrimillya City Justice, the local and largest police department on the planet of Jytrimillya and located in Jytrimillya City. Unfortunately due to their stressful careers, they both took up smoking even though they knew the risks. Cigarette smoke was a hundred times more toxic on a Jytrimillyan than on an Earth person. Sadly they both died six years ago within just a couple of months of each other.

As Shamrock Girl continued to walk around the condo apartment in a trance-like haze, she remembered how happy and proud her parents were when they told her when she was a little girl that after years and years of scrimping and saving they were finally able to purchase this four bedroom condo apartment in Jytrimillya City Towers. It was their first and only true home. Shamrock Girl’s parents often said that there were two kinds of Jytrimillyans, house people and condo people. Shamrock Girl’s parents were definitely condo people. They absolutely loved being right smack dab in the middle of things. With Jytrimillya City Towers located right in downtown Jytrimillya City, to Shamrock Girl’s parents it was the place to be. They loved it here and Shamrock Girl was a mommy and daddy’s girl which meant that she loved it here too.

All of a sudden without knowing why, Shamrock Girl jumped a foot into the air. She looked around wildly then came crashing back down to Jytrimillya when she saw Emeralda the Cat looking up at her. A sad but patient look covered her face although the beautiful jet black fur on her face was damp. Apparently, Emeralda had tapped her on the foot to get her attention. “They loved you very much and would be just as proud of you today as I am.” Emeralda’s eyes said lovingly. More tears splashed down Shamrock Girl’s face as she nodded her head. Emeralda then walked around Shamrock Girl then stretched up until both of her front paws were on the small of Shamrock Girl’s back and gently nudged Shamrock Girl forward. Shamrock Girl looked back at her cat and Emeralda’s eyes said, “Let’s take a walk.”

It was a miraculous transformation once Shamrock Girl and Emeralda got outdoors. It seemed one nanosecond Shamrock Girl was feeling very sad and the next nanosecond she was feeling like she was on top of the world. As Shamrock Girl and Emeralda walked past Sparkflash’s Superhero Costume Outfitters, Jytrimillya City Pizzeria, Dapper Dance’s Dance Studio & Emporium and the numerous other businesses and various other places in the capitol city, Shamrock Girl felt so full of happiness. She was instantly feeling like her old self. She was feeling like Emerson and Shanna O’Jadery’s beloved and extremely loved daughter. This time when Shamrock Girl smiled the brilliant sparkle of her beautiful white teeth practically lit up the planet with blinding and effervescent light. When Shamrock Girl looked down at Emeralda she found herself fumbling around for just the right words to thank her beloved cat. But before any words could pass Shamrock Girl’s mouth, Emeralda held up her left paw and again with expert eyeball telepathy said, “I’m so hungry that I could eat a horse and for a cat to do that is a feat in itself! Let’s get something to eat, i’m starved!” Emeralda then patted Shamrock Girl’s foot and winked at her in a you-don’t-have-to-s ay-anything-I-love-you-gi rl way. Shamrock Girl continued to smile at her cat while silently thanking her. Emeralda again lifted her left paw and flicked it airly as if to say, “No problem.” Emeralda again looked deeply into Shamrock Girl’s eyes and firmly said, “Let’s go!”

Emeralda started walking again and in a nanosecond put on a huge burst of speed. Shamrock Girl was hot on her tail. After several minutes of walking, Emeralda suddenly stopped. Shamrock Girl again smiled bright. She was happily looking up at one of her most favorite places in the world, The Jytrimillya City Community Club. The club was the hangout! The place for both superheros and supervillians to be. To be a member of the club the only requirement was that you had to be a resident of Jytrimillya City. The JC Club as it was known was comprised of many miles of meeting rooms, exercise equipment, clothing shops and much much more. But right now the only amenity that Emeralda the Cat was interested in was the JC Food Court. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda wasted no time in zipping up the beautiful sparkly diamond-like stairs and entered the club. The both of them had taken no more than four steps before they were engulfed in hugs and merry greetings from their fellow superheros and superpets. Unfortunately, they were also greeted with an equal amount of boos and jeers from a group of passing supervillians and their superpets. However, this did not spoil their mood, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda both felt terrific! As they continued to be swallowed up by the hugs and greetings from their brethren, at one point Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were able to make eye contact and with perfect synergy they both communicated at the same time that it was good to be home.

After what seemed like a million nanoseconds, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda gave the last superhero left to be greeted hearty hugs and then hurriedly made their way down one of the numerous hallways to the food court. After a couple of nanoseconds of walking, waving and high-fiveing, they arrived at their destination. Shamrock Girl threw the double doors open quickly then sighed with ecstacy. Emeralda purred loudly beside her. Inside the gigantic room was total chaos! The noise level was deafening! The sight was also spectacular too! The room was literally filled with kiosks of every size and color and each one of those kiosks were manned by superheros and supervillians of every size and color cooking and dishing up both Jytrimillyan and Earth food. There were also superhero and supervillian customers milling around everywhere as well. Some of them were moving superfast and some of them were moving around superslow but wherever you looked there was some kind of movement. Even the superhero and supervillians waiting in line at the many kiosks were moving unnaturally. For a nanosecond Shamrock Girl felt a little seasick. Emeralda startled her when she tapped her on the foot and with her eyes said, “Let’s get our food and meet back here, okay?” Shamrock Girl nodded her head. She then watched Emeralda walk over and stand in the line that said “Shazam Seafood” and started to talk to a superhero and his dutch rabbit.

All of a sudden a low and strangled rumble erupted from her belly. Shamrock Girl was immediately embarrassed. She quickly looked around then sighed with relief. Thanks to all of the noise and activity nobody heard her stomach. Shamrock Girl looked around quickly then made her way over and got into the McDonald’s line. After a few more hugs and kisses from hungry superhero friends who had just noticed their arrival, a short time later, both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda arrived near the enter/exit doors of the food court. Two huge trays floated beside them. On Shamrock Girl’s tray sat a Big Mac, large fries, large shamrock shake, apple pie and a chocolate sundae. On Emeralda’s tray sat two extremely large and delicious-looking pieces of catfish, a large container of crab salad, a dish of stuffed lobster mushrooms, a large bottle of 7up, a small piece of peach cobbler and a small cup filled with a single scoop of butter pecan ice cream. They both left the food court and walked a short distance straight ahead. They then made a left turn and again walked straight ahead until they came to a door with “Main Lounge” printed boldly above it. Shamrock Girl opened one of the double doors and walked in. Her large tray of food, Emeralda and Emeralda’s large tray of food closely followed. No sooner than the door had shut they were greeted by song. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda both groaned loudly because they recognized that voice instantly.

“I’d like to teach the supervillian world to sing, in perfect harmony! I’d like to buy the supervillian world a Coke and keep it company! That’s the song I sing!”

“I’d like to teach the supervillian world to sing, in perfect harmony! I’d like to buy the supervillian world a Coke and keep it company! That’s the song I sing!”

“I’d like to teach the supervillian world to sing, in perfect harmony! I’d like to buy the supervillian world a Coke and keep it company! That’s the song I sing!”

The vocalist of the slightly altered Coca Cola jingle was a large black parrot with magnificient baby blue eyes. The bird was standing court right smack dab in the middle of a long gigantic rectangular table singing with a can of Coca Cola in one of its wings. Normally this sight would be extremely unusual anywhere else in the universe, but on Jytrimillya it was totally normal. As the bird continued to sing you got to see in great detail his unique bodily features. From the bird’s neck to his clawed feet were five horizontal layers of beautiful ruffled feathers and his wings were the same with the exception that four of the horizontal layers were long but the fifth layer was shorter. It gave the impression that the bird had four fingers and a thumb rather than wings. As the bird still continued to sing you could see his big gleaming row of perfect white teeth. The bird’s name was Burke the Bird and he was the superpet of Shamrock Girl’s archnemesises, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour. And like his owners he was bad to the core.

The Main Lounge of the JC Club was at the behest of the supervillians divided into two sides. On each side of the room were two long gigantic rectangular tables. Each was further marked with a S.V. and the other one with a S.H. The table with the S.V. was the supervillian table and the table marked S.H. was the superhero table. Also on each side of the room were one seat, two seat, three seat, four seat and other different sized tables. Each side also was liberally decorated with pictures of deceased supervillians and superheros, cutout newspaper articles of various crimes and the foiling of those crimes, several clocks, comfy couchs, chairs, desks, internet stations, several television sets, vending machines, telephone booths and much much more.

Currently in the Main Lounge there were no other superheros or their superpets. And as they looked at Burke the Bird singing they now knew why. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were the only ones. Shamrock Girl sighed heavily but with a determined gait led Emeralda over to a two seater table by the window on the superhero side of the lounge. Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda seated themselves and their trays of food floated down to each of them right in front of them. Even though Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were extremely hungry, they both just nibbled at their food pausing periodically to give each other weary looks. Both of them knew that they should just leave but they were both just so proud and stubborn that they couldn’t bring themselves to do it. In unison, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda both sighed and waited for the inevitable.

While the superhero side of the Main Lounge was practically empty, the supervillian side was the complete opposite. From the looks of it there seemed to be about a hundred supervillians littered all over the supervillian side and all of them were currently watching Burke the Bird sing which is why noone noticed their arrival. Burke, they noticed, had switched from the slightly altered Coca Cola jingle to a lewd song about a superhero named SharpPoint that Shamrock Girl personally knew was a hell of a nice guy and one of the hardest working superheros on the planet. Shamrock Girl’s blood slowly started to boil. “Leave!” she told herself. “Leave!” But Shamrock Girl stayed right where she was and she knew that Emeralda would do the same. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were jolted out of their internal struggles by a roar of thunderous applause. “Thank you! Thank you! I love you all!” Burke the Bird cooed while blowing kisses to supervillians and a few superpets all over the room. “Now for my next number…..”

But Burke the Bird’s next number would forever remain a mystery because at that very moment he had spotted Shamrock Girl and Emeralda sitting alone on the superhero side of the Main Lounge. At first, Burke’s beautiful baby blue eyes registered mild surprise but it took only a nanosecond for them to register something else. Pure wicked mischief. Burke the Bird then smiled innocently over at them then said, “Well, well, well, everybody, it seems that we have two guests.” He then pointed one of his finger-like wings at the table where Shamrock Girl and Emeralda sat. In unison, all heads and bodies swiveled around to the direction Burke the Bird was pointing at. Burke then said, “May I present to you, Shamrock Girl and her big booty! Ooops, i’m so sorry Emeralda honey, I mean Shamrock Girl and Emeralda the Cat, otherwise known as the little booty!” Within a nanosecond, Shamrock Girl’s face had gone beet red and Emeralda’s was quickly catching up to hers as the supervillians and their superpets hooted with laughter. The loudest of course coming from Ebonnyra and Ivorysour who were making their way to the front of the supervillian pack while laughing hysterically. Burke the Bird glowing from the response of his brethren and not wanting to lose the limelight that he so desperately loved flew quickly over to the superhero side of the Main Lounge and landed on top of a vending machine cattycorner to the table Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were sitting at.

Once on top of the vending machine, Burke the Bird strutted and swaggered around on it for a couple of nanoseconds before coming to a halt right smack dab in the middle of the vending machine. All eyes including Shamrock Girl’s and Emeralda’s blazing ones were on him. All of a sudden a frown appeared out of no where on Burke the Bird’s face then he looked down directly at Shamrock Girl and Emeralda and said loudly, “It must be so hard not having any friends, I of course, don’t have that problem myself you know. I’m a total peach and everybody loves me!” Another loud roar of applause exploded from the supervillians and their superpets now all standing at the center of the Main Lounge that divided the room. Ebonnyra and Ivorysour were standing upfront and in the middle. Each of them were looking at Burke the Bird with loving pride. Burke slowly lowered his head and eyes and smiled modestly.

“Humph!” Shamrock Girl said loudly. Burke the Bird’s head whipped up instantly. “What was that?” he sneered. It took Shamrock Girl thirty full seconds before she decided that she really didn’t want any trouble even though she was itching to tell Burke the Bird off, she decided in the end that he wasn’t worth it so she put her hand to her throat and with forced sweetness said, “I didn’t say anything I was just clearing my throat.” And to enforce what she had just said, she loudly cleared her throat and coughed a couple of times. Emeralda snickered loudly. Burke the Bird’s baby blue eyed gaze narrowed and shifted to a still snickering Emeralda then back again at Shamrock Girl. Then his baby blue eyed gaze took both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda in simultaneously. He then put both of his hand-like wings on his hips. In an extremely mean tone he uttered, “If you bitches got something to say, then-say-it!” Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda froze. “Oooh!” Ebonnyra squealed loudly then cupped her hand to her mouth and Ivorysour hot on her tail as usual said, “That’s my boy, get her!” The supervillians and their superpets laughed again but their eyes remained transfixed on Shamrock Girl, Emeralda and Burke.

There were a lot of things that Shamrock Girl hated in life and being called a “bitch” was at the very top of her list. With pure controlled fury, Shamrock Girl pushed her chair deliberately back, stood up and looked up into Burke the Bird’s mean challenging eyes. “You said that everybody loves you but let me set the record straight, everybody does not love you, including me and Emeralda because you are mean, nasty and rotten to the core. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate you but I certainly don’t love you either and I think that I speak for a lot of people, animals and insects!” Shamrock Girl hissed through clenched teeth. Emeralda began to clap loudly. Shamrock Girl grabbed her chair savagely then sat back down hard making the chair moan. Burke the Bird now totally enraged mostly from learning that everybody in the universe didn’t love him like they were supposed to rapidly searched his mind for a retort that would hurt Shamrock Girl to her very soul and after a couple of nanoseconds thought of something. All pretenses of false niceties gone, he spat with pure hatred, “Well at least I have a lot of people who love me!” He then pointed one of his finger-like wings straight at Shamrock Girl. “On the other hand, everybody whoever loved you is currently suckin’ dirt six feet under except for this loser!” He then pointed at Emeralda.

Instantly, a look of pure pain shot across Shamrock Girl’s face as she thought of her parents then misty tears began to involuntarily form in her eyes. However, the pain was totally forgotten when she saw Emeralda utter three simple words, “Super bitch slap!” For two nanoseconds Shamrock Girl looked at her cat with pure happiness and pride. But it took Shamrock Girl another nanosecond to regain her senses and pure horror filled her insides as she saw Emeralda’s left paw instantly grow thirteen feet tall and surface within mere millimeters of Burke the Bird’s startled face. As the great big paw momentarily moved backward, Shamrock Girl instantly uttered two words, “Super strength!” And within a half of a nanosecond her hand also grew thirteen feet tall then collided with Emeralda’s giant paw trying to prevent it from bitch slapping Burke the Bird across the face. It was this struggle that saved Burke the Bird from a massive amount of pain. Burke the Bird let out a series of terrified screams as he cried for help. Unfortunately as Shamrock Girl and Emeralda continued to struggle the other supervillians and their superpets were too frightened to intervene in fear that they would be the recipients of not one but two great big bitch slaps. They watched helplessly from the middle of their side of the Main Lounge.

Burke the Bird was jumping around the vending machine top like he had ants in his pants. Twice he had tried to fly off to safety but Shamrock Girl and Emeralda’s giant limbs were blocking his escape. For a few nanoseconds all three parties involved froze when they heard an extremely loud crash somewhere behind them but quickly picked up right where they had left off. After six full minutes, Emeralda’s paw for an instant broke free of Shamrock Girl’s grasp and struck. Emeralda’s paw missed Burke the Bird’s face by one millimeter but instead hit the vending machine top. The force of the blow made the vending machine wobble unsteadily for a few nanoseconds. So determined was Burke the Bird to avoid the blow as well as stay on the wobbling vending machine that he eventually lost his balance and toppled over backward and kept rolling until he fell with a loud scream behind the vending machine that he had been happily strutting around on only a short time ago. Simultaneously all the supervillians and superpets screamed. Not too long afterward, the vending machine finally fell sideways to the floor with a deafening crash. Food, drink and glass flew everywhere.

“Emeralda, please stop!” Shamrock Girl pleaded. “Please stop for me, precious, please stop!” That did it! After Shamrock Girl used her special pet name for Emeralda, her giant paw began to shrink and shrink until finally it was its normal size again. Emeralda was sitting in her chair at the two seat table hunched over, crying. Two nanoseconds later, Shamrock Girl was at her side comforting her. After a couple of nanoseconds, Emeralda lifted herself up to her full height then gently took Shamrock Girl’s face into her two front paws and again with expert eyeball telepathy said, “I don’t regret what I just did, I only wished that I got to slap that hateful little monster.” Tears still streaming down her face she held Shamrock Girl’s face more firmly with her paws then said from deep down in her heart. “You are my owner, sister and best friend and I love you girl! Always remember that your pain is my pain. When you suffer, I suffer. That is one thing that we will always share. Always know that when anybody hurts you when i’m around I will always do anything that I can to protect you. That’s just how it is, girl.” Emeralda then lifted her left paw and fiercely brushed her face. Tears were now brimming in Shamrock Girl’s eyes as she hugged her still sobbing cat tightly. Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda started violently when they heard a voice behind them. They both turned around and saw Burke the Bird’s head peeking out from the overturned vending machine.

“Well, well, well isn’t that touching!” Burke the Bird said sarcastically. The rest of his body then emerged and he stomped out over to the other side of the vending machine trying to put as much distance as he could from Emeralda and Shamrock Girl. After a few nanoseconds, he came to a brisk stop and then began to brush the dust and cobwebs from himself angrily while taking off alot of feathers in the process. When the supervillians saw that the coast was clear and it was safe to go over they all rushed over to the superhero side of the Main Lounge where Burke was still fiercely brushing himself off. Ebonnyra and Ivorysour were in the lead. Once the supervillians and superpets reached him they all asked him in unison, “Are you all right?” Burke the Bird nodded his head. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” he said angrily. A nasty curse word was just about to erupt from his mouth when he looked up at his brethren and was immediately taken aback. His baby blue eyes were staring up at many different colored eyes all filled with love, fear and concern.

If there was one thing that Burke the Bird relished above being the center of attention, playing mean tricks on superheros or looking down on poor people it was being loved. Now it was Shamrock Girl and Emeralda’s turn to be taken aback. They continued to look on with shock as Burke the Bird’s mouth began to quiver and real live tears formed in his eyes and rolled down his face. Ebonnyra bent down and hugged Burke tightly. Ivorysour hot on her tail as usual hugged both of them. His extremely long and muscular arms circling the both of them several times over. The supervillians and the superpets looked on proudly and quietly. Emeralda and Shamrock Girl looked at each other, disbelief was written all over their faces. It was Emeralda who finally broke the silence. “I can’t believe it! Burke the Bird is acting like a normal civilized human being.” Emeralda then looked down at the floor, shame was spreading like a virus all over her face. Fifteen nanoseconds later, she then looked back up again and said in a strangled way, “Well, dammit if he can act like a normal civilized human being then so can I. I’m going over to say that i’m sorry to him even though I don’t mean it, but i’m still going to say that i’m sorry anyway because it’s the right thing to do.” She then lowered her eyes then quickly raised them back up and looked into Shamrock Girl’s eyes and said quietly, “I’m sorry about all of this, girl.”

Emeralda then shifted her gaze from Shamrock Girl to the fallen damaged vending machine and all of the food, drink and glass on the floor. Emeralda sighed loudly then said, “After I apologize to Burke, I am going to clean up this mess and I also have to pay for the damage that I caused.” Shamrock Girl then tenderly squeezed Emeralda’s paw. A rueful smile appeared on her face.  “Well, there goes our bonus money shopping spree!” she said. Emeralda and Shamrock Girl immediately started to giggle. Emeralda again raised her left paw and swiped at the last vestiges of tears left on her face. When she was finished she made a motion forward with her left paw. “Well, let me get this over with.” Emeralda then jumped down from the chair and started to walk over to Burke and the supervillians. Shamrock Girl was right by her side.

Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda had taken no more than two steps when they stopped dead in their tracks. Burke the Bird was still hugging Ebonnyra and Ivorysour like he was a few minutes earlier but his position had changed slightly. He now had the right side of his face pressed against Ivorysour’s massive chest. The left side of his face was clearly visible. So there was absolutely no mistaking the half smirk on the left side of his face and the malicious glee in his left eye. “Do me a favor and put me down for minute, Ivy.” Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda heard Burke the Bird say to Ivorysour then clapped his muscular shoulder briskly. Ebonnyra gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before Ivorysour lowered him gently to the floor. All the supervillians including Ebonnyra and Ivorysour all waited expectantly.

Burke the Bird quickly looked over at Shamrock Girl and Emeralda then flashed them his lopsided smirk again then he turned back to the supervillians, the smirk now gone. He then put one of his hand-like wings to the top of his head then dramatically said, “My fellow supervillians and superpets, this has been a harrowing experience that I have been put through today and I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your love and support but unfortunately my pride and vanity are saying that I hate for you to see me like this.” He then paused and looked right over at Shamrock Girl and Emeralda then said slowly and deliberately, “IF THE TRUTH BE TOLD, I NEED A COUPLE OF MINUTES TO COMPOSE MYSELF. CAN I ASK ALL OF YOU TO SIMPLY TURN YOUR BACKS FOR A FEW MOMENTS.” A huge sea of nods and “yes’” filled the room along with one unusually loud and squeaky, “Of course, of course!” For the second time since entering the Main Lounge this evening both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda groaned loudly because again they recognized another voice. After craning their necks they saw in the very back of the crowd, Hector Truth, otherwise known as Truthy the Superhero turning his back. It was a well known fact among superheros and supervillians on the planet of Jytrimillya that Truthy the Superhero was the most honest person on the planet. Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda started getting sinking feelings in the pit of their stomachs. But they were no where near prepared for what happened next.

Once all of the supervillians and Truthy the Superhero’s backs were turned and they were all huddled together talking quietly, Burke the Bird looked over at Shamrock Girl and Emeralda again and winked wickedly. He then walked a few steps over to the middle of the fallen vending machine and quietly opened fully a slightly ajar compartment on the vending machine where a lone Bomb Pop Popsicle lay. Burke took the Bomb Pop Popsicle out quietly then carefully tore off the wrapper and tossed it aside. He then took a couple of licks of the popsicle then all of a sudden he moved the red part of the popsicle to his left eye, closed his eyelid and circled his eye with it. He did this several times. He then rubbed the red part of the popsicle all over his body then moved the Bomb Pop back to his mouth and began eating vigorously the red part then the white part until he finally came to the remaining blue part of the popsicle. He stopped eating then lifted the remaining blue part to his left eye and began moving it all over his eye, face and body. He then returned the Bomb Pop Popsicle for the last time to his mouth and quickly ate the rest of it. Once he was finished he gave the remaining long wooden stick a long lick before tossing it aside. He then looked fiercely at his yellow collar ring with pieces of the awesome onyx and the lemonhead diamond embedded into it then put one of his hand-like wings to the right side of his face and whispered at Shamrock Girl and Emeralda four words, “Super stick and super bright.” Shamrock Girl and Emeralda watched increduously as the red and blue parts from the Bomb Pop Popsicle stared to glow brightly and boldly. Their mouths fell open in unison as a now extremely battered and bruised looking Burke the Bird winked over at them then he said loudly,

“Okay, everybody, you can turn around now.” All the supervillians, superpets and Truthy the Superhero all turned around in unison and a nanosecond later, all of their mouths fell open in unison just as Shamrock Girl and Emeralda’s had as they took in Burke the Bird’s appearance. With fake surprise in his baby blue eyes and with a smile dancing around the corner’s of his mouth that he deftly managed to keep at bay said almost straight-faced to the crowd in a sugary sweet innocent voice, “Whatever is the matter?” All of a sudden a piercing scream broke the stunned silence as Ebonnyra quickly went to Burke the Bird then carefully picked him up all the while yelling at the top of her lungs, “Call the doctor! Call an ambulance! Call the doctor! Call an ambulance! Omigod! Omigod!” All at once chaos broke out everywhere. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda as if stuck in a bad dream were still rooted to the same spots that they had been ever since they found Burke the Bird staring at them maliciously. They both were in such an incredible amount of shock at the stunning events that had just transpired in the last couple of minutes that neither of them could physically move a muscle. They both just stood there like statues watching the chaos in disbelief. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda didn’t know how long they had been standing there when another voice startled them. “Well, are you two just going to stand there or are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?”

For the third time that evening yet another voice had startled them but this time was different. Instead of groaning both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda smiled bright and let out loud whoops of joy. The voice was like a nice refreshing glass of ice cold water on a hot summer’s day. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda both having regained their ability to move their bodies simultaneously ran over and hugged Dr. Althea Lawgood tightly nearly knocking her to the ground. Dr. Al as she was known was the holder of a doctorate of medicine and a doctorate of law enforcement. Dr. Al was the doctor supreme for the superhero division of the planet of Jytrimillya which was the highest ranking doctor on the planet. She was also the captain and head of Jytrimillya City Justice which was the largest police force on the planet of Jytrimillya. And she was also Shamrock Girl and Emeralda’s beloved godmother. Dr. Al had been best friends with Shamrock Girl’s parents ever since they were small children. Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda couldn’t believe that she was here. Both of them just remembering why they had come home for a visit which was to spend some of Shamrock Girl’s bonus money and see Dr. Al, but so much had happened that evening that they had completely forgot until now. Dr. Al hugged both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda soundly then she said firmly to them, “Let’s have a seat ladies.” She then let them go and walked over to a three seater table and sat down in the middle. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda took the two seats opposite her. “Now I want both of you to tell me what the hell is going on and Emeralda I want to hear from you first. From the little bit that I was able to make out from Corruptus B. Villianer’s shouting and yelling, you’re at the center of this mess.” (Corruptus B. Villianer was the lawyer supreme for the supervillian division of the planet of Jytrimillya.)

Emeralda sighed loudly then crossed her paws in front of her on the table. She slowly took a breath of air in then with expert eyeball telepathy told Dr. Al what had happened up until the time that Dr. Al herself had arrived in the Main Lounge startling them. Shamrock Girl only interrupted occasionally to confirm Emeralda’s version of the events. It was Dr. Al’s turn to sigh loudly now. She stood up wearily and said, “Alright you two, I want you to stay right here while I go talk to Corruptus and find out what’s going on. Okay?” she said firmly. “Okay.” Shamrock Girl and Emeralda said quickly. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” she called back over her shoulder. A few nanoseconds later, Dr. Al was gone. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda now completely back to themselves noticed that they were all alone in the Main Lounge. Emeralda took Shamrock Girl’s hand into her left paw. Shamrock Girl noticed that it was a bit sweaty. Shamrock Girl squeezed Emeralda’s paw reassuringly. Emeralda rewarded her with a nervous looking smile. Ten minutes later, Truthy the Superhero walked cautiously into the Main Lounge and up to the table where Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were sitting. “May I sit down?” he asked them quietly. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda both nodded.

Truthy sat down quickly. “Can I be frank?” he asked. Again Shamrock Girl and Emeralda both nodded. “If the truth be told, this situation totally sucks!” A shy smile quickly crossed his handsome boyish tan face. Like a nasty virus, Truthy’s smile was contagious. Within a couple of nanoseconds all three of them were not only smiling but laughing merrily. Another nanosecond later, SharpPoint the Superhero entered the Main Lounge followed by a hundred superheros. The other superheros heard a little bit about what had happened and wanted to let Shamrock Girl and Emeralda know that they were 100% on their side and would give them their full support. This instantly made Shamrock Girl and Emeralda feel a whole lot better. It made them both feel good that they were not alone. As Shamrock Girl looked around at her fellow brethren looking extremely worriedly at her and Emeralda she realized that Burke the Bird was wrong as usual. Everyone who ever loved her was not dead but also standing right here in this room with her. It was a fact that she had already known but Burke the Bird’s comment had disturbed her all the same but now Shamrock Girl felt like she was on top of the world again and that she could accomplish anything. When she looked over at Emeralda a nanosecond later, the cosmic twins that they were knew that she was feeling exactly the same.

Shamrock Girl was brought out of her reverie by SharpPoint’s voice. He was currently telling Shamrock Girl and Emeralda that if there was anything that they could do for them no matter what it was to please let them know. Shamrock Girl was about to express her thanks when Truthy beat her to the punch. “Well,” he said, “If the truth be told, these lovely ladies could use some extra help cleaning up this mess and some fresh food and drink.” While he said these words he gestured to the vending machine and floor then to the now cold food sitting on the two seater table by the window. All of a sudden there was a mad rush of superheros all over the Main Lounge. A very short time later the Main Lounge was spic and span again. The broken vending machine was now gone and the floor was completely clean. Also, at the polite urging of Truthy and the rest of the superheros, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were now eating heartily fresh food from the JC Food Court that some of the superheros had gotten them. Trying to keep their minds off of the upcoming trouble that they sensed was coming ahead, Truthy and the rest of the superheros began playing games and sharing superhero tales to keep them entertained.

Four long hours later Dr. Al once again entered the Main Lounge, a big frown and many wrinkles were etched into her forehead. Truthy immediately jumped up from the chair between Shamrock Girl and Emeralda and offered it to Dr. Al who promptly plopped down into it. Truthy ever the superhero gentleman said firmly, “If the truth be told, I think that we should give these ladies a little privacy.” But Shamrock Girl held up her hand then uttered, “If the truth be told, i’d like all of you to stay.” Emeralda nodded her approval. Truthy’s tan cheeks turned a bright pink before he smiled at Shamrock Girl shyly. The superheros all smiled at Shamrock Girl and Emeralda. They looked completely touched. They then pulled up chairs, couches and some of them even sat on the floor as they all waited for Dr. Al to speak. Dr. Al smiled around tiredly then looked at Emeralda and said, “I hate to do this to you kitten but i’m afraid that I am going to have to take you down to the station and book you.”

Immediately a chorus of “no’s” went up into the air. “What for?” Shamrock Girl sputtered. Dr. Al sighed loudly then said, “Emeralda, i’m afraid is going to charged with attempted murder and willful destruction of property.” Many “omigods” and “no’s” again filled the room. “You’ve got to be kidding!” said Shamrock Girl increduously while tears started to brim in her eyes. “We told you what happened. Emeralda simply lost her cool at Burke the Bird’s sick remark. She wasn’t trying to kill anyone! That’s ridiculous! She was only defending me.” “I know, I know, I know.” Dr. Al said wearily. “But unfortunately Ebonnyra, Ivorysour, Burke the Bird and a hundred supervillians all say different. And they’re all claiming that they have an impartial witness to the crimes.” Dr. Al then looked over wearily at Truthy the Superhero. Every superhero including Shamrock Girl and Emeralda did the same. Then Shamrock Girl and Emeralda both looked over at each other. Duel dawns of realization appeared in their matching eyes as they finally put two and two together.

Earlier, when Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were about to go over and apologize to Burke the Bird but stopped when they saw the malicious glee in his eye and a smirk on his face they now realized at some point while Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were talking that Burke had spotted Truthy the Superhero probably sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the supervillians and put two and two together much earlier than they did. Burke had realized that Truthy had witnessed almost everything and he had all he needed to nail both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda to the wall. Shamrock Girl immediately became frightened at the realization. “Oh my god!” Shamrock Girl said loudly then put her hand to her mouth. The rest of the superheros except Shamrock Girl, Truthy, Dr. Al and Emeralda looked puzzled so Emeralda filled them in.

Shamrock Girl’s worst fears were confirmed when Truthy told them that he had ran into SharpPoint in the JC Food Court and learned that Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were here for a visit. SharpPoint told Truthy that he saw Shamrock Girl and Emeralda heading in the direction of the Main Lounge then Truthy hurriedly headed off to Ticker Tacos. Once Truthy was in the Ticker Taco line, he suddenly remembered that he forgot to tell him and Shamrock Girl and Emeralda for that matter that all of the superheros were avoiding the Main Lounge because of Burke the Bird’s singing when he received an unexpected call from his mother and he completely forgot. Truthy then told them how he came to the Main Lounge to eat with the girls and say “hi” when he came upon the struggle between Shamrock Girl and Emeralda and Burke the Bird screaming for help on top of the vending machine.

After Truthy finished his story, the Main Lounge full of superheros suddenly went deadly quiet and bleak. The terrible silence was finally broken by Manowi Midnight otherwise known as Midnight White the Superhero. Midnight was a very tall and good looking black man with gleaming midnight black skin and perfect sparkling white teeth. Midnight was the lawyer supreme for the superhero division for the planet of Jytrimillya. He would obviously be Emeralda’s lawyer. “Hi everybody, so good to see all of you. I just wished it could of been under more pleasant circumstances. I hate to break this up but we really need to get down to the station gals.” he said looking at Emeralda, Dr. Al and Shamrock Girl. “And Truthy, we need you to come with us too.” Midnight said quietly. Shamrock Girl, Emeralda, Dr. Al and Truthy all nodded bleakly then stood up. Before they left, they again received many hugs and kisses from their brethren.

Three exhausting hours later, puffy eyed and bone tired, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda arrived back at the condo apartment. Each of them went into the bathroom and brushed their teeth at the dual sinks and took long hot showers in the dual shower compartments then fell into their beds tiredly. Neither spoke to each other but instead laid awake a long time then fell into troubled sleeps.

It was Shamrock Girl who awoke first the next day. She started violently when she heard loud knocking on the front door and the doorbell buzzing furiously. Before Shamrock Girl threw off the covers she automatically looked over at the clock on her bedside table. It said 11:41 am. The loud knocking and the doorbell buzzing continued, this time waking Emeralda. Shamrock Girl quickly said, “I’ll get it.” Then dashed off to the front door. Once the door was open, Dr. Al rushed in carrying a large square box with Dunkin Donuts printed on it and on top of the donut box was a holder with three large cups in it. Dr. Al set the items on the cherrywood coffee table in front of the couch. Emeralda ambled in looking like hell. She yawned loudly. Her beautiful jet black fur was sticking up all over the place and she had bags under her eyes and sleepy crust in the corners. Shamrock Girl didn’t even want to think about what she looked like. Emeralda seated herself on the floor at the end of the coffee table. Dr. Al sat on the couch opposite her. Shamrock Girl then sat down next to Dr. Al on the couch.

“Unfortunately i’m afraid that I have two pieces of bad news, ladies.” Dr. Al said quietly then took one of the cups from the holder, popped the lid off then drank deeply. Emeralda held up her left paw as if to say, “Wait! Don’t tell me yet!” And it was her turn to take a cup from the holder, remove the lid and drink deeply. Shamrock Girl was so nervous and scared about what she was about to hear that she didn’t know what the hell to do so she followed the others and took the last cup from the holder and took a small sip of the hot robust Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. She then began circling the rim of the cup with her finger. When Dr. Al had practically drank all of her coffee she looked over at Emeralda for a signal. A couple of nanoseconds later, Emeralda lowered her cup from her mouth and nodded her head. Shamrock Girl held her breath.

“First, in two weeks Emeralda you’ll have to appear at the Jytrimillya City Municipal Court House where you will be formally arraigned for attempted murder and willful destruction of property. Midnight White says the trial will probably take place in about six months after the arraignment.” Dr. Al said, a big frown covering her lovely brown face. Tears started to form in Shamrock Girl’s eyes. With expert eyeball telepathy and in a slightly shaky way Emeralda asked, “If I were to be found guilty of this nonsense which I know that there is no way that I will ever be, but let’s just suppose that I am. What am I looking at?” Dr. Al lowered her eyes and voice and said, “25 years for the attempted murder charge and 3 years for the willful destruction of property charge.” Shamrock Girl’s coffee slid from her hands and fell to the floor. Shamrock Girl immediately jumped up and shrieked, “28 years!” “Well, let’s look on the bright side.” Emeralda said with false brightness, “If I go to jail, at least i’ll get some peace and quiet.” A huge grin then spread across her face and she began to laugh. Dr. Al chuckled heartily. Shamrock Girl in spite of her fear couldn’t help but to laugh too.

To let you all in on the joke, Junker or its formal name, Junker Correctional Planetary Prison was Jytrimillya’s one and only prison. It was a gigantic structure located on the south side of Jytrimillya City. It was designed to house both superheros and supervillians. There were two divisions of the prison. The “SHSP” division that stood for the superhero/superpet division and the “SVSP” division that stood for the supervillian/superpet division. While the supervillian division was filled with thousands of supervillian inmates all caught on video and weren’t able to talk, lie or buy their way out of their crimes the superhero division had exactly zero inmates currently. Only a small number of superheros over the years had ever been imprisoned and they had all been innocent. The only reason that they had been sent to Junker at all was that each of them consented to go and that had only been to keep the supervillians quiet and from whining about injustice and favortism. The maximum sentence that a superhero had ever received had been one week which had satisfied the supervillians because to them a superhero in jail for a few days was like years.

From what Dr. Al had told her and several bits of overheard conversations of supervillians who had been in Junker over the years, all in all it was actually a very nice place mostly due to the supervilllians urgent insisting that all kinds of comfort features be installed in the prison like luxury carpeting in every cell, public bathrooms with whirlpools in them, five star food, security officers and prison personnel who attended to your every need, daily conjugal visits and much much more. The only drawback to Junker was like any prison you were confined to the prison itself and the grounds for your entire stay which the supervillians could care less about because most of them were still able to do their dirty work from behind bars but the very idea of Emeralda not being able to go anywhere for 28 years was unfathomable. “What are we gonna’ do?” Shamrock Girl wailed miserably.

Dr. Al looked at Emeralda then patted the space beside her on the couch. Emeralda immediately jumped up beside her. Dr. Al then put both of her arms around Shamrock Girl and Emeralda. Both of them snuggled up against her. Dr. Al then kissed both of them on the cheek and said, “Well, here’s what you’re not going to do. For the time being I want both of you to stay in this apartment. You are not to go anywhere. The supervillians are all itching to confront you face to face and the last thing we need is any more trouble. We’re not going to give them anymore ammunition. I mean it, girls, you are to stay in this apartment. I’ve already arranged for groceries and take out to be delivered to you daily. Plus, I want you girls to get some rest. You both look terrible. And Midnight White wants you well rested for your court appearance. If there’s anything that you need, write it down and let the delivery person know and they will bring the items to you the next day with your daily groceries. Okay?” Dr. Al said firmly. “Okay.” Shamrock Girl and Emeralda said in unison. Dr. Al continued. “I’ll be stopping by daily to give you girls an official report on what’s going on.”

Dr. Al then looked at her wrist watch. It said 11:58 am. “Now for the second piece of bad news. There’s no way to say it but to just say it. ” Dr. Al sighed loudly then said, “Burke the Bird is giving a press conference at 12:30 after the 12:00 news and unfortunately girls, I think that we better watch it.” Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda groaned loudly then sank back in the cushions. Dr. Al again gave them a kiss on the cheek then removed her hands from around them. She stood up and grabbed the remote control off of the coffee table then turned on the television. She sat back down heavily and waited for the news to come on. It was one of the worst hours of television that Shamrock Girl had ever watched. She wanted to turn it off so bad the nanosecond that it came on but she knew that she couldn’t which made the situation even worse. In between the supervillian reporters happily trashing the hell out of her and Emeralda on Nano News (The Noon Edition) and Burke the Bird’s fake tears, fake heroism in the face of near death, Burke calling Emeralda a psycho assassin out for his blood and being called an incredibly unfit pet owner who ought to be locked up too, Shamrock Girl had reached her boiling point. She was rapidly rotating between extreme sadness and white hot anger. And unfortunately, this is how it went for Shamrock Girl and Emeralda for the next 10 days then something neither of them expected happened.

“If she wasn’t so fat and damn ugly, maybe she could get a man.” Burke the Bird said in a lecturing sort of way behind a tiny upraised podium to the hundreds of supervillians in the crowd and the hundreds of thousands of supervillians watching at home. His appearance was unbelievable. He was bright blue and red from head to foot and had a large amount of white gauze wrapped around his forehead. For the umpteenth time over the past couple of days, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were completely disgusted. For the umpteenth time since “the incident” as Dr. Al was calling it happened, Burke the Bird had given an outrageous number of press conferences looking unbelievably battered and bruised while wildly exaggerating the facts and playing the totally innocent victim to the hilt. The one good thing about this situation was at least when it all got to be too much Shamrock Girl and Emeralda could turn off the tv or turn the sound down but today that was absolutely impossible because Burke the Bird had decided to give a press conference right across the street from the Jytrimillya City Towers where Shamrock Girl and Emeralda lived. He had even had two jumbotron tv’s installed at the end of each street with the best surround sound that Shamrock Girl and Emeralda had ever heard. The vibrations that the jumbotrons were giving off was astounding. Shamrock Girl had a killer headache and Emeralda’s teeth were killing her. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were absolutely livid at Burke but there was nothing that they could do about it because they were both on strict orders to stay in the apartment. Plus they did concede that Jytrimillya was a free planet and free speech was always encouraged and unfortunately Burke the Bird did have the right to give his press conference anywhere that he pleased but this totally sucked for Shamrock Girl and Emeralda because both of them knew 100% that he had done it on purpose to get back at them.

Now don’t get me wrong my fellow supervillians and superpets, being pleasantly plump or very big on a supervillian looks absolutely wonderful.” Burke the Bird said sweetly then flashed everyone watching a big toothy smile. “After all, we supervillians loves our food!” Burke then started to move his mouth like he was eating then he pretended like he had swallowed then he licked his finger-like wings. The crowd loudly cheered. Then he continued on. “Plus all supervillians and their superpets are extremely good-looking, unfortunately you can’t say the same for Shamrock Girl. She’s so damn ugly that the superheros haven’t invented a cure to help her or us for that matter because we’re the ones who have to look at her ugly ass on a regular basis when she brings her big booty to town but thank god she lives on earth part-time or we’d never get a damn break.” At these last remarks, all of the supervillians were howling with laughter. Ebonnyra and Ivorysour had big fat tears rolling down their cheeks and were holding their sides like they were in agony. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were totally pissed. If looks could kill, Burke the Bird would be a dead bird. “And people and pets let’s face it, being fat and extremely ugly like Shamrock Girl is a powerful combination that the superheros use constantly as a powerful weapon against us unfairly! It’s fat and ugly superheros like Shamrock Girl who are destroying the supervillian race!” Burke the Bird said with passion while Ebonnyra and Ivorysour clapped loudly but their claps were quickly drowned out by the massive applause from the supervillian audience. Now Emeralda for instance..." 

But Burke the Bird never got to finish his forthcoming negative remark about Emeralda the Cat because a loud buzz went up into the air and all the supervillians turned away from Burke to see what was going on. For a nanosecond Burke the Bird was stunned but a nanosecond later he regained his arrogant senses and was about to give the crowd a good telling off for daring to turn their backs on him while he was speaking when suddenly like the parting of the red sea a path was being made. The buzzing grew louder. A tall figure started getting closer and closer to the podium until he was totally visible. Burke the Bird’s mouth fell open along with Ebonnyra’s and Ivorysour’s. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were momentarily puzzled as they wondered what the heck was going on. They watched the tv breathlessly. Finally the figure turned around and Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were able to get a look at the figure’s face. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda let out shocked whoops of joy as the hervilling, Dapper Dance, otherwise known as Justice Jytrimillya, grandson of Jalena Jytrimillya, their planet’s founder and owner of Dapper Dance’s Dance Studio & Emporium walked up to where Burke the Bird was standing behind the tiny upraised podium.

“So sorry to disturb you like this but I just wanted to see how you are feeling, Burkie?” Dapper Dance said with absolute concern and sincerity pouring from his big hazel green eyes. Every eye including Shamrock Girl and Emeralda’s swiveled to Burke the Bird. Burke still looked like he was in shock, his mouth was still hanging open and Shamrock Girl and Emeralda knew why. Everyone did. Justice Jytrimillya or Dapper Dance was the only grandchild of their beloved founder, Jalena Jytrimillya and the best damn dancer in their planet’s history even though now he was formally retired. And everybody loved him including the supervillians. You see, Dapper Dance was a hervilling. A hervilling was a Jytrimillyan who was born with both the superhero gene and the supervillian gene. They were half and half. On Jytrimillya there were only a small number of hervillings and there were two kinds of hervillings, cured and afflicted. Cured hervillings like Dapper Dance had taken the O’Jadery Serum which Shamrock Girl’s grandfather had invented. Once a hervilling took the O’Jadery Serum the supervillian gene within them was rendered dormant. The supervillian gene still remained inside of them but it no longer worked. Even though Dapper Dance had taken the serum everybody knew that he was proud of his half and half heritage and was good to both the superheros and supervillians which obviously made him the most beloved person on the planet. The supervillians were always trying to invent a serum that would destroy the superhero gene or destroy the effects of the O’Jadery Serum to absolutely no success so that they could have hervillings like Dapper Dance on their side which the superheros would never let happen.

Finally, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda saw Burke the Bird coming out of his shocked stupor. They could see for a nanosecond that he was actually about to tell Dapper Dance the truth that he was fine and nothing was wrong with him but a few nanoseconds later they saw him looking around at the crowd now noticing that every eye was on him and everybody knew that Burke the Bird loved the spotlight and being the center of attention so it was no surprise to Shamrock Girl and Emeralda when he put one of his hand-like wings to the top of his head and said dramatically, “Dapper, I feel absolutely dreadful if you must know.” He then dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief, when it came back it was bone dry. “It’s been so hard for me to go on with my every day life but yet I soldier on thanks to the love and support from my family and friends.” Burke turned back and smiled at Ebonnyra and Ivorysour who were beaming with pride at him then he looked out at the supervillian crowd and flashed them a beautiful smile. In return, they all smiled back.

“And your sure that there’s no chance that you’ll recover soon?” Dapper Dance asked Burke the Bird hopefully. A smirk quickly crossed Burke’s face then it left just as quickly as he replaced it with the fakest looking frown that Shamrock Girl and Emeralda had ever seen. He then shook his head with equal fake sadness and replied, “Sorry, but there is absolutely no chance of that Dapper. Doctor Spyra said that it’ll probably take me years to fully recover.” This time it was Dapper Dance’s turn to frown albeit genuinely. “I’m so sorry to hear that Burkie. Very sorry indeed. ” Then he paused for a few nanoseconds then said, “I hate to bother you at a difficult time like this Burkie but I was wondering if you would do me a little favor?” Burke the Bird’s eyes widened in surprise and he immediately perked up in interest. “What favor?” both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda asked out loud as their eyes remained glued to the tv.

“I was wondering if you would do me the honor of judging a contest that I will be holding soon. I want you to be an official judge.” Dapper Dance said. Burke the Bird’s face instantly lit up like a Christmas tree on Christmas morning and Ebonnyra and Ivorysour exchanged shocked glances with big ol’ smiles on their faces. Burke the Bird pointed at himself then said loudly to make sure that everybody heard, “You want me to be an official judge for your contest?” Dapper Dance nodded his head happily. Burke the Bird then pretended to think it over and after a couple of nanoseconds said, “Well, even though i’m really in no condition to do anything i’m going to say yes to judging your contest because you asked me to help you out and i’m the kind of bird who always helps out others in need. That’s just the kind of bird that I am.” he said modestly. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda almost upchucked at this statement. Dapper Dance clapped his hands loudly together then said, “Good, that’s all settled then.” You could tell he was about to say more when suddenly he was engulfed in a huge bear hug and lifted clean off of his feet.

It took Shamrock Girl and Emeralda only a few nanoseconds to recognize Truthy the Superhero hugging Dapper Dance fiercely. Burke the Bird looked extremely angry at having the spotlight taken off him by Truthy. A full two minutes later, Truthy peeled himself reluctantly off of Dapper Dance. It was then that he noticed all of the supervillians looking at him disdainfully especially Burke the Bird. Immediately his tan face flushed a bright pink and he began to apologize profusely. “So sorry everyone for interrupting it’s just that I haven’t seen my old dance teacher in months and when I saw him on tv I just had to rush down and say hello.” Burke the Bird hot on his tail said meanly, “Well now that you said hello, you can now say goodbye and get the hell out of here!” “Of course, of course, of course.” Truthy said then added sincerely, “And Burke I really want to congratulate you on your judgeship. If the truth be told, I know that you’ll be great at it because you seem to be very good at judging people.” Shamrock Girl and Emeralda smiled wickedly at Truthy’s bullseye remark. Burke the Bird seem to take Truthy’s remark as a compliment. He then rewarded Truthy with a big toothy smile as he said sweetly, “Thank you loser, I really appreciate that but now it’s time for you to make like a leaf and get the hell out of here. So long loser.” “Of course i’ll be off now but before I go can I ask what kind of contest you will be holding, Dapper?” Truth asked quickly. “I’m glad that you asked that question Truthy.” Dapper Dance said with delight then ruffled Truthy’s rich chestnut brown hair playfully. Truthy beamed with pleasure while Burke the Bird scowled at him.

“In two years we will celebrate our 500 year anniversary of the creation of Jytrimillya and I wanted to do something special to mark the event but then I got to thinking that everyone else will also want to do something special and if the truth be told my ego can’t have that. ” he said ruefully. Then he continued, “Everyone always remember that I am no better than anyone but I am different from everyone and I would like to celebrate that difference in a unique way. I’ve decided to throw a 498 year and 2 years shy planetary celebration dance contest!” Everybody cheered including Shamrock Girl, Emeralda, Burke the Bird, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour. “The contest will have fifteen distinct categories and if you all don’t mind I am going to list them all for you now. The best supervillian dancer, male. The best supervillian dancer, female. The best supervillian dancer, superpet.” Ebonnyra, Ivorysour and Burke the Bird all looked at each other with glee. “The best superhero dancer, male. The best superhero dancer, female. The best superhero dancer, superpet.” This time it was Shamrock Girl and Emeralda’s turns to look at each other with glee. “The best supervillain dance couple.” Ebonnyra and Ivorysour smiled and held each other’s hands tightly. “The best superhero dance couple, The best supervillian dance family, The best superhero dance family, The best supervillian/superpet dancer.” Ebonnyra, Ivorysour and Burke the Bird all high-fived each other. “The best superhero/superpet dancer.” This time it was Shamrock Girl and Emeralda’s turn to high-five each other. “The best supervillian dancer, male, female or superpet and the best superhero dancer, male, female or superpet. And last but certainly not least, The best dancer on Jytrimillya, supervillian, superhero, male, female, superpet.” Dapper Dance said then loudly took a fresh breath of air in. Everybody laughed.

He then continued, “The contest will be held at Jytrimillya Jarnegie Hall. It will be televised all over the planet and will take place in two months time over a span of two months with the winners all being crowned the last day of the competition. And folks when I say that the winners will be crowned they will be crowned baby!” Dapper Dance said boldly then laughed merrily and gave Truthy and Burke affectionate squeezes. Truthy already beaming was now practically fluorescent and Burke the Bird’s smile was so bright that it threatened to blind everyone. “The first, second and third place winners will receive three prizes. The first item, a beautiful pure diamond crown that I will ask the winner to wear for two days. The second item, a large trophy that I am calling the Dapper Award which will be made out of pure diamonds and will feature a picture of yours truly inside of it holding up one finger for first place, two fingers for second place and three fingers for third place. The trophy will also be inscribed with your name and the dance category that you won in. And the third item will be a gift certificate for two years of free dance lessons in any style that you want.” Dapper Dance finished happily.

Shamrock Girl and Emeralda had stars dancing in their eyes. They temporarily forgot their troubles as they both were picturing themselves in their minds being crowned the winner and receiving large trophies in front of the whole planet by Dapper Dance, who everybody viewed on Jytrimillya as the best dancer that there ever was. They both were so happy and lost in their daydreams that they almost didn’t hear what happened next but thankfully the mention of Burke the Bird’s name jolted them right back to reality. “Since Burkie’s way too ill to do anything and his recovery will probably take several years, to cheer him up for not being able to participate in any dance contest for a long long time which is sad because he really is a terrific dancer, I decided to make him an official judge for the supervillian events for my upcoming dance contest.” Dapper Dance said a little sadly but then he brightened up a bit then said, “I’ve also made Dr. Al an official judge for the superhero events of the contest.”

Upon hearing the reason why Burke was chosen as a judge, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda started laughing loudly, clapping their hands happily and bouncing up and down on the couch excitedly especially when they saw Burke the Bird’s face after Dapper Dance’s last statement. “Aaah, revenge and comeuppance was so sweet.” Shamrock Girl and Emeralda thought happily as they now watched an incredibly unhappy Burke the Bird squirm around uncomfortably. Then to make their day even better, Dapper Dance turned around and said consolingly to Ebonnyra and Ivorysour. “And I wouldn’t dream of asking either one of you to enter any of the dance competitions even though you two are fabulous dancers with your beloved pet being so ill. So I absolutely insist that you have front row seats in the Jytrimillya Jarnegie Hall. That way you’ll be able to see all of the dancers upclose and have a good seat to see the winners crowned and take home their trophies and gift certificates.” Dapper Dance said then reached over and hugged them tightly. Both Ebonnyra and Ivorysour hugged him back limply.

After Dapper Dance’s last remarks both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were now laughing like loons. It was obvious to anyone watching them that both Ebonnyra and Ivorysour looked like they were about to break out into tears at any moment. Burke the Bird on the other hand looked like he was on the verge of a total collapse finally realizing the implications of his fake injuries. He was currently grasping both ends of the tiny upraised podium with his hand-like wings and he was bent over as if in agony which Shamrock Girl and Emeralda knew that he was. It was a fact that Burke the Bird, Ebonnyra, Ivorysour and everybody on Jytrimillya loved to dance. It was actually their official planetary sport. Dancing was in a Jytrimillyan’s blood. Over the years the superheros tried in vain to introduce various earth sports to the supervillians so that they could challenge them to some of the sports and beat them for all of the bad things that they had done but none of the supervillians ever participated so the superheros were stuck playing the sports against each other which was fine at first then it got to be too boring. Dance was the only sport that the supervillians would participate in. Dance contests were the superheros only chance to beat the supervillians basically fair and square in something. Burke the Bird was no exception. He loved loved loved to dance and so did Ebonnyra and Ivorysour plus they were all super competitive and Shamrock Girl and Emeralda knew that it was killing them inside to know that they were going to have to sit on the sidelines and not be a part of the glory. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda laughed even harder. Now they were the ones with big fat happy tears running down their faces.

“Burkie, i’ll call you later on this evening and we’ll start making arrangements for the contest. Also, I have just been thinking that it would be nice if you would crown the winners and present them with their trophies and gift certificates. But we’ll work all of that out later. I know that you are a busy bird and have a press conference to get back to.” Dapper Dance said briskly. For a nanosecond, Shamrock Girl was shocked. She had totally forgotten that she and Emeralda were watching a press conference and that it was taking place right across the street from them. Dapper Dance suddenly hit himself on the side of his head, “I almost forgot to tell everyone that if you want to sign up for the dance contest you’ll have two days to do it so everybody needs to sign up by Thursday no later than 5:00 pm. And if you have had any recent injuries you’ll have to bring a note from your doctor’s office stating that you have had a full physical and that you are physically well now. When it comes to our health we don’t want to take any chances, right Burkie?” Dapper Dance said pleasantly then winked affectionately at Burke. Burke the Bird winked back listlessly.

“Goodbye everyone, I really must be going and let Burke get back to his press conference.” Dapper Dance then bent down and gave Burke the Bird a hearty hug then waved at the crowd. He was about to leave when he did a double take. “I almost forgot, since I am here, I might as well run across the street and ask Shamrock Girl and Emeralda the Cat if they want to sign up for the dance contest.” Dapper Dance said quickly. Truthy immediately started jumping up and down excitedly. “That is a wonderful idea, Dapper. If the truth be told, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda are the best dancers on Jytrimillya next to you of course!” Upon hearing this Burke the Bird, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour became totally enraged. Even the supervillians in the crowd snorted their disapproval at Truthy’s statement but they all fell silent after that but Ivorysour didn’t. He practically scared everyone including Shamrock Girl and Emeralda when he snarled loudly and fiercely, “Truthy step the hell off!”

Truthy turned and bowed elegantly at Ivorysour then he turned around and walked back through the parting of the red sea path that all of the supervillians in the crowd had made for Dapper Dance. Dapper Dance turned around and and gave Ivorysour a consoling hug then he whispered quietly, “Be nice, Ivy.” Next he turned to Ebonnyra and gave her a peck on the cheek and lastly gave Burke the Bird an affectionate squeeze on his shoulders. Dapper Dance then waved vigorously to the supervillian crowd then he too diappeared into the parting of the red sea path.

A few nanoseconds later, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda watched in amused amazement as Ivorysour burst into tears and began to sob loudly while a slightly more in control Burke the Bird crumpled against the tiny upraised podium. A nanosecond later, Ebonnyra with tears in her eyes led both of them away. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda’s eyes were glued to the tv set when they both started a little by the knock on the door. They both looked over at each other with big grins on their faces because they knew exactly who it was. Simultaneously they both jumped up and ran to the door. And just as they suspected, Dapper Dance and Truthy were standing there. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the prettiest girls in Jytrimillya City!” Dapper Dance said sweetly then picked up one of Shamrock Girl’s hands and kissed it. He then bent down and picked up Emeralda’s right paw and kissed it as well. In spite of themselves Shamrock Girl and Emeralda giggled girlishly. Truthy watched this display totally bug-eyed as if he was trying to memorize it so that one day he could do it too.

“Girls, I am so sorry to disturb you but I recently received a call from Dr. Al asking me if there was anything that I could do to help you girls out of the nasty pickle that you unfortunately got yourselves into.” Dapper Dance said then continued on. “Of course I told Dr. Al that I would do anything that I could to help you girls out and after doing a lot of thinking, I finally got the idea of throwing a 498 year and 2 years shy planetary celebration dance contest. I then quietly began making preparations a few days ago and am happy to say that I am half way through. After all of the hard work that i’ve done I decided that I needed a break so I decided to treat myself. I called and ordered myself a large supreme pizza from Jytrimillya City Pizzeria then decided to sit down and watch a little tv. Imagine my surprise when I turned on the television and saw Burkie giving a press conference so I thought what a perfect time to run down and tell him the good news in person.” Dapper Dance then winked devilishly at them then continued on.

“Knowing how much a certain bird and his owners not only love to dance but also love the spotlight and lots of glory I have a strong feeling that you girl’s current legal troubles are about to disappear soon.” Dapper Dance winked at them again devilishly. “Thank you, Dapper Dance so much! I don’t know how Emeralda and I will ever be able to repay you!” Shamrock Girl said with tears in her eyes as she flung herself against Dapper Dance’s chest. Emeralda did the same. Truthy encirled all of them in the hug too. For a full five minutes, all four of them stood there hugging until finally Emeralda stirred and Shamrock Girl and Truthy followed her lead and all three of them released Dapper Dance. “Now I won’t take no for an answer. I’m signing you girls and Truthy up for the appropriate dance competitions.” Dapper Dance said firmly with tears in his eyes and a huge smile on his face to all of them then he looked down at his wristwatch. “Now kids, I have to be off now, preparations, preparations, preparations, so much to do and so little time to do it.” Shamrock Girl, Emeralda and Truthy watched as Dapper Dance waved at them as he moved down the hallway, he then called back over his shoulder, “Girls, I want you at your best for the contest so I suggest that you leave your apartment and gets some fresh air.” He then disappeared around the corner and was gone.

Suddenly, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda found themselves the recipients of a giant bear hug from Truthy. While Truthy was hugging the hell out of them the phone rang. Several nanoseconds went by before Truthy reluctantly released them as Shamrock Girl went to answer the phone. Emeralda and Truthy were right behind her. “Hi Dr. Al, omigod, thank you, thank you so much!” Shamrock gushed. Emeralda gently patted her on the foot, Shamrock immediately looked down. “Put her on the speaker phone, girl.” Emeralda said quickly. Shamrock Girl happily nodded her head. Shamrock Girl quickly pushed a button on the side of the phone and suddenly Dr. Al’s pleasant voice filled the room. “Hi, Dr. Al!” Both Emeralda and Truthy singsonged. “Hello dears, how are you today?” Again in unison, Emeralda and Truthy singsonged, “Terrific!” Dr. Al laughed merrily. “Listen, the reason why I am calling kids is that I want all of you to get your butts dressed in your earth’s finest because i’m throwing a party for you girls this evening at 7:00 pm at the JC Community Club Room 17. Okay. And Truthy I would like you to do me a favor and escort the girls to the party. ” Dr. Al said. “It would be my pleasure, Dr. Al.” Truthy said then did an elegant bow. “Thanks, kiddo! And Truthy I want you and the girls to come to the party by foot. I want the girls to have a nice long walk. After the week and a half that they have had I think that they really need it.” “No problem, Dr. Al. It’s a beautiful day for a walk.” Truthy said and boy was he right!

Shamrock Girl, Emeralda and Truthy took a long walk in downtown Jytrimillya City. As they walked they all felt light, carefree and extremely gorgeous. With Truthy in a white tuxedo and Shamrock Girl and Emeralda in matching green satin dresses and slippers and a touch of diamond jewelry they made their grand entrance into meeting room 17 at 7:08 pm to a chorus of shouts and cheers. The evening was one of the best that Shamrock Girl had ever had. It was a wonderful whirlwind of champagne, delicious food and of course, lots of dancing. Much, much later, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were each helped and tucked into their beds by Dr. Al along with Truthy who literally had taken two sips of a glass of champagne and had instantly become intoxicated. Dr. Al, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda decided that she and Truthy would spend the last three days of Shamrock Girl’s vacation with them at the apartment. The last thing that Shamrock Girl and Emeralda remembered before they both fell into a sound sleep was Dr. Al helping Truthy walk to one of the apartment’s spare bedrooms. It was 11:50 am when Dr. Al woke them the next day or if the truth be told, later the same day.

Both Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were vigorously trying to rub the sleep from their eyes when Truthy ambled in looking extremely cute and rumpled. He said a sleepy “good morning” then settled himself in a recliner against the wall. Dr. Al hurried over to him, moved the lever back and the chair itself went back too. Dr. Al then rushed out the door again and was back nanoseconds later with a big fluffy blanket which she tucked snugly around a lightly snoring Truthy who had already fallen back asleep again. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda followed Truthy’s lead and started to fall back to sleep when Dr. Al woke them again by placing trays of hot steaming bowls of grits, orange juice, cinnamon toast and coffee upon them. She then switched on Shamrock Girl’s small bedroom tv. No sooner had Shamrock Girl taken her first sip of coffee did Nano News (The Noon Edition) come on and to nobody’s surprise the lead story was about the miraculous recovery of Burke the Bird and the dropping of all charges against Emeralda the Cat. Shamrock Girl, Emeralda and Truthy let out loud whoops of joy only to be scolded a few nanoseconds later by Dr. Al who couldn’t hear the news because they were making too much noise. When it came to the news Dr. Al was very strict. Shamrock Girl, Emeralda and Truthy all celebrated albeit quietly. During the broadcast they found out that a press conference by Burke the Bird was to be given outside of Dapper Dance’s Dance Studio & Emporium and would immediately follow the newscast. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda looked at each other then rolled their eyes but their smiles still remained on their faces because this was one press conference where they actually knew the outcome.

At 12:30 pm sharp a completely healed Burke the Bird appeared on the same tiny upraised podium that he had stood behind only one day before. For a half an hour he told everyone watching how much pain he had been in and how he had considered taking his own life and moving on to the after life but he knew how selfish that was so he decided to pray and when he woke up early this morning he found himself completely healed. It was a miracle. Even Dr. Spyra who they had visited early this morning had said it was a miracle too. (Dr. Spyra was the doctor supreme for the supervillian division of the planet of Jytrimillya and the most crooked doctor on the planet.) After his visit to Dr. Spyra, Burke told everyone that got him to do some hard thinking and after two difficult hours of more prayer he decided that he would repay the miracle that had been bestowed upon him by withdrawing all of the charges against Emeralda the Cat. So now everybody’s happy! A now smiling Burke the Bird said happily. Shamrock Girl and Emeralda both rolled their eyes heavenward at Burke the Bird’s lame story but quickly brought them back down to Jytrimillya when Truthy said in a loud excited voice, “It’s Dapper Dance, it’s Dapper Dance!”

Shamrock Girl and Emeralda looked at the tv just in time to see Dapper Dance stroll over to Burke the Bird. Ebonnyra and Ivorysour stood right behind him. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the best looking bird in Jytrimillya City!” Dapper Dance said with a devilishly glint in his eye then winked at all of the cameras. Shamrock Girl, Emeralda and Truthy cackled loudly. Dr. Al eventually joined in herself. Burke the Bird looked positively glowing from the compliment. “You’re looking good, Burkie but are you sure that you are up to entering the dance contest? Some of the competitions that you want to enter are going to be tough and pretty taxing on the body. Are you sure that you’re up to it?” Dapper Dance said with a genuine worried look on his cream colored face. “Oh yeah, Dappie baby, like I said i’m totally cured! I’m fine now! It was a miracle! An absolute miracle!” Burke the Bird said loudly then lowered his head solemnly to acknowledge the miracle. “I’m sure that it was Burkie however i’m afraid that I can’t let you enter the dance contest.” Dapper Dance said with a sad frown on his face. Burke the Bird’s head instantly whipped up in shock.

Shamrock Girl, Emeralda, Dr. Al and Truthy were all speechless along with all of the people in the crowd. A few nanoseconds later, Burke the Bird’s mouth began quivering and tears started to form in his baby blues. Thirty full seconds went by before a devilish smile appeared on Dapper Dance’s face. He then extended his index finger and lifted Burke the Bird’s chin until they were looking into each other’s eyes. “I’m afraid Burkie that I can’t let you enter the dance contest without a note from your doctor saying that you were given a full physical and that you are well enough to participate. ” Dapper Dance said then winked devilishly at Burke the Bird and at the crowd. Relief spread all over Burke the Bird’s face and it quickly spread through the crowd. “Now young man do you have such a note?” The tears now gone from his baby blues and a big ol’ grin on his face Burke the Bird said loudly and proudly, “Dappie, I got it right here!” He then reached into his breast pocket and produced a folded up piece of paper and quickly gave it to Dapper Dance. Dapper quickly put his reading glasses on and studied the note. Everyone in the crowd waited breathlessly. It was four full minutes before Dapper Dance looked up from the note then looked at Burke the Bird. Burke looked terrified.

“Well what are you waiting for young man, get in there and sign up for the competitions that you want to participate in.” Dapper Dance said happily while pointing at his dance studio. He then waved the note in the air for all to see. “Everything is official here. Ebonnyra and Ivorysour you get in there and sign up too. Both of you are excellent dancers and i’d really like to see you strut your stuff. Now off you go you three!” Loud cheering arose at Dapper Dance’s words. You didn’t have to tell Burke the Bird thrice, with pure glee on his face and forgetting that he could fly he scrambled by foot into the dance studio with a very happy Ebonnyra and Ivorysour behind him to sign up for the dance contest. “And if anybody else wants to sign up for the dance contest you have until 5:00 pm tomorrow to do it. Goodbye everybody, have a good day!” Dapper Dance called out merrily as he waved to the crowd who enthusiastically waved back and walked back into the dance studio. A nanosecond after he left there was a mad dash of supervillians elbowing and cursing each other as they tried to be the first to enter the dance studio to sign up for the contest.

Dr. Al turned the tv off then got up from the foot of the bed. She turned around pointed three fingers all in Shamrock Girl, Emeralda and Truthy’s direction then said, “Super hot.” A nanosecond later, the food on all three trays that they all had set on the floor to watch the news and press conference were all steaming hot again and smelling delicious. “Now I want all three of you to finish your breakfasts and get some rest. I’m going to bake some cookies and do a few things in the kitchen.” Dr. Al said then blew three kisses at them then left the room. Shamrock Girl, Emeralda and Truthy quickly picked up their trays and began eating heartily. A minute later, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda were interrupted by Truthy who said loudly, “Let’s have a toast shall we.” They all raised their glasses of orange juice. “To Burke the Bird and his miraculous recovery.” Truthy said with a twinkle in his eye and a big ol’ smirk on his face. “To Burke the Bird!” They all singsonged in unison then started laughing hysterically. At one point during their laughter, Shamrock Girl and Emeralda’s eyes met and Emeralda with expert eyeball telepathy said, “Despite all of the crap that we have been through the last couple of days, there’s no place like home!” And like the cosmic twins that they were, Shamrock Girl agreed with absolute happiness, “There’s no place like home!” then she picked up her spoon and began eating heartily again!

(Definition) Ghetto Lipgloss is a slang word for Vaseline Petroleum Jelly. It is often purchased by females and a couple of heterosexual guys who are too broke-ass or cannot afford to buy regular lipgloss or lipstick. It basically does the same thing regular lipgloss does such as providing a little shine and color to the lips but for a fraction of the cost.

I will now use this word in a couple of sentences to clarify its meaning.

“Dina got ghetto lipgloss all over Dean’s brand new nipple ring. Boy was Dean’s mom mad about that! And who can blame her! The woman spent over a thousand dollars on the damn thing!”

“Rosemary said that in addition to using a little ghetto lipgloss on her jacked-up, cracked-ass lips to help alleviate the dryness that she also uses some all up in her dry-ass vagina to help alleviate the dryness there too. P.S. Hey, ya’ll, I ain’t even gonna’ touch that one! Hey, can anybody say sticky fingers!”

“Look at that mom slathering huge gobs of ghetto lipgloss all over that screaming baby’s chaffed bum while fixing herself a big-ass chef salad up at the salad bar. Damn, that bitch is doin’ some serious multi-taskin’! I take my hat off to her ultra-skilled unsanitary ass!”

Shamrock Girl loved her some food and at a comfortable 160 pounds you could tell. And she was darn proud of it. After all, she loved herself and her weight. There was one simple truth that she accepted a long time ago about herself and it was the fact that she was never gonna’ be one of those pencil thin superhero girls that you see on Supernano Flight Magazine. She accepted the fact that she would always be one of those superhero girls with a little extra junk in her trunk. To put it simply, for some people baseball was their favorite pastime for others it was crocheting but for Shamrock Girl it was eating delicious food which is why when Shamrock Girl read in the Boston Herald that Boston’s instant grit supply had suddenly vanished into thin air she knew with 100% certainty that it could only be the work of her two archnemesises, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour.

Shamrock Girl had practically nothing in common with these two supervillians with a few exceptions and one of those exceptions was grits. Shamrock Girl, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour loved them some grits. Shamrock Girl even had her own special recipe called “Shamrock Girl’s Glory, Glory, Glory Hallelujah Grits.” First, she prepared 3 packets of Quaker Instant Grits in a large saucepan. Once they were finished she then added 1 tablespoon of butter, 1 tablespoon of sugar, 1 teaspoon of Watkins Banana Extract, 1 teaspoon of Watkins Chocolate Extract and mixed those ingredients in thoroughly with the grits. Shamrock Girl then poured a serving of grits into a bowl and last but not least, in a zigzag motion she added some Watkins Cherry Extract on top. A couple strips of bacon, a piece of buttery toast and a nice cold glass of orange juice to wash it all down completed her meal. Oh, it was some good eatin’! I mean just thinking of her recipe made her mouth water. But she had to tell herself to concentrate on the task at hand because she had work to do. Shamrock Girl looked at the Blarney Ring on her right hand and raised her left hand heavenward then loudly said the Shamrock Girl Power Rap.

Black, white, brown, red and yellow,
I do this for all of my girls and my fellows,
Give me the power, oh great Blarney Stone, I proudly bellow,
This is Shamrock Girl, it’s time for action now, hello!

Immediately after she said the power rap she instantly transformed from Green O’Jadery into Shamrock Girl. Once her superhero transformation was complete she looked again at the Blarney Ring on her right hand and said, “Shamrock of Justice.” Less than a nanosecond later a large floating ethereal Shamrock appeared by her side. She then said, “Let’s ride.” Another nanosecond later the Shamrock of Justice appeared under her feet and within 90 nanoseconds she was back on her home planet of Jytrimillya in front of Ebonnyra and Ivorysour’s house.

Here’s a little info on Jytrimillya:
Jytrimillya was a gigantic diamond-shaped invisible and undetectable planet in the solar
system. The planet itself was a spectacular sight to behold. It was comprised of trillions of miles of lush land and due to it’s diamond-like atmosphere was very sparkly and shimmery. Jytrimillya was a beautiful place to grow up. It was not only her home away from home but it was also home to many other superheros and supervillians too.

Anyhoo, Shamrock Girl heard noise so she followed it. Within a few seconds she came face to face with walls and walls of boxes. And Shamrock Girl knew exactly what was in those boxes. Instant grits. Shamrock Girl continued to weave her way through the tower of boxes and finally stopped when she she saw in the center of those boxes Ebonnyra and Ivorysour sitting at a table wolfing down steaming hot grits. The both of them were so busy gobbling down the grits that they didn’t see Shamrock Girl until she was seated across from them at the table. For a few seconds the two supervillians were momentarily stunned but that quickly passed and they were soon back in control and returned to their usual mean selves. For a minute noone spoke, they all just looked at each other. It was Shamrock Girl who broke the silence first. She looked first at Ebonnyra then she looked over at Ivorysour, her face was like granite. She then uttered four words with steel in her voice, “Give up the grits!”

Upon hearing this Ebonnyra started laughing hysterically but Ivorysour turned beet red, jumped to his feet and sputtered icily sending bits of grits flying everywhere, “Witch, you better step off! We don’t have to give up nothin’! Shamrock Girl, you ain’t gonna’ be comin’ up in my crib startin’ some mess, girl you better step off before you get pushed off! I ain’t playin’ with you! Now get the heck outta’ my house!” Shamrock Girl stood her ground, she wasn’t going anywhere. With a huge smirk on her face, Ebonnyra waved enthusiastically at her and said in a sugary sweet tone, “Bye, Shamrock Girl! And by the way, kiss my grits!” Ebonnyra and Ivorysour hooted with laughter. Shamrock Girl saw her chance and took it. While the two supervillians were laughing, Shamrock Girl uttered two words, “Super speed.” Within a nanosecond Shamrock Girl knocked over the huge bowl of grits in the center of the table in Ebonnyra and Ivorysour’s direction. The two supervillians immediately stopped laughing as hot grits landed all over them. Shamrock Girl then snatched the two rings, The Awesome Onyx and The Lemonhead Diamond, off of the supervillians fingers with ease and held them firmly in her right palm. Ivorysour totally enraged and covered with grits from head to toe snarled menacingly, “Give us back our rings, witch!” Shamrock Girl again uttered four words, “Give up the grits!”

At the same time, the two supervillians let out angry frustrated howls as both of them knew that they had no other choice but to give back the grits that they stole. Everybody at that table knew that without those rings, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour were virtually powerless. After two minutes, Ebonnyra said with pure controlled rage in her voice, “Oh, take your stupid ol’ grits cow and get the heck outta’ my house!” Ivorysour hot on her tail said, “Shamrock Girl take the grits and get to steppin’ baby!” Shamrock Girl held up the two rings out of the two supervillians grasp and said, “You’ll get these back when I put all of the grits back. Hey, wait a minute, that rhymes!” Shamrock Girl then threw her head back and started to laugh merrily. Ivorysour rolled his eyes heavenward while shaking his head and Ebonnyra stuck out her tongue at her. Shamrock Girl laughed again then blew two kisses to each of them then proceeded to return all of the grits back to Boston. When she was done she returned to Ebonnyra and Ivorysour’s house and laid the two rings on the ground 10 feet in front of them then returned to Earth but not before hearing lots of threats of revenge against her and a “Step off, witch!”

Within 95 nanoseconds she was back at her second home in Nashua New Hampshire dressed as Green O’Jadery. Green hurried into the kitchen and assembled all of the ingredients to make her favorite glory, glory, glory hallelujah grits. As the grits were cooking on the stove she thought about her encounter with the two supervillians and she said aloud with total conviction in her voice, “I will never step off Ebonnyra and Ivorysour because I am Shamrock Girl, Boston’s superhero here to stay!” Shamrock Girl then put her right hand patriotically over her heart and then sang loudly and proudly.

“Glory, glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, glory! Hallelujah!”

“HIS TRUTH IS MARCHING ON!”

“Glory, glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, glory! Hallelujah!
Glory, glory! Hallelujah!”

"HIS-TRUTH-IS-MARCHI NG-ON!

“God Bless America!” Shamrock Girl yelled then threw her head back and laughed merrily.

It would be so much simpler if content writing websites like Ehow.com and Buzzle.com would put a notice on their websites stating that if they ever get successful or start making lots of advertising dollars that they will give their writers the finger and sell their asses down the river.

In the past couple of years, I have written for both of these websites. In the beginning or in their early years when they needed all of the writers that they could get to get their websites going, both websites accepted 99% of the articles that I submitted. I even got a significant amount of page views on both. HOWEVER, after both websites became successful and started making those advertising dollars, that quickly changed.

In approximately 2009, I had about 20 articles posted on Ehow.com then the next day about half of them disappeared. When I emailed them to ask what happened I was basically told that the articles that they removed from their website without even a courtesy email saying that they were going to remove them were deemed “inappropriate.” As you can imagine this really pissed me off because I put the majority of the articles onto the website in 2008 and nary a negative word from them but now that the website was getting those advertising dollars and trying to be “respectable” they kicked my ass to the curb. In return, I kicked their asses to the curb by cancelling my account with them. Take that Ehow.com! My only regret is that I didn’t make a copy of some of the articles that I put on Ehow.com meaning all of my hard work on those articles was erased, gone forever. Bummer! Ehow.com you suck!

People don’t get me wrong. I know that websites like Ehow.com and Buzzle.com have to make money to survive but it pisses me off when websites like these forget that it was us little people who helped them out in the beginning and get where they are today. Is there no loyalty anymore? Certainly not when it comes to websites like Buzzle.com.

In July 2011, I had approximately 17 articles on Buzzle.com that I had written over a span of several years but again one day I woke up to find that the majority of them were gone too. I, of course emailed Buzzle.com to find out what had happened. According to Buzzle.com it wasn’t really their fault that they had to erase my articles, it was Google Panda’s fault. (For those of you who don’t know what Google Panda is to put it simply it’s basically a algorithm/program that determines whether content on a website is low quality.) So the gist of it is Buzzle.com not only erased many of my articles that I did alot of hard work on they also told me in their response email that my articles are crap (or Google Panda did anyway) and not good enough to be on their website. (Hypocrites!) As you can again imagine this pissed me off because some of the articles had been on Buzzle.com for a long time (years in fact) and had received a huge amount of page views and now they’re telling me they had to erase them because of Google Panda. I’m sorry Buzzle.com you’re full of shit! Buzzle.com you had a choice, you just chose money over loyal writers who had been with you in your early days. It’s as simple as that. Why not be a man and say so instead of blaming Google Panda. The ultimate decision was yours. Man up!

ADVICE FROM A LOYAL WRITER WHO GOT SCREWED BY EHOW.COM AND BUZZLE.COM: Watch out for these two websites and make copies of your work! Writers protect yourselves and your precious work!

And if you are a new content writing website or thinking about starting one, study Buzzle.com and Ehow.com and learn from their mistakes.

What do you think of Buzzle.com & Ehow.com?

A. I love Buzzle.com and Ehow.com! (P.S. Like Tony the Tiger says, “They’re great!”)

B. I hate Buzzle.com and Ehow.com! (P.S. I too got the shaft from these bozos and I ain’t talking about the penis either baby! Although, I wish I were! Low down dirty snicker!)

C. I never even heard of either of these websites! (P.S. Maybe because I have a life! Ha, take that Tina!)

D. I have content currently on at least one of these websites and I haven’t had any problems so far. I think that they’re okay. Hey, Tina, give them a break!

Some say that there is a balance to everything in life.
Where there is darkness there is light, when a death occurs a new life is born, for every good thing that happens, a bad thing happens too.  This philosophy unfortunately also applies to me too.  So for every superhero that there is, there is also a supervillian to match. For me there are two supervillians, to be exact, their names are Ebonnyra and Ivorysour.

Here’s a little info about them:
Ebonnyra and Ivorysour are bad, through and through. They thought bad, they ate bad, they breathed bad, they lived bad and they loved bad. Ebonnyra and Ivorysour had many bad goals that they wanted to achieve together in life but their ultimate goal was to destroy St. Patrick’s Day, forever! They knew that in doing so they would not only destroy this wonderful and blessed holiday but they would also destroy Shamrock Girl herself. Just as Ebonnyra and Ivorysour loved bad, Shamrock Girl loved St. Patrick’s Day. It was the day on which her whole foundation was built upon. Without St. Patrick’s Day she would be nothing. She would be destroyed and annihalated. And that is exactly what Ebonnyra and Ivorysour wanted. With Shamrock Girl out of the way they could turn Boston into the bad capital of the world! And rule it, badly! Oh, how much that thought filled them with joy and delight! Ebonnyra and Ivorysour could have it all! But there was only one thing standing in their way and it was that goody-goody meddling pest, Shamrock Girl. And if it took them the rest of their lives they would get rid of her once and for all. To be honest, Ebonnyra and Ivorysour weren’t really concerned at all about Shamrock Girl. They both felt that she was only a temporary pesky situation that they would soon be rid of and then they would proudly take their thrones as the baddest King and Queen of Boston. After all, it was their destiny and noone was going to stand in their way especially a pesky loser like Shamrock Girl. No way! Boston was their turf and they let noone forget it.

Here’s a little more info on Ebonnyra:
-Ebonnyra was a beautiful, tall, lean black woman with gorgeous cinnamon brown skin,
long straight raven black hair, shiny white teeth, stormy black eyes and a small
upturned nose that she loved to use to look down on humans, superheros and other
supervillians that she thought weren’t as good as her.
-As far as clothing was concerned she always dressed in black and wore black sunglasses.
-Like Madonna, she went by only one name and could easily blend in as a regular person
in a crowd when she wanted to.
-Ebonnyra had a man of course and his name was Ivorysour. She was absolutely head over
heels in love with him and protected him fiercely.
-In terms of her superpowers, she had two powerful gifts. The first being that she could
manipulate the color black to do anything that she wanted and second she wore the ring,
The Awesome Onyx, that gave her incredible powers.
-Her trademark catchphrase is: “Shamrock Girl, damn girl scout!”

Here’s a little more info on Ivorysour:
-Ivorysour was a very tall, handsome, muscular white man with exquisite ivory white skin,
short crew-cut yellow blonde hair, slightly yellowing teeth, big effervescent yellow gold eyes
and a medium-sized upturned nose that he too loved to use to look down on humans, superheros and other supervillians that he thought weren’t as good as him.
-As far as clothing was concerned, Ivorysour at the urging of Ebonnyra wore black from the
waist down but from the waist up he wore all yellow. He particularly loved to wear any type
of short-sleeved yellow shirt that showed off his impressive and numerous muscles. He topped
off his outfits with yellow-rimmed sunglasses.
-Like Gallagher, he went by only one name and could easily blend in as a regular person
in a crowd when he wanted to.
-Ivorysour’s wife was of course Ebonnyra and she was his whole world. He loved her dearly
and reserved smiles strictly for her.
-His face was often contorted in a grimace or a pucker due to all of the lemons that he consumed.
-In terms of his superpowers, he also had two powerful gifts. The first being that he could
manipulate a lemon to do anything that he wanted and second he wore the ring,
The Lemonhead Diamond, that gave him extraordinary powers.
-His trademark catchphrase is: “Shamrock Girl, step off!”

Hey, here’s a song that I just wrote for all of you mama-wannabees out there! And it goes a little something like this!

-My superhero name is Shamrock Girl but my real name is Green O'Jadery. 
-I reside in Nashua New Hampshire but I do all of my crimefighting in Boston Massachusetts.
-By night I am a crimefighter, by day I am a part-time social worker for the New Hampshire Dept of Health & Human Services.
-I was born of Irish descent but I love people of all different races, colors and creeds which is the primary reason why I like to be referred to as Black Irish.

My physical attributes are:
-I have long curly jet black hair, big emerald-colored eyes and full lush lips and a nice shaped nose.
-I am medium height specifically 5' 6".
-My breast size is 36B and my behind is quite ample.
-Because I love to eat, I am a comfortable 160 pounds.
-Overall I am considered to be very good looking.

When i'm fighting crime I wear:
-A green shamrock-shaped leotard.
-On my feet I wear green boots with sparkly and shimmery shamrocks all over them. -To complete my outfit, I wear shamrock shaped emerald studs in my ears and a shamrock shaped bracelet around my wrist.
-But every once in a while I like to change my clothing up a bit.

As far as my talents go:
-I can sing and dance extremely well. In fact, I have been known to break a glass or two with my five octave voice.
-I am an expert double dutch rope jumper.
-I can make a coin dance on my hand.

-I have a remarkable memory that makes me quite knowledgeable on alot of subjects.

Some of my favorite things are:
-Eating catfish with alot of Frank's Red Hot Original Cayenne Pepper Sauce. -Eating food and drinking liquids with Watkins Extracts in them. -Eating, period!
-Listening and dancing to good ol' fashioned rhythm and blues, disco, rock from the 60's; 70's; and 80's, rap, hip-hop, hair metal and old school country music.
-Rollerskating and rollerblading all over town.
-Performing stand-up comedy on open mike nights.

In terms of my superhero powers, I have in my arsenal:
-Extraordinary powers of persuasion. I have a very powerful gift of the gab. I basically can persuade anyone to do anything that I like anytime that I want.
-The Blarney Ring which is an emerald and gold ring in the shape of a shamrock that has five pieces of the Blarney Stone from Ireland embedded into it. It has special magical powers.
-The Shamrock of Justice which is a shamrock that comes out of the Blarney Ring and can be used as a powerful weapon, can render me invisible, has the ability to transport me from place to place plus lots of other things.

Okay everybody, now that you know a little bit about me, let the drama begin!

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(This blog post is from my The Adventures of Shamrock Girl & Friends, Etc. Blog!) 

(Definition) Full of Shit Game Show Contestant refers to totally bogus male or female who has the nerve to tell the host of a game show that they had a great time on the show after losing a fabulous prize such as a million dollars, a brand new sports car or a trip around the world with a big ol’ pathetic-ass shit eating grin on their face when in fact everybody knows that they are lying their asses off and fooling absolutely noone.

I will now use this phrase in a couple of sentences to clarify its meaning.

“Look boss, isn’t that guy the full of shit game show contestant that we saw on ‘The Price is Right’ yesterday that has screwed more of his co-workers than you and Bob Barker put together? That low-down dirty dog! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”

“I can’t believe Pat Sajak just pissed his pants from laughing so hard just because Vanna White and that full of shit game show contestant got knocked upside the head by three consonants and a vowel on ‘Wheel of Fortune.’ That’s not nice! What if that had happened to you, Pat? Would you be pissing your pants then?”

“Why is that full of shit game show contestant stomping the hell out of that ugly-ass parting gift that Regis Philbin just gave him on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ Oh god, that is so funny!” P.S. But not as funny as Vanna White and that full of shit game show contestant being knocked upside the head by three consonants and a vowel! Loud-ass snicker!

(This blog post is from my The Adventures of Shamrock Girl & Friends, Etc. Blog!)

Let’s face it, we live in a nasty world, and there are alot of nasty girls out there who like to do freaky-deaky things like videotaping themselves having oral sex with a nasty boy. And i’m here to say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this however if you are a nasty girl who does this you had better make sure that the videos of your sexcapades are kept under lock and key at Fort Knox or some other high-security place like that where nobody can get to them, if not you are asking for trouble with a capital “T!”

Thanks to the internet generation that we currently live in once these videotapes are made public they have the power of a level 5 tornado. They can destroy anything in its path like your career, reputation, marriage, relationships, sanity, etc.

Nasty girls, when it comes to oral sex there is only one method that, excuse the expression, “doesn’t leave a bad taste in your mouth.”

The method that I am referring to is audiotape recording. So for you Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson, Paris Hilton and Rick Solomon wannabes out there instead of videotaping your sexcapades, try audiotaping them instead. Below are some benefits of this method of “oral sex.”

-You and your partner can be as loud and nasty as you want to be without overexposing yourselves, i.e. on an audiotape nobody can see your penis or vagina.

-Audiotapes of your sexcapades require lower security than a videotape but you still might want to keep them under lock and key at a place like Fort Knox although a good safe or lockbox will do.

-If the audiotape is lost or stolen and makes its way into the public eye like onto the internet, I have to be honest and say that it will most likely be very embarrassing for you because anybody with access to the internet will be able to hear the sounds of your lovemaking and your “dirty talk,” however it will be less embarrassing and far less damaging than a videotape.

-And if worse comes to worse, an individual can always lie and say that the voice on an embarrassing audiotape that has been made public is not theirs and say that it is another individual’s who happens to sound just like them since there are no images or pictures.

So nasty girls, do the smart thing when it comes to “oral sex” and think with the big head!

Audiotape your sexcapades instead of videotaping them for better piece of mind and for an even better piece of ass! And don’t forget when you are audiotaping your sexcapades remember to:

-Laugh low-down and dirty!
-Sing the national anthem!
-Engage in “baby talk!”
-Use noisy sex toys!
-Tell erotic stories!
-Slurp and say “mmm mmm good!” while performing oral sex!
-Moan and groan loudly!
-Spank that ass before you tap that ass!
-Have fun!
-Be creative!
-Use your imagination!
-And do anything else to make your audiotape recordings of your lovemaking enjoyable and memorable!

(This is a blog post from my The Adventures of Shamrock Girl & Friends, Etc. Blog!) 

In the Harry Potter books by J.K. Rowling one of the many tasty treats that were available to Harry, Hermoine, Ron, Draco and the others were Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans. The children had their choice of such mouth-watering flavors as earwax, spinach and booger flavored jelly beans. Can anyone say mmm mmm good!

Now I am going to personally make a case for the deodorant community. And it goes a little something like this……&hell ip;
For so long deodorant has been a thing that we human beings just put on our underarms to keep us from stinking but the deodorant community has recently united and loudly announced that it wants so much more! They also want human beings to know that they are extremely pissed off that its power is slowly being taken away by a little monster called “convenience” and they don’t like it!

One example of this being that back in the day deodorant makers always made rough and tough deodorant that you could see. You know that ultra chalky white shit that was so visible to the eye that you couldn’t forget it. The good stuff that ruined alot of clothes that you spent your hard earned money on after only a couple of wearings. To the hardworking deodorant community, those were the days as Edith and Archie Bunker sang so joyfully but today it’s all about that stupid-ass invisible shit! You know that weak-ass shit that disappears as soon as you put it on under your arms and nobody can see it. Deodorant so damn sheer that it doesn’t ruin one inch of your clothing. No brown or black armpit stains, no nothing!

Let me tell you people that the deodorant community has had it with this so called “convenience” and they don’t want to take it anymore! Look, everybody in the world has some kind of job and the old school deodorant is rapidly losing their jobs to these invisible deodorant bozos. Damn deodorant makers! Countless members of the deodorant community are rapidly finding themselves standing in the unemployment line instead of on the grocery store shelf line. And do you think that an unemployment check and food stamps are enough for a good decent middle class deodorant family to live on? Hell no!

The deodorant community is fighting back and demanding that some of those jobs be given back and if they can’t have their old jobs back then they want new ones. So if Bertie Bott’s can make an every flavored jelly bean then deodorant makers can make an every flavored deodorant and put some members of the deodorant community back to work!

Dammit, if Bertie Bott’s can have an earwax flavored bean then by god so can deodorant! Hey deodorant makers, you bitches are missing out on a prime market! Everybody knows that human beings not only want to smell good in a variety of flavors but they also want to taste good too in a variety of flavors! (At this time I would like to give a shout out to all of the kinky people in the world who have edible underwear in their drawers right now! Yeah baby!) Edible underwear and edible deodorant forever!

Let’s face it people, nobody really cares how a deodorant smells only the deodorant makers care about that insignificant shit. What human beings really care about is how a deodorant tastes to the person licking it off of their musty underarms. Case closed and proven by the way!

So people of the world, it’s time that you spoke up and take a side. The right side! The deodorant’s side! Let’s cut the world’s unemployment lines! Vote for edible deodorant that you can not only see but taste! Do it! Do it now!

(POLL QUESTION FOR THIS POST–TELL ME WHICH IS THE ANSWER THAT YOU LIKE BEST!)

In terms of deodorant…… ….

A. Deodorant makers should keep on screwing the deodorant community by doing exactly what it has been doing! (P.S. I like to see the deodorant community suffering because I am a sadistic pig.)

B. Give the deodorant community anything that they want! (P.S. I’m scared to death of those crazy bitches!)

C. Chocolate deodorant is what the world truly needs!

D. I totally disagree. Booger flavored deodorant is the only way to go!

E. Earwax flavored deodorant is the true king!

F. It’s only deodorant people! Who the hell cares! (P.S. If you think that there should be a booger flavored deodorant on the market you need to have your head examined right away!)

G. Everyone has rights including deodorant! (Hey deodorant, keep your head up, one day you will overcome!)

H. This is the craziest post that I have ever read in my life! (P.S. Maybe the author should have their head examined!)

I. Tina, this post is genius! Please keep on writing more of them! (P.S. I just pissed my pants from laughing so hard!)

J. Deodorant sucks! It’s that simple.

K. I love deodorant! It’s that simple.

L. I’m like Switzerland, i’m neutral and i’m not taking any sides unless some monetary compensation can be arranged. (P.S. By the way, I love bribes!)

(This is a blog post from my The Adventures of Shamrock Girl and Friend s, Etc. Blog!  Enjoy!)

“If you’re hearing this message it means that you have been fired from your job.”

“Possible reasons why you got canned are:”

“A. Using a company computer to view porno sites and failing to clean up your mess afterwards.”

“B. Sexually harassing ugly co-workers over the age of 30.”

“Sexually harassing ugly co-workers under the age of 29 is completely acceptable and within company guidelines.”

“C. Stealing company property then selling it and not giving the janitor his 50 percent cut.”

“D. It’s an election year and your new boss is a staunch Republican and you’re a no good bleeding heart, tree-huggin’ Democrat.”

“E. It’s an election year and your new boss is a staunch Democrat and you’re a greedy environment-ruining, equal rights bashing Republican.”

“F. You’re a victim of corporate downsizing which means you were fired for no good reason at all.”

“G. Your contract with the company wasn’t renewed because the printer ran out of ink due to all the 50 year old employees photocopying their butts.”

“H. Your body odor and bad breath have been slowly killing the plants.”

“I. You’ve been late arriving at work because of being picked up for drunk driving 81 times and 80 is the company limit.”

“J. You’re salary demands were way too low which is a disgrace to greedy employees everywhere.”

“K. You don’t get along with any of your co-workers because you are the only one there who actually works unlike everybody else who are only there to check their Facebook pages, make long distance calls and steal the postage stamps.”

“L. The boss found out that you had sex on the breakroom microwave and didn’t have the decency to tape it and upload it a’la Paris Hilton-style onto the internet for everyone to see!”

“M. You got caught lying about being sick when you were spotted at a Morris Albert concert that same day.”

“P.S. The reason why you were fired wasn’t because you lied, it was because you actually went to see Morris Albert in concert and no company can have their employees engaging in that kind of sick-ass behavior, i.e. Morris Albert and his crappy love song, ‘Feelings’ sucks! Feelings, wo-o-o feelings, wo-o-o, feelings. Feelings, wo-o-o feelings, wo-o-o, feelings.”

“And I hope that this message doesn’t hurt your feelings because as a reminder if you’re hearing this message it means that you have been fired from your job.”

“To put is nicely, you’ve been terminated, dismissed, sacked, let go, axed, kicked to the curb, chucked, discharged and sacked.”